I want to clean up. Cleanse. Inside and out. The world is telling me to scrub. Inside and out. I'm telling myself I would like a nice interior scrub. Soul and sole scrubbing.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. Just letting it rip.
APRIL 6, 2020
I watched 30 minutes of Vivo Life video today. They are really pushing their product, which I have never tried. But I got a ton of cooking ideas. Basic and simple. Eating plant based is not complicated.
I did 16 minutes of Tabata with my light resistance band. I have an app on my Garmin, which I really like. I followed that by swinging my one pound hand weights around.
While I was working out, I watched the first two episodes of McMillions on HBO. Oh my gosh. I remember the time, but I had absolutely no idea this was going on.
I tackled some dishes. And I can nearly see the bottom of my kitchen sink. I pulled 11 glass bottles out to be recycled. I don't really drink alcohol or beer. Mostly kombucha and iced tea. Now listen, I can't use a glass bottle just