Parental pain

This is my son , he is 10 now but for the last 3 years my life has been turned upside down because of his narcissistic father .

Hey I’m Laura , mum of two fantastic boys Finn (10) and Toby (7) , I was married for 6 years to their father but when he decided to leave me for another woman , little did I know the trail of destruction that was about to follow in the years to come .

Finn was always a daddy’s boy , Toby not so much as he was only 9/10 months when we split up . Their father had made promises to keep seeing the boys on a regular basis but that slowly fizzled out .

It was about may time and I had planned to spend some of the summer holidays with the boys at my parents in Spain , before this little did I know that after the boys had spent the weekend with their father he had planted a seed in Finns head about living with him . This caused major problems for Finn and myself because all he wanted to do was be at his dads , he would cry every day and night saying he missed daddy .

I had encouraged their father to spend more time with them but he wasn’t interested and admitted that his new girlfriend wore the trousers and she didn’t want the kids in her house .

The emotional strain I was getting from Finn was so hard ,and made me angry because I had done everything for the boys , I worked as a single mum , I put a roof iver their head when he refused to pay me any money towards our joint mortgage, I fed and clothed them and still he managed to come up smelling of roses . This was tough and nothing I did seemed good enough, so we got back from out holiday and ready to start the new school year . Every morning Finn would wake crying telling me how much he missed his dad.

This was getting too much emotionally and I caved , Monday morning, I had enough at this point and said ‘ right get your stuff , I’m taking you to your dads if that’s what you want ‘ The from on his face was huge and I was hoping it would backfire whilst driving the 30 min journey to his house but it never did , it backfired on me instead cause he was happy to be going and didn’t care about my feelings .

This was the biggest mistake of my life and I never saw Finn for 6 months after that day .

We had arranged mediation and agreed that we would give Finn 4 weeks to decide who he wanted to live with and if he was happier with his dad then we would talk about it and review it in 4 weeks , we’ll that never happened cause a day after mediation I found out that his father had accepted a place at their local school .

I was being told by Finns father that Finn didn’t want to see me and later I was to find out Finn was being told I didn’t want him or want to see him .

This breaks my heart just writti g it and reliving the pain I’ve been through the last 3 years .

Ok so all this time I still had my youngest at home with me , he was also being ailenated from his own brother and his father wanted nothing to do with him either. He stated that in a letter he wrote me .

So I guess the time was now to take this nasty person to court . I waited another couple of months for the first one which was a total waste of time , then by the third time I managed to get access every other weekend . But my bond was broken after all the brainwashing and manipulation had been done .

This contact lasted year and I was spending every weekend driving 75 miles to pick up Finn / take him home one weekend and another 75 miles the following weekend to take Toby to spend his weekend with his brother and his father . This lasted a year .

So in this time I had another relationship with a guy who Toby looked to as a dad ,he is a great dad and has his own daughter too , on our weekends all 3 kids would get on great and would play out the front for hours in the sun until it got dark .

We had been together a few years at this point but the boys father never liked him for whatever reason and used that as an excuse all the time for Finn to get out of coming to me at the weekend .

It was end of sept 2019 I turned up as I did every day to collect Toby from school and was called into the office , where I was greeted by two ladies , one a social worker the other one a police officer , I had no idea what was going on but at this time I hadn’t spoken to Finn for a good 4 weeks . Dad kept making excuses , then the bombshell hit , they explained that Finn had made an allegation against my current partner and that it will be investigated , so this is now sept and I’m writti gonna this today in April 2020 during the corona virus outbreak , still havnt seen or spoken to my baby. The investigation has been dropped and no evidence or further action was taken but I must add this stress took its toll and I ended up leaving and moving with Toby . The boys father will not answer my calls , my emails , my letters and I still do not know to this day if my son is ok , his poor little brother is missing him like crazy and I’m at the stage now where I am ready to send off the court papers again , to have the order enforced but find myself pulling my hand out the letter box because I can’t be faced with the heartbreak any more , not just for me but for both my boys . I’m missing him so so much but maybe one day he will realise what a nasty person his father is and try to find me , one day maybe , I can hope and prey I guess .