My Rock and My Hold

It's a long story, but means the world to me. From a young age she became the town's famous young mother. Big brother's wife they called her. In our language they called her "fofo sron". That was her joy. To be the iconic lover in her home town was a dream come true. She was full of passion, joy and kindness. She had dream and she was dedicated to it. When she sits down to tell the story, she shed tears or sadness and joy. This is a good story. She said " I was everyone's little helper and I was very happy to do their errands. Fast forward, I never knew that thing things would change so quickly". She continues telling us children her childhood story. "I have three bothers and two sisters. We are a family of eight in total including my mother and father. As we the children were living our young lives, we never thought about what tomorrow was going to be like or how we were even going to get food. Our father and mother provided for us and all we have to do as kids is carry the products home and help mum cook." Joy as she calls it continued for her and the family until one day without realising, everything collapsed. the joy she once knew has fallen and in a instance the family's life became hard and crazy. Suddenly the little girl found herself occupied by survival instinct 24/7 for the life of her family. fofo sron was no longer a name of joy for her.

This is a story about my mother's life. Born in a small country in the West of Africa known as Togo, she went through "Hell" and back. This is why she is 'My Rock and My Hold'.

My mother's name is Eya, a name so fitting for a beautiful woman that is good at everything she puts her mind onto. In our language, Eya is a name given to a girl born on a Thursday. Looking into the meaning of Thursday, the day itself is a name of a God named after the god of Thunder (Thor). My mother told me stories of her childhood and everything that she has been through from birth till marriage and traveling as well as what my eyes has witnessed of her life makes me place her at the center of everything.

My name is Lamourette and this story is about the woman that inspires me in the whole world. Long story short, coming from a small village, my mother explained that she was enjoying her life before everything changed for her. When she was a kid, young enough to put her responsibilities onto someone else, she said that she was having the best time of her life. Suddenly old enough, but not too old enough to still be responsible, my mother and her siblings lost their father and within a heartbeat, the world shifted around them. Eya's mother was a sale lady, selling things through villages from dawn till dusk and her children did not see much of her throughout the day. "Mum would left us early in the morning before sunrise to start walking through the village in order to be the first seller awake," said Eya.

"My story is bigger than the person I am as a whole." I have a history and I only wish that I could write it down."

As the story goes on, due to the position Eya's mother hold, Eya has no choice but to become the dependent child among her siblings. As the second oldest, she has a big responsibility up her sleeve and its dearest moment that she cannot run away. Since Eya was know as the Big brother's wife (fofo sron) she has to take a stand and show the villagers and her mother especially that she is a child that is ready to do anything. Eya explained that from the age of 12 she became the mother of the house. Without her mother around, Eya had to take full care of her younger siblings and without hesitation, that's what she did. Every day when she woke up, she would walk for at least 6 kilometres to go fetch water with her other friends or neighbors for everyone's morning shower and cooking breakfast. From the age of 15, Eya has left home. She has left her precious mother and siblings behind to go search for a job that will provide financial aid to her family. For many years she was a maid, working day and night non-stop for the happiness of other families. She has witnessed the kind of life that rich people in Togo lives and how their children are brought.

As time passes and Eya got older, life once again took a turn on her. However, the happiness and joyfulness of life did not last long. Before she knew what was happening, She was married and has started writing the new book of her life. Couple of years has passed since she was wedded and now carry's around a handsome boy that looks exactly like his father, a soldier. With this much change, married to a Togolese soldier, Eya lived in the Capital city of Togo, Lome savoring the city life. "It is not much different to the village", she said. However, things are better. "You are guarantee to have more variety of products and items for the basic life of humankind", she sated. She was living her everyday life, wake up, do routine activities like minding the baby, cooking, washing, cleaning, feed the baby and repeat until the day has come an end. Although that was Eya's life and she has happily accepted it, she is definitely not prepared for the next adventure of her life.

