There is a saying that "anger is punishing yourself for other people's mistakes." Many times we allow other people's mistakes affect us , by carrying the hurt that they cause within us. Especially when it's those that supposed to love us and care for us. Like our parents. Our parents are the ones that should love us the most, but often times hurt us the worse through their awful words they say to us.
This is my story and my journey to healing through forgiveness. Growing up I was not the smartest, fastest and best looking. I was picked on, laughed at and bullied by neighbors, teachers and by my own father. My father would constantly put me down and yell at me for not meeting his expectations as a son. My father would tell "your weak", "your stupid" and "you will always be a failure". As I got older a bitterness and resentment towards my father grew stronger and stronger. It got so strong that I hated my father and wanted him to die. The anger toward my father was so strong that I did not want to be around him. I waited and waited for my father to say "please forgive me for all I said", but it never happened.
In 2007 I had a battle with deep depression and tried to commit suicide 3 times, but failed. I would say to myself, "my dad is right I can't do anything right." I remember my first attempt, I was on the outside balcony of my parents house, ready to jump, when my parents saw me, they told me to get down. But I didn't, I told my parents that I thought nobody loved me and cared about me, particularly you dad. As I was ready to jump, a neighbor tried to grab me from behind, but I fell of the 20 feet to the concrete drive and still alive. As I laid there, I could hear my father cry and yelled, "my son, my only son." I realized that maybe now my father would apologize for what he did to me as a child and treat me like the real son that he never did while growing up.
Another attempt came when I was driving with my girlfriend (now my wife) and she was berating me and yelling at me. All of a sudden the pain of what my father said to me 30 earlier came back. So, I slowly took off my seat belt and slowly open the car door and tried to go out unto the busy highway, hoping I would get hit by a passing car. But, she grabbed my shirt and pulled me back into the car. Again, I thought now my girlfriend would treat me kinder and more gentle. Often times our parents words affect all of our relationships in our lives. Healing is essential.
What kept me going was God and my two closest friends. I read the bible daily and prayed for hope and strength to go on each day. My two best friends would call me constantly to see how I was doing and gave me encouragement to continue with life and I chose to live. My friends were vey important to me, as I knew they would help me heal and overcome my demons of anger and depression. Their encouragement and support went a long way to help me choose to continue with my life.
That summer I was with my father doing errands and he just asked me "how are you doing?" I started to cry in front of him. Then he asked "what is wrong?" So I told him for 35 years I held a grudge against him for all the horrible things he said to me as a child and how I waited for an apology. He then told how he didn't know how much he had hurt me. I then said to my father, "I forgive you for all the terrible words you have said. After this, I felt a heavy burden lift off of me and I was free from the pain of anger and bitterness. My father and I repaired our relationship. It was the beginning of a road of healing, restoration and intimacy for my father and I. As the years went on, our relationship grew stronger and closer to each other.
When my father passed away in 2012, I was glad that I restored my relationship with my dad, as my last words to him was, "thank you for being my father." Life is short, but regret is much longer. The lesson I learned through my father is that we all make mistakes and we need to be quick to forgive, because we don't want to live with the regret of not letting it go and not making things right with the ones you love. Go and make it right with the people you love. Nothing is more important than having a right relationship with the people you love. Let go of all your anger, bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is for you to be free from the poison of the past.
About the Creator
The Beauty of the Land
It was long time ago faraway in a distant land. There dwelled noble people people with traditions people with cultures people with accents. They were peaceful people and they were more civilized than war. They had developed in this land and they had became something more durable than conflict. They were adventurous people. People who highly regarded collective and unity. People who were not afraid to fight for family. People who would befriend those who embraced their culture. And they lived with dignity and honor. They would strive to be something great. They were taught many stories orally that they had to remember. Benji was a shepherd and he hurdle many cattles and sheep alike. He was a very patient man. He worked most of his life for what he wanted. But he could not find a mate. He would sometimes dream of being with someone. He would drift off in his own fantasy. But all he had was cattle and sheep that he treated like children. He would keep watch over all of them and make sure they were well feed. And he was one of the best shepherd in his days. He was steadfast and loyal. He had some wealth. He would not be afraid to help his neighbor whom he often gave advice to about how to tend his sheep. Because the sheep would wander in Benji's flock. And then there were Queene, she was total opposite in fine clothing and fine array. She was the talk of her town. She was very beautiful and graceful. But she did not find a suitor who would bring her true happiness. She was scared of motherhood and she was uncertain about having a family. Queene never did anything for herself. She was well-maintained by her father's servants. And she was set to inherit a good fortune one day. It so happened that Queene had to go on a visit near a town by Benji's hometown. And Queene was well protected and well-cared for. When a raging lion came out of nowhere and started attacking her company. The servants told Queene to escaped for her life while they fight the lion. But Queene was stubborn and she hesitatingly moved. That's when Benji came along the way and he was courageous and brave. He took his shepherd's staff and rod and beat the lion into submission. And the lion ranaway after several attempts to recuperate. And Queene bravely approached Benji and Benji was still shocked over the battle with the lion and he was gonna fight more than he noticed it was a beautiful woman, it was Queene. And she hugged him tightly and said you saved our lives. You brave and courageous man. What is your name? And Benji said stuttering It is Benjamin no I mean Benji. And Queene said my name is Queene you must at once come with me. You're my hero and you deserved to be celebrated. But Benji resisted humblely and said Anybody would do anything for his neighbor. Especially as beautiful as you are. And Queene kissed him on between his lips and cheek. And Benji who have never known a woman enjoyed the kiss very much. That he said he would never forget her and will help get her to her destination. Queene said don't follow behind but stay near as my protector Benji. And he followed her into her relatives' city. And as they entered many shouted hurray for the married couple. And Queene and Benji locked eyes and accepted it. And during the celebration Benji asked her to marry him. And her relatives after hearing the story shouted well marry him. And Queene and Benji were married and she sought news to her father's house who was thrilled.
By Matthew Primousa day ago in Families
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