My Wife Left Me for A Woman

In September 2012, I met the woman who would eventually become my wife. We immediately hit it off. We were young, she was 23 and I was 29. We bought our first home together within a year and married within two. We "had it all", as we advanced in our careers. In 2016, our first daughter was born. Our second daughter was born in 2018.

On August 24, 2019 - she sat me down and told me she "might" be gay. Having a history of MH issues, I had a severe response that landed me in the psych ward for 3 days. Upon my release, I came to find out that she didn't just "think" she was gay, but had already been with a woman. She was more angry that I found out (looking at her phone) than apologetic for the wrongdoing in the first place. After a few days of back and forth and making no apparent progress, I impulsively filed for divorce. About 10 days later, I ended up in the psych ward for the second time. Upon my release, I thought - enough is enough, I need to move out and ensure that I am in a healthy place. She immediately fell apart, backtracked and all but begged for me to stay. Seeing this as a sign that we may have hope after all, I went ahead and agreed to stay. Within 5 days, she approached me and said yep, I'm absolutely gay, Sorry. Once again, I spiraled but did not go to the psych ward this time. I simply followed through with my plan to move out.

Three days prior to moving out, we tearfully hugged and embraced. She said I don't want you to go, but I understand why you have to. I may be a gay woman, but you are my world. You are my best friend, my rock, and I can't picture my life without you. Let's set up couple's therapy. Just because you move out, doesn't mean we can't continue to "see" each other and work on us. We made a pact that our life together was too valuable to be discarded. Six days after I left, a big gnarly NFL linebacker of a butch woman was banging her in my house. My wife said yep, I'm the world's biggest lesbian and we are most definitely and permanently and forever over. That was September 29, 2019.

My life has been spiraling ever since. I had been lied to, cheated on, manipulated, betrayed and abandoned. What was supposed to be an opportunity to separate and work on ourselves, turned into a vicious divorce. Lawyers were involved, money was fought over, child custody issues that didn't exist were front and center. Fast forward to March 10, 2020 - the divorce is officially final. May 8, 2020, our family home is sold off and we officially have no financial ties.

Was she ever "wrong"? Over the last 8 months, I've tried getting "answers" as to how she could do that. I initially thought well, she was just late finding out she was gay and I'm collateral damage. She didn't mean to. But then I found out she cheated, I was less forgiving. And her arguments/defense to her misconduct seems to change with each passing week. She's described herself as straight when I met her (obviously), but immediately upon our separation, called herself bisexual. Then stated that she had never fully been straight and felt "pressures" to be with a man. And I can't help but question how somebody who was never straight would fall so passionately in love with a man and build a family? I know I have no right to tell a person that thinks she's gay to suck it up and be with a man. But I didn't pick her out of a crowd and say hey you, be my wife. I feel like she owes me, our family, a lot more than we got. We got the short end of the stick. Our two children are severely impacted, they cry for their mother when with me, and vice versa. I'm so angry. I feel like as a mother, your children's needs are first and foremost. I feel like even though she admittedly "had it all", she traded in her family unity, the stability of her children in order to be a sexual deviant with literally the first woman she met. I also feel like when she said we would try and work something out, that's something that she should be "bound" to, or at least hold herself to her own word.

I'm sorry for the long post but really, my issue is that I am absolutely obliterated. I can't picture a meaningful life without this woman. Everybody around me, my support system, looks at me like I have a third eye because I still dream of what my life should be. They're all like she's obviously a POS, and you're better off. Logically, even I can understand that. But emotions are a powerful beast. And that's why I haven't slept for 4 days, I now have panic attacks, night terrors, and even chest pains. I have been so crippled with grief, I even lost my job. I am in a permanent state of despair. Everybody around me looks at me like I belong in a padded room. While I'm no longer suicidal, I have lost all hope and faith that I will ever get over this. Basically, I have been given a life sentence of sadness and agony. I'm a shell of my former self. I've lost almost 20 pounds, cry multiple times a day, have been to over 45 therapist sessions, have banged a few women to see if that would do the trick (it didn't), and I'm just ready to give up.

I can't give up because my children need me. But I am ashamed as to who I have become. Every facet of my life has turned to sh*t. I'm not half the parent I used to be. I'm spiraling and I feel like I am constantly on the edge of a complete meltdown. Meanwhile, my now ex-wife is plowing through Tinder lesbians like they're candy. By my count, she's been with about 6 in the 8 months since we split. My children are witnessing this and I feel horrible for them.