Pregnancy, and Being High Risk Pt. 1

I know pregnancy is different for every woman, but I hope my story can maybe help someone out there who's been through something similar, and doesn't know how to deal with it, or if they feel they can't reach out to anyone.

My story of being high risk started about eight years ago, but at the time we had no idea this would happen. The guy I had been dating at the time and I had gotten pregnant. It was 2011, and we found out the week before Super Bowl Sunday. The Steelers were about to play Green Bay. I still celebrated the game, minus drinking, of course. The whole entire pregnancy went by without any problems. Every appointment we went to was great. He was growing perfectly; his organs were developing beautifully. His heartbeat was fantastic, and at ultrasounds we could see his practice breathing was amazing. We honestly couldn't have had a healthier pregnancy.

It all went to hell almost two weeks before his due date. He was due September 29, 2011, and he was born September 16, 2011. My beautiful baby boy was perfect in every way except one. He was stillborn.

Now let me back track a bit to the day I ended up going into labor. Every woman who's ever been pregnant can tell you the further along you are the more tired you are. That day, September 15, 2011, was a regular day. I had gone to the store to pick up a couple things, came home and relaxed. I had fallen asleep in the recliner around 7:30 PM, because, well, I was tired and needed a nap. I woke up around 10:15 PM, or so because I really had to use the bathroom. However, when I stood up to go to the bathroom, I felt a rush of water, and knew he was on his way.

I called my parents, to say that they were about to officially be grandparents, and to meet me at the hospital. How exciting for all of us! My first child, and their first grandchild! It couldn't have been a happier moment!

We all get to the hospital, and go into the triage room where they hook me up to a heartbeat monitor, and also to a contraction monitor. When the first nurse couldn't find his heartbeat right away, it didn't faze me because he was a hider. He never liked to be found and just wanted to be left alone. That nurse grabbed another nurse and when she couldn't find it, we knew something was devastatingly wrong. That nurse went and got an ultrasound tech, and he came in with the monitor and tried to find the heartbeat and confirmed that he had no heartbeat and he was gone.

I yelled and screamed and begged they do something to save him, but at that point there was nothing that could be done. They took me to a labor and delivery room, hooked me up to the IV and the epidural and at that point all we could do was wait until my body was ready to push. To this day I can say it's the most traumatizing thing I've ever been through, and trust me, I've been through some stuff. Nothing will ever top that, though. Ever.

We found out that when my water broke it broke from the top, and separated my son from the placenta, so he had lost his source of oxygen. It was at that point I came to the actual realization that my body had betrayed me and my child. What does one do at that point?

It has taken me years to deal and cope and move forward, but I am doing so much better emotionally and mentally than I ever thought I could. The only thing now is that any pregnancy I have from there on out I would be considered high risk. Now knowing that is a bittersweet feeling. It comes with so many extra added stressors and emotions.

I am now currently in a loving relationship and we are due to go in to get induced on May 4th, 2019. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions this entire pregnancy, but that will be for another time.

I just want to let anyone who has been through the loss of a child, if you haven't dealt with it, or reached out to anyone, please do. I know it feels like no one knows what you're going through, but you would definitely be surprised. Talking about it, and really being open about it has gotten me through so much. Whether you talk to friends or family, even myself, please reach out to someone.