Scars of Paradise

Having my first child at twenty-seven was a flash in the moment experience. I went the longest distance I could without anything to ease the pain. Whewww, never again. But then again, I never know. It was the best experience of my life because for so long I thought I couldn’t have kids. I always thought it was something wrong with me for years but then boom. My first child and a beautiful scar to show for it. The best gift I could have asked for was to be a mother.

My baby wasn’t planned so I was in shock when I found out but excited at the same time. I wanted to jump up and down and scream and shout but I always fail to express myself that way even though that is the way I’m feeling inside. Ecstatic is another word to describe how I felt. My first baby after years of wanting one and not being able to conceive. I remember I went to the doctors and they told me to try for a year before i start to worry. Worrying about not being able to have kids probably made it not possible to have them when I wanted and plus it has to be the right timing with the right person. Diddo 💋

I went through my pregnancy working two jobs. I was prepared and ready to do what I needed to to take care of my child. I worked my two jobs until the start of the pandemic which worked in my favor. I was able to go through the rest of my pregnancy resting and eating well.

I found out I was able to have a regular natural birth which I wanted to try lol. But boy was the pain excruciating ..... I bared it for 13 hrs without medication and some women go longer. Not me.

Ultimately I had to have a emergency C section as you can see in my image above. My “scar of paradise”. Its called that because not only does it represent my sons arrival but it also represents the healing of my scar. I can barely see it. It’s nothing I am ashamed of but really aware and proud of. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Having kids is not an easy task. But having kids, makes the tasks easier.

Kids are an extension of us and from birth there is a connection. I just want a strong connection with my son. Yes , I had a boy 💙

“She never planned to have kids but it was the best thing that happened to her.”

It was years since she’d been in a relationship. There were always associates and men she associated with but never anything serious.

Fours years later, a new found love comes into her life and she falls easily. The man is very attractive and not just talking looks but the way he smells, talks, and carries himself. It is all breathtaking. However, she still stands her grounds and keeps her heart guarded. Not only does this man take notice but he reinforces to break her barriers.

The love is new and fresh.

The love is trying their best.

The love is being run through the test.

Can it end up in a mess.

Love is the test.

Do our best.

Pass the test.

Let love rest, at its best.

Hold onto more, the love we adore.

Bringing a child into this world.

The joyous feel.

The screaming pains.

The weight gain.

The nausea.

The feelings of being loss for love.

Waiting for the bundle of love that was made.

Waiting for all the madness to fade.

To the shade, from the sun.

He is the only one.

“She struggled with making decisions but it was more beneath.”

Her mental health was not deteriorating but elevating, elevating to peace. Where nothing and no one bothered her. It was like a shield that protected her thoughts. Protected her thoughts from running rapid. Protected her most sacred words. The things most people took for granted.

She ate the most sweetest of fruits and freshest of vegetables. Kept her mental health healthy.

She would read and write for hours about whatever crossed her mind. It was like she was lost in time.

Always forgetting the activities of daily living because she was living in her world. Her world where nothing existed but peace.?