My Muddy Mother.

Hi. Mother mayhem.

We have all been talking about how much we are looking forward to summer at the bach with you, and are envious of you living out there full time with Dylan this week. Also can you use the wood instead of selling it this year? That's right i know about your secret side earns, the bootleg liqour too. Dylan called to say the wood had arrived yesterday and we had a nice chat. He also sent me a funny video of your antics he secretly took of you last week for the archives. I'll watch it later. I haven't heard from you though. That's always suspicious. Anyway, hope you're not up to anything too naughty MOTHER!

So that annoying old Dick in the mud wants to press charges against the boy he abused and humiliated down at the surf club. He already got fired because of that stupid video about the rubbish making it look like the poor boy abuses an old man. Anyway someone has been going into his garage, stealing the scooter, and parking it in different spots along the cove. And Dicks convinced it's the boy. Unfortunately, the security company said there is no footage showing this person's face. Honestly, I think he is probably doing it himself for attention! That old man loves to create a scene.

The kids are being trusted with the boat as long as they control the crayfish pots this summer. It's an exciting year. Everyone has booked their flights already. The teenagers are all ready for the first year of setting up for the adults. Our first year of no children under 12. I just need to be convinced that they aren't planning to spend the summer making the next generation of children.

We all plan to party till we drop. Hey all my lemon schnapps better still exist too by the way! If not I hope you got a hell of a fright when that screaming alarm bell I put in the closet went off! If not convince Dylan into drinking a bottle with you and send me a video, I'll add it to his archives!

So we are sending the big kids down to you a week and a half early with the trailer, tents, bikes, etc. Try not to lead them all astray please Grandma! Dylan is going to help them with the meat and seafood. With seven of you there, we should be able to get well stocked up. Christie has some new smoking rubs to try so she is going to be on mullet duty this year. There are two beasts, five pigs, and four sheep to be butchered. I'm going to attempt to make dried meat/ Biltong this summer. Anna has her eye on the sheepskin. Her friend's older sister is having twins next winter. So she has offered to do the pelting and tanning this year in return for two sheepskins. Dad would have been so proud of them all. I'm not sure what the old man would be thinking of you though! I just watched the video/ Evidence Dylan sent me.

Jody Black! Full of life as usual. And I accused poor Dick of loving a good drama! Your dirty little secret file is getting rather full! I am showing this on family movie night. My muddy lagoon mother caught mud-handed! With mud on your face! Singing away in the lagoon, drinking gin under the full moon. The evidence is parked proudly in the background. Dick and the gossip queens of the cove really should be informed of this. I knew you had been up to something dodgy! ....You crazy old bat! Loudly and proudly performing a skit to yourself about yourself.

"Oh, Jody Black always looks so glamorous". "Her skintight mud suit is just to die for." Wherever do you think she shops"? "I do wish she would be my friend". Wow, Mum. Your muddy ass is leaking down the sides as you scooter off into the darkness. Let's make you into a meme and sell it.

I am coming to fix the spa pool next Sunday so you and your "friends" can drink gin at home! Please stop, Dick will catch you...Especially if keep leaving mud butt imprints as evidence!

Great to know you're keeping up appearances. We love you. Stay insane. Call me soon.

Rana.