My Postpartum Journey

Postpartum is, without any doubt one of the most difficult times in a woman’s life. It is the time when she feels utterly lost and vulnerable. She has lost her identity and unable to fit in her new role. Maybe most women feel amazing during postpartum but the journey after giving birth was the hardest and most challenging time of my life.

Postpartum is defined as the weeks following the birth of a child. It is a critical time for both the baby and the mother. Apart from recovering from childbirth, she is going through various psychological, physical, and emotional changes. I felt similar changes and these changes were not at all pleasant. I was in complete agony because of my cesarean. I had no one to cook food for me and I wasn’t used to french cuisine. I was sleep-deprived because the baby used to cry all night. My baby was so fragile I used to cry thinking about negative things that might happen to newborns. The fatigue made my bones hurt so much and I used to feel dizzy at times.

Usually, after birth, it is recommended that the mother rests for 30–40 days in order to recover. She is surrounded by her loved ones who take care of her in every way. However, I was completely alone with my husband, far away from my parents and siblings. My husband is the most supportive, loving, and caring person on earth but he was also getting tired and sick because he used to take care of me, of the child, and do his office work as well. It wasn’t easy for him at all and it made me cry to watch him suffer. I used to cry on small things. Sometimes I used to cry all day thinking about death and my recovery. I wanted to recover soon so I could take care of my baby but I was feeling so weak. The doctor said I had lost a lot of blood and my iron level is low. I took supplements and tried to do everything but the fatigue and pain weren’t going away.

“I had severe postpartum depression. When I got to the point of postpartum depression, there was no reason to get out of bed; I was too overwhelmed to get dressed. It was just so dark. I think that’s the only word I can explain.”

Postpartum is an extremely tiring situation and no one wants to be judged during that period of time. Your body is taking time to heal itself and adjust. I remember bleeding for almost forty days and it was so irritating and itchy. My stretch marks were not going away and my belly was hanging there like a lump. On top of all that, I heard remarks from people saying, “Oh, why are you still so fat?” “Oh, why you don’t breastfeed your child?” “Oh, you should stop acting tired, you are no longer pregnant.” All these comments were making me feel weaker and frustrated. My body was a burden for me during pregnancy but it was turning into disgust for me during postpartum. I wanted to get rid of all the fats as soon as possible but I was supposed to eat as much as I could because I needed to stay healthy for the baby.

Taking care of the baby in the initial weeks is horrendous. We were alone with no relatives around us and how long can one survive on uber eats, that was like sixty euros daily for two times meal. The baby required complete attention and care. Constant crying at nights, colic pain, vomiting, diarrhea, infections, all these things made my heart ache so bad.

I’m glad my postpartum period is over even though I still have a bit of weakness left in my body. People say that I will never feel young again and I will have this horrid back pain forever, but let’s see. Let’s hope for the best and pray that our children grow into healthy and beautiful human beings.