Normal

November 2019

The air filled with children’s contagious laughter and the uplifting smell of fresh barbecue sizzling to a finish on a grill. Decorative streamers taunted the wind as guests waited patiently for our arrival, Dorian had kept this party a surprise from me for a couple of weeks as they all planned it together. I had to admit I was impressed because when it came to organization and making sure all details had be prepped, Dorian didn’t seem to fall in that category but he did recognize how hard I had been working the past few months and that was all I could ask.

Driving up the ridiculously long driveway made of gravel, Dorian instructed that we were dropping Zoe off for the grandparents to watch, then we were headed to Nashville for the day. Instantly excitement escaped from my lips as a high pitched squeal bounced around our vehicle, which in turn made Zoe, our three year old, also start picking up my vibes. We lived about an hour from Nashville so for certain celebrations, we would go have an adult day of exploring, day drinking, dancing, eating over priced food, or whatever our hearts desired. As we neared the home of Dorian’s parents, I noticed a lot of vehicles were present and some even looked familiar.

“Oh did your dad get a new truck, it looks a lot like my parent’s truck?” I studied the grey ford.

“Well that’s because that is your parent’s truck and a lot of other people here to celebrate your accomplishment of graduating! Surprise!” He smiled the words right out of his mouth. I felt the excitement manifest into joy mixed with love as he threw the vehicle in park and my eyes scanned the large building of all the people filling in the space. I could see all sets of my parents, grandparents, in-laws, friends, some of Dorian’s friends and family, I was speechless for the first time in a long time. I scanned the building trying to take in every detail that Dorian had worked so hard on, he had Game of Thrones banners hung up on each wall, a giant cookie cake with minimum icing sat on a table surrounded by gifts and a huge congratulations sign above it, the fridge was filled with my favorite beverages and the men were grilling barbecue along with burgers, what more could I ask for?

“You put all of this together? For me?” I asked while unbuckling my seatbelt, now I couldn’t get out of the vehicle fast enough.

“You’ve been working your butt off for two years babe, it was time for me to do something for you, to help you feel appreciated and supported.” He embraced me with a hug and one of his signature smiles. This man always picked me up when the time was right, every time I thought he couldn’t see me struggling, he would make sure I knew he supported me and together we could get through anything in our path. As a family of three, we made our entrance into the building and began to spread the feeling of love and joy one person at a time.

It was at this moment I took a breath, opened my fresh wine bottle and poured a full glass because that’s how I felt, my glass was completely full and running over with love and support. I had endured two years of not spending quality time with my young child as I furthered my education, I had missed several date nights with Dorian due to picking up extra work shifts to make sure bills were still getting paid, I had to stay home during many family long weekend vacations because of papers to write or studying need to be done. I have missed out on some many special events, thinking they didn’t even ask where I was because they knew, they knew I was overwhelmed and didn’t want to feel guilty about it, but today none of these assumptions were true. All of these beautiful humans were here to support me and make it known they have been rooting for my success since day one. Suddenly those two years seem beyond the unknown and not even worth talking about anymore because this timeframe we were now in, was possibly the greatest part of my life so far and I couldn’t wait to see where it led.

December 2019

Post graduation life so far was absolutely fantastic, work didn’t run my schedule anymore and there seem to be time for everything! I was putting extreme hours of overtime but still having family nights, taking off the weekends to go see my parents in Louisville, taking road trips with Dorian to explore the new homestead land and we even decided to extend our family of three by adding a new furbaby, Moose. Christmas was approaching quickly and as a mom that meant making sure all the shopping and wrapping was taken care of, but with all my newfound time I managed to accomplish this in one swift weekend. The world seem right again as I now had possession of a new Bachelor’s degree, a threenager that wanted all my free time focused on her, a husband that enjoyed having me back as part of the family again, and a home that was getting the attention it needed for cleaning and maintenance, yes life was good. Dorian and I were constantly planning movie dates, eating dinner out at least twice a week and splurging on dessert, shopping for unnecessary things such as mushroom chairs and large living room rugs, joy riding out on the countryside with Zoe with the sunroof open and music up, we were officially living the life. It felt like it took forever to get here, I had completed school, Dorian’s job was going very well and he was making extra money, we were able to put extra funds down on the house every month to pay it off quicker, our debt was slowly diminishing and in the spring time we would be ready to move twelve hundred miles to Colorado Springs, Colorado. Our three year plan was coming to a close and a new chapter was about to open for us as our money began piling up to support the move, Zoe was about ready for school so we wouldn’t need a nanny, and Dorian had enough business to open up his own office in the Springs.

“We need to plan a trip so we can get your resume out in the Springs and see what kind of job you can secure so we can start seriously house shopping.” Dorian brought up one night during a late dinner, Zoe was already asleep for the night.

“Okay I will update one and print out some copies then we can chose a long weekend and pinpoint an exact date.” I wrote some reminders in my iPhone.

Over the course of a new few weeks I began to assemble the perfect resume. I reached out to several business friends to proof read and make suggestions so there was no question to who would want to hire me, I wanted to be the top candidate in every position I applied for. Finally I had a polished version and we picked a long weekend to make the eighteen hour drive and began planning the next chapter in our lives.

January 2020

“Have you seen the virus that has hit China and Italy? I mean it’s so bad that they are talking about shutting everything down, such as no travel or anything right now.” Dorian expressed as he tore his eyes from his screen. He looked very uncomfortable and maybe even a little distraught from the information he was reading.

“You know I don’t keep up the news, especially if it doesn’t involve our country.” I was slightly dismissive about the subject but there was always something going on somewhere in my opinion.

“Did you let your boss know that we were going out of town next month and you have a meeting set up with one of the largest realtor companies in the Springs?” I had to remind him to keep his work schedule straight.

