She'll Walk When She Walks

"She'll walk by Christmas"

Lily's educator said it like she was trying to be encouraging.

I was just dropping her off, it was 8 am, I hadn't had coffee yet, Lily had pooped on the change table mid diaper change and I was miserable from a stupid diet I was trying and failing at.

Lily is 2.5. Lily has Down Syndrome. Lily started taking a few independent steps more than 9 months ago. In those 9 months I've had too many people start sentences with "Well, now that she's walking" and my heart breaks every time I have to try to explain that a few steps doesn't mean consistent walking. Neurotypical kids are often walking confidently only a few weeks after taking their first steps, so I don't blame them for making that assumption. Making assumptions about kids with developmental delays though, can often hurt.

I wanted to cry. Right there with the other kid who was crying as their mother dropped them off. I thought, "I feel you kid" Her comment wasn't meant to sting, but after so many months of longing to hit that milestone, it did.

I can't count the number of times in Lily's life I've felt jealousy as my friends' kids have hit their milestones and kept going. I even had a conversation with my friend's son (who's Lily's age) about his day at daycare!

I want to have conversations with my daughter! I want to see my daughter walk, and run, and be able to keep up with her friends. I want it more than anything but it's just going to take Lily longer than other kids and there's no handy guide that gives me a timeline for that. She doesn't care about milestone charts and doesn't understand arbitrary target dates like Christmas. For right now, she wants to crawl, and if there's one thing I've learned about my daughter, it's that if she decides she wants to do something, she's going to do just that.

So yes, well meaning daycare educator, I very much hope she'll walk by Christmas - when she took her first steps last Christmas I was hoping she'd walk by her birthday, by my birthday, by Easter, by summer... but she didn't, and as much as I want to see it, it really doesn't matter when she walks, because I'm confident she'll get there.

And so I replied "She'll walk when she walks"

Angela Henderson lives in Montreal, QC with her husband John, and her daughter Lily, who has Down Syndrome. If you are a parent or caregiver of someone with Down Syndrome, I highly suggest checking out the Down Syndrome Diagnosis Network at https://www.dsdiagnosisnetwork.org/. I've just discovered their Facebook support groups and wish I'd found them sooner!