Sewing My Way Through Grief

SEWING MY WAY THROUGH GRIEF

I’ve always heard it is better to give than to receive and I have done my share of delivering casseroles, sending cards and flowers, and sewing items for others. It always brought a smile to the face of the one receiving the gift but it also meant a lot to me. It was giving back, paying it forward, and in my own way, I felt I was making the world a better place. I found out, however, that it is easier for me to give than to receive when a life changing event turned the tables and I found myself on the receiving end for quite some time.

Five years ago, my husband was diagnosed with three major illnesses, all in the span of three months. The news was devastating and we both knew life as we had known it for more than forty years was over. Our days became circumscribed by doctor visits, lab draws, adaptive equipment, and lots of worry.

One by one, my husband was robbed of hobbies and bodily function. First, he could no longer step into or out of a boat to go fishing. Then, he couldn’t swing a golf club or throw a ball to a grandchild. The beach vacation he loved could no longer include walks along the sand with me. Eventually, a walker was needed, but even then, my husband managed one-mile walks around the neighborhood. He enjoyed the freedom and the exercise and looked forward to it every day. We became hopeful that he could regain some of the mobility and strength he had lost. Then, the falls began and he was hospitalized six times in as many months. The downhill slide from there was rapid and hospice was called in.

Throughout our five-year odyssey, our friends never abandoned us. In fact, they stepped up their game and became our angels. Suppers were delivered, followed by gift cards to restaurants when I told them our freezer was full. Several times the doorbell rang and a bouquet of flowers awaited me. Notes and cards of encouragement filled our mailbox every week. Most of all, prayer vigils spread across many churches and groups. Offers to sit with my husband so I could run errands or just enjoy some time away from the twenty-four-hour caregiver role were frequent and most welcome. I couldn’t believe the outpouring of love and concern showed to us. Frankly, I found it quite humbling. I am more comfortable being the giver than the receiver, and I wanted to give back something to those who had been so loving and generous. I decided to give something only I could provide - one-of-a-kind embroidered items. I embroidered pillowcases, aprons, and pictures. Each one was a labor of love and gratitude and made me feel that I was paying it forward as others had to me. I made a list of our benefactors and was surprised by the many names on it. Each one received my sewn gift with surprise and pleasure. It made me feel good to give back to so many who had helped us.

Through the process of embroidering each item, I was working through my grief. Each stitch gave me a purpose and helped me turn my thoughts away from my loss to what I could do for someone else. My offerings seemed so trivial when compared to all we had been given but each gift was received with surprise and pleasure and each said they would treasure their item. In a small way, I was able to show how grateful I was for the love and support we had received. and my sewing became an avenue to express our gratitude and to provide an outlet for my grief.

Yes, my husband and I lost so very much, but we gained even more than our losses. We saw the very best of human nature and the capacity for love.