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Reality Check

by Kalista Tamborski 2 months ago in married
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unexpected turns

My family and I moved to California in the beginning of the year. We came here on military orders for my husband. With so many positives to the move such as money from selling our house, being paid for the move, taxes, the thoughts of greater opportunities because DUH its Cali! But BOOM reality check!!! Cali is much more expensive than North Carolina AND my husbands pay got cut because we are living on base. I don't have a job. Our kids are not in daycare. Months go by and we are slowly chipping into our savings. Putting a hold on the kids investment accounts. Things start to fall downhill money wise for us. I start looking for jobs and calling daycares. Well due to covid daycares are all full with waitlists out to the end of the year. Which means...no job for me. I could get a 2nd or 3rd shift job and go to work after my husband gets home but his hours being military are not set hours. One day he could be off at noon and the next day he won't be off until 6pm OR the next week have to go to the field all week. With upcoming month long trainings and deployment....we are stuck with a tough decision. And this decision caused a HUGE argument and hard feelings. Either we stay in Cali and watch ourselves slowly go broke and I have zero support from family and friends while he is away for deployment. Or the kids and I move back home so I can get a job the kids go to daycare get a set schedule and our money starts to increase and we have family support while my husband stays in Cali. We chose option number 2. I got daycare lined up for them back in Pennsylvania. Now we will have 2 years separated until he is out of the military. 2 years of our kids seeing their daddy only on holidays. 2 years our marriage will be put to the test. And ohhh my anxiety. The overthinking that will occur and already has. I know I can trust him but the thoughts that he will be here with only himself to worry about in California while i'm back in Pennsylvania raising our children. And yes as horrible as it may sound I am envious of all the sleep he will get. All the down time. Being able to go out and not worry about having to rush because of the kids. He can do anything he pleases. But my duty as a mom continues and will only be harder without daddy around. Along with getting a full time job. My plate is going to be beyond full. I forgot to also mention our dog. Which I also get the responsibility of. But it will be best for the kids to get a regular schedule, a home to call home, the foods they want because we can afford it, toys when they want, family love and support. And on a positive for myself, I can try to find myself again without the distraction of him. I love him with all my heart and am so grateful for all he has done but boy did i get caught up in being a mom and being a wife I lost who I am alone. As I’m sure many women go through this and struggle to find who they are or want to be after becoming a mom. You get so caught up in your kids their safety and spending every moment you can with them because you know it won’t last forever. We sacrifice and always do what’s best for the sake of our children just as it should be. So here’s to our new journey to finding stability and a long term home for our kids and also as spouses finding ourselves in the time we are having apart from each other to build our marriage stronger and happier which will also be so very healthy for our babies. They don’t understand very much right now but because of the military they are used to daddy coming and going for long periods of time. It’s so sad and not how things should be and this won’t be easy but the hardest of things could have the greatest outcomes. Here’s to new journeys!


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Kalista Tamborski

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