Finally! The change. The danger. The fear and the real adventure. It was in the year 1993 and just as the year came around, things were taking a turn in the new couples lives. "If my father was alive, I don't think he would really allowed me to marry this man, the soldier", she explained. One day, on a beautiful late morning, two man came to the house where Eya, her husband and their baby boy lives. As they approach the house the many neighbors living in the surrounding houses came out of their rooms to witness what is about to happen. With a loving carefree heart, Eya invited the men to have a sit while she offered them water and complete the traditional welcoming greeting. After the men establishes a relaxed atmosphere with her, they finally move on to the planned agenda. The two men asked Eya of her husband's whereabouts, but she did not tell them by explaining to them at she has no idea where he left to an hour ago. After their interrogation, they left her and her son unharmed with a concerning message for her husband indicating that he is being summon to some kind of meeting and so on. The concerning mother waited for her husband's return as a week passed without him returning.

"Our lives were in danger. There was nothing we could apart from running."

Before Eya could notice what was going, couple of men showed up to the house unannounced during the night to raid the house. They searched every inch of the house looking for Eya's husband and left without taking anything or harming the mother and the boy. Early in the morning, a friendly man came to the house to tell Eya that she needs to run for her life. The man said "take your son and what you can for food and leave this place behind. Your husband will find you upon his return." Eya said that the man left not long, she evacuated the property leaving behind her peaceful quite life. "I went to my mother's house. You see, there was not much of transportation back then, so I put my 1 year old son on my back tightly with cloth and carry only his thermos for food and walk all the way from Lome to Tabligbo (my mother's village. The distance would have been at least 80 kilometres and as I still remember, it took me one day to reach my mum's house. The only stops I made on the way was short rests for 30 mins to feed my child and then continues my journey. I could not have taken an actual road, so I walked through the bush, mini forests and farms. I had to be very cautious to not get caught, because I finally understand that my husband may have done something wrong and we are to pay the price."

Another week has passed and finally Eya's husband returned. He knew not to go back to their lovely home in Lome, so he made his way straight to Tabligbo where his wife was with her mother. "As soon as he reached the house and finished greeting my mother and I , he instantly explained that we had to live the country as soon as possible. He said, "right my wife, we have to leave this country right now and cross the border as fast as we can." All I did was pick up my son, put him on my back and hop on the bike that my husband rode all the way to come see us. That is how everything started. That is how my life went from good to okay and suddenly to bad. With all my heart, I trusted my husband with our safety and prayed to God every second," Eya explained.

"I was frightened. I was Very scared for the life of my son and my husband. I was in fear for what the future holds," said Eya. with tears dripping down her face, she faintly smiled and said that, all good things ends for better things to start happening in your life. As the story telling goes on, more and more adventures were being discovered and every puzzle of Eya's life was coming together. This woman was brave and courageous. She left her home town and her family for the sake of the love she has for her husband and only child at the time. For a very long time, life did not seem to be getting any better. In fact, things got worst along the way. "After we started running for our lives, we no longer belonged anywhere in the world. We suddenly became strangers everywhere we went." From Tabligbo, Eya's mother's hometown, they end up in Lokossa and then to Atieme and finally they end up in Cotonou. All this names are little towns and cities of a country called Benin in west Africa. In both Lokossa and Atieme, Eya and her family were not quite welcome. Instead of finding peace and being accept, they were chased out by thieves and assassins that were after the husband. In both towns, their house was robbed many times while they were not home. One full moon night, Eya explained that while they were sleeping, the robbers came and took everything out of the house. "We made sure not to make a sounds and quickly turned off our night lamp as soon as we heard their footsteps outside the house. It was in the middle of the night, so there was no place we could run to. Lucky for us, these men that robbed us that night were not assassins. Never-less, my husband and I were terrified for our lives and especially our dear son's life," Eya stated.

"You cannot imagine what I went through for my family."