“I was going to chat with him about later this week but I will.” Which meant he would forget and I would have to remind him again by Thursday. I was feeling good about next month, we were all ready to go interview with several different companies for me and Dorian had set some meetings for his office opening there as well. We were taking our plan and making it come to life as we took all the necessary steps and thought out every possible scenario to make sure we would be ready to move as soon as I secured employment in Colorado.

That next evening I went to work and the virus seemed to be the talk of the town, every nurse seemed to be rather concerned with the specific topic. It had me second guessing, should I be making a plan B for if this virus made it’s way over to the US? It was at this point I took upon myself to start reading the articles in regards to the virus and educate myself on where it was currently located and how to protect us from it. Little did I know that Dorian was also keeping up with its whereabouts and it had apparently already made its way into the US but it was contained at the moment. I felt a shiver down my spine as Dorian went on to explain that people with immune system issues were the most at risk, along with children and elderly of course as well. Dorian had Cystic Fibrosis which meant if this virus did snake its way into our country’s land, we would have to cut off all visitations from anyone so he wasn’t at risk. Not to mention Zoe was also a large risk factor due to her system still developing and her being a part of a public childcare facility. Things would change for us majorly but we didn’t want to jump to isolation until it was needed, right now it was just a scary thought but not a reality just yet.

February 2020

“Wow I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this stunning view!” I squealed and took in the mountain view with a breath of its clean air. “I can’t wait to move here and actually be residents!” I couldn’t deny my excitement even if I tried.

“I can already tell a huge difference in my allergies and mucus as well and we haven’t been here for a full day yet.” Dorian brought to my attention. His comment only made me swell up even more and take his hand, I couldn’t wait for us to begin our new chapter here in Colorado.

“Now we have to remember that we are here for business and not so much pleasure this time.” Dorian brought me back to reality.

“I’m okay with that because that only leads to us actually purchasing a home here and moving our perfect family of three to be official residents of the Springs.” I smiled and squeezed his hand.

Over the course of the next few days I went to several interviews with a broad horizon of companies, from healthcare to restaurants to bars to office settings and others, all with the same goal of securing employment so we could move forward with the next step. Dorian had a meeting set up with one of the largest realtor companies in the area to help grow his new office business that he would be opening, so many new opportunities were within our grasp! Our new life was so promising and felt like the turning point of when we were going to be able to live our lives to our standards. We had still be keeping up with the virus that was currently threatening the other side of the world and a few cases started to make their presence known in high traffic states such as New York, California, Texas, and some others. It was on the rise but we couldn’t let the fear freeze our plan to get to Colorado. After my last interview at four pm, I was able to say I was employed in the great state of Colorado. I had landed a job and just like that our hope for moving was turning into a reality, now I had to go home and give my two weeks notice so we could make arrangements to begin the transition.

March 2020

Our joy has slowly been turned to worry as I packed the van to make my move out to Colorado. Dorian and I had decided that I would go out first to get my job going and start house shopping then he and Zoe would follow a month or two afterwards. We had planned again and again, thought out every possible situation, stayed up late nights going over our finances, and even packed all of my belongings up that wasn’t going with me on the first trip. At this point, the virus had made its way into the US and was trying to take down most of its citizens, which potentially could be a major problem with Dorian and even Zoe. But we were determined to move on with our plan until we ran into a problem or snag that deemed it not possible anymore.

“Pull over if you get tired, and call me when you stop for gas.” Dorian squeezed me with all of his might as we said our tearful goodbyes.

“Babe, I’ll be fine so try not to worry too much.” I smiled and tenderly touched his face and wiped away the fresh tears. “You’ll be making this journey soon and we will all be together again.” I touched our foreheads.

“Just make sure you sanitize every time you stop and wear gloves, this virus can take weeks to show up in your system.” He reminded me for what felt like the hundredth time. He was right though, this virus was taking twelve to fourteen days before you were even showing symptoms, it was very dangerous. I had to admit it was making me uncomfortable but we couldn’t put our whole life on hold, could we, should we? I finished my painful goodbyes and with a throbbing heart left the driveway with a husband, holding his daughter, waving their significant other off to Colorado with tear stained faces and very heavy hearts.

April, May, June 2020-The New Normal

I was only in Colorado for three and a half weeks, didn’t even get to take my state exam for my license required by my new job. I moved back due to the virus outbreak because the future became so uncertain, I didn’t want it to be six months before I saw Dorian and Zoe again. Upon my return I was forced to stay in quarantine away from them for the total of fourteen days, my daughter didn’t understand why she couldn’t hug me. I have never felt the overwhelming urge to touch another human being until I didn’t have the luxury at my will, I didn’t realize my very breath I used to tell my family I loved them with had the potential to land them in the hospital and possibly worse. I didn’t know this infectious virus would spread throughout the world so much that countries would shut down and we couldn’t even drive to the grocery store. This was the new normal until a vaccine was developed, this was the new normal until people were actually staying home and ridding the world of these feeding germs that would invade our bodies and eat us from the inside out while our loved ones watched helplessly. I check my bank account daily as I watch the amount become less and less, working is still possible but not going overly great, Zoe doesn’t grasp the concept of Dorian and I working during the week so it becomes difficult to have business calls and meetings, our family couldn’t even celebrate Dorian’s birthday with us as we were on heavy lockdown, this was the new normal.

The new normal was finding its place in our world as businesses started to slowly reopen but at what cost? Our economy has plunged deeply, our Colorado plans have been brought to an abrupt halt, our funds were diminishing, our lives were becoming well known friends to uncertainty and the art of unknown. I pray for the day we can walk at a park, go to an arcade, have a meal inside a restaurant, have a family barbecue, or even just going to our work offices. Every person is suffering loss at some extend with this new normal, what is yours?