Normy and Not Just Any Trap

I’m discussing changes at work with one of my coworkers and I mention that I will probably need to start job hunting early next year with these changes in my comp plan at work that will result in me earning a lot less money. My coworker, Letty, who is only a little familiar with our family situation and our guardianship of my granddaughter says to me, “I don’t see how you can get a new job with what a mess your family life is. You need to have a boss that understands all the time you miss with a young child like our boss does.” I say to her, “Wow, Letty, that’s a little harsh that my life is a mess.” She is not apologetic when she says, “Hey I remember when my sister who is an addict, was off the radar and I had to drive a hour away to help out with her four kids, I missed all kinds of work, if I had any other boss than our boss, I would have lost my job for sure. So there is no way you can start a new job or even change locations cause you don’t know when you will need to miss work with a little one. Sucks for you but that’s how it is.”

I have to agree with her. Taking on the guardianship has meant missing work when this toddler is sick (and they get sick being in daycare with other germy little kids all the time), giving up vacations, because I can’t miss any more work, plus I have the added cost of childcare. Max and I have come to know that getting child support payments from an addict is impossible, and from a newly recovering addict is not dependable either. It is another balancing act to ask the absent parent who is in recovery and just starting to hold a job, if they can help out with their child but we don’t want to stress them out and have them relapse.

Max said to me recently, “At our age our friends are starting to retire, going on cruises, going on vacations. You and I won’t be able to do that for another 16 years because we are starting all over again with a toddler. Their kids are grown and they just enjoy the grandchildren on visits.” I have picked up travel brochures on cruises and all inclusive vacations and after looking through the brochure I have put it back and walked away. I know we can't afford anything like that and won't be able to afford it for years to come. I just hope I don't let the stress take away my good health so I will be in good enough shape to go on a vacation someday when we can afford it.

The stress of dealing with an adult child who is struggling with her addiction is a lot and that goes along with caring for our grand baby and holding the dad of the baby (and his vindictive wife at arm's length) from taking the baby out of state and away from my daughter while she is in recovery and the dad is also in recovery. Well, going to the doctor for check ups, getting to the gym to exercise and even going to get my hair done at a real salon are put aside. I dye my hair myself to hide the gray, I get haircuts at cheap places that I can pop into during a lunch break from work. Max was always this huge healthy muscular giant and now he gets sick and I can't remember the last time he went to work out. Age is showing on both of us and we have always been pretty tough fighters with any obstacle life put in our paths but we are both a little worn on the edges right now.

We love our granddaughter without a shadow of a doubt and we are totally dedicated to fighting for our family. We are absolutely committed to putting in the time for her safety and well-being. We do need to pledge to taking time to take care of ourselves and maybe planning a little vacation some day soon, maybe that could be our New Year's Resolution. We need to keep learning coping skills to deal with a loved one in Addiction and Recovery and just acknowledge it is a love trap.