After all that Eya and her family went through at the early stage of the Togolese Civil War, they finally found themselves in Cotonou, the capital city of Benin. Instead of being granted the Refugee title when they enlisted for it, they were rejected. Many misunderstandings took place and somehow Eya's husband was being investigate. "Getting to Benin was not easy. My husband rode his bike all the way from Togo while carrying me and my son. It took us many days. We did lots of stopping on the way. However, we constantly have to keep looking back and check that no one was following us." She continues, "You know, we had to sleep under the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) office building for a month before being we were deemed as REFUGEES." Eya's life did not just stopped there. From officially becoming a "Refugee", Eya and her family went from a refugee site in Cotonou to a village called Kpomasse. By the time their refugee status was granted, Eya had three other children along the way. In the year 1995, she had another boy. In 1996, the family of four welcomed a girl and in 1997, the family welcomed a boy. They were a family of six while looking for ways to remove their lives from danger. before being granted the title of refugee. Finally, they can stop running. They can build their lives in one place and make new happy memories. "Out of every sad story, there are happy stories behind it."

Eya goes on with her life story. She illustrated that after they have settled and have made plans for the future, it wasn't long before the inevitable happened to her. With every life left in her, she wished that she could have disappeared from the face of the earth. She stated that she never saw what was coming and never-less, she has never thought that she could loose more than she she already has. Little did she know, in the year 2001, the world went from blue skies with a blazing sun in the middle of the day to dark clouds and thunder. "Suddenly, I felt completely lost. I didn't know what to do. I did not know who to turn to or talk to. I had no shoulder to cry on, because all of my children were crying on my shoulders," said Eya. Once more all of her tears has returned. At this moment, you can see all of Eya's veins popping out and her eyes went from white to red. She could not contain the anger and the fire roaming inside of her. A cold breeze brushed passed as she sobs loudly then before. Her voice became shaky and the hairs on her skin pricks up while goosebumps formed up. She reached for a glass of water that sat in front of her on the table. It became clear that life definitely can get harder than some people can imagine. Her body dropped in defeat, but instead of relaxing, she was tense and very sad. "In the same year, i lost my husband and my son. "In the same year!" I did not think that I have anything left to live for. I could not think about the rest of my children except the lose that I have endure for many years to come," she proclaimed.

"My scars have once again opened up. I am alone in this world. Many years have passed and I still feel apart of myself being alone in this world.

After founding the courage to talk about her pains, she suddenly smiled. Her eyes stayed saggy, but there was a new light in her. "I am thankful to God that I still live,"Eya explained. "After all that I have been through, things did not get easy, but when I fast forward everything, I could not be much happier. I still do wish that the love of my life was here with me. However, the rest of my children makes me feel alive and that's all matters." Althought there is sadness in her, there is also lots of warmth. Eya said that she is proud of her children. Counting out the names of her six children, she explained that each of them have their own potentials and went through their own traumas in life from an early age. However, life will be better for them one day, because they are now just growing up she stated. "I have been a refugee for 15 years before finally being given a third chance at life. I thank God for our new journey to australia. It has now been 12 years since my family came to Australia as refugees. Althought we now have our citizenships, we still feel like were 'Refugees', but it is better than before. Eya is now happy with her new life. She is thankful no matter the trauma that lingers around her. By telling her story, Eya smiles at her happy times and laughs and the joyous moments. However, her tears defined the person she has now turned out to be. With so much kindness and Love in Eya's heart, there is no doubt that she is one of the most amazing mother in the world.

Life may seem easy to live if you only look at the smile in someone's face. Until you actually talked to the person your being jealous of, you will never know the pain that the feel from the scars of their past. Eya is my mother. she is the woman that inspires me most in this whole wide world and I could not compare her to any other women. She is amazing, compassionate, intelligent, courage and loving. With the life that she has endure, it is only honorable for me as a daughter to have a dream that is all about her. My mother, the daughter of a farmer and a merchant is my 'Rock and my Hold'. she has crossed many rivers and seas just to make my life safer and free. My siblings and I could never ask for a better mother.

Our story is long and deep, but we would love to share them all with you.

Lamourette Folly