My Mother's Breast Cancer

Have you had to go for a Mammogram because you felt a lump?

I didn't make an appointment straight away and I know I should have, but I think I was scared because my mother suffered from this dreaded disease!

I wasn't scared of having a mammogram but I was petrified of the results. I bet a lot of women are scared of what they are going to be told because I know my mother did. I remember when she told me her results! I was undoubtedly shocked to my core hearing what she was going to have to go through. It worried me a whole lot.

There are so many women out there today who are suffering from Breast cancer or any type of cancer. I know a few who have suffered!

My mother suffered horribly from Breast Cancer. She had to have a mastectomy. It left her in a terrible way, emotionally as well as painfully. She suffered so much. She was also Diabetic and on insulin so this made it harder for her to heal after a mastectomy. She went through agony.

Before she was diagnosed with Breast cancer, at 50 years old, my mother had three minor heart attacks and it left her with heart failure. Six months later, she felt a lump under her arm and so she went to see her Doctor. After her mammogram, she was diagnosed with Breast cancer. She had to have a mastectomy and all of her lymph nodes removed because they were cancerous. It took a few months for her to recover. I hated to see her in so much pain and with tubes going through her making her terribly uncomfortable.

Of course, she eventually recovered from it and healed but it took a lot out of her. After the mastectomy, she had radiotherapy because she couldn't have chemotherapy. They told her that she couldn't have chemotherapy because her heart was too weak plus she was type 1 diabetic. We hoped it was enough.

She took Tamoxifen for 5 years and then she was taken off it because you can only take it for that amount of time. She was in remission and then, not long after, Breast cancer returned with a vengeance!

It went to the other breast. She coped very well at the end but we knew it would end at some point. The doctors gave her a choice; to have a second mastectomy but there was a risk of her passing away during surgery because of her weak heart. She could either take the risk and have the mastectomy or leave it and spend more time with her family. She was at a loss. I remember how she cried over it and talked about it with me. I wanted her to have the surgery because maybe it just might do the trick and get rid of the nasty disease. Of course, the doctors said it was not likely that she would make it through the surgery and that's what she feared the most!

In the end, she decided not to go through with the surgery and live her last days enjoying her time with my dad and me, and all of the family. We knew it was a risk not having the surgery because I thought she might have the chance to recover and get through it, but it was her choice and we couldn't change her mind. Sometimes I think about it and wonder 'what if she did have the surgery?' Would she have lived through it? I still wonder about it today!

When I think of it now, I remember how she had lived a good life for a while since coming off Tamoxifen. It took some time for the cancer to come back. Suddenly, she started to deteriorate and she knew it was time to make plans.

Before she was due to go into a respite care home, her heart gave out and she died of a massive heart attack at home. Her body couldn't take the pain she was in. The morphine had weakened her mind and made her so tired at the end. It was hard to see her like that so it was a blessing for herself to die instantly.

After her funeral, I heard how three other women in my family were diagnosed with Breast Cancer plus today my a good friend of mine is also suffering from it. It's a devastating horror for any woman to have to go through at any time in their life.

 I remember my first mammogram. It wasn't the mammogram that scared me but the waiting time afterward. They made me wait outside for my results only because they knew that my mother had died from Breast Cancer. The time I had waited was an awful experience. Of course, my results were good. I was one of the lucky ones!

I know it's a terrible thing to hear when you have Breast Cancer. It's even more devastating for family members too because you think that you will lose that person immediately. Of course, that's just the feeling of shock that we have to deal with in the beginning.

It's a horrible disease! Not something any woman wants to suffer from!

My mother died on 11th April 2011 at the age of 63!

Do you know someone who is suffering from Breast cancer?

This article is also published on Medium.com

Denise Larkin is an author/writer. She writes about topics that affect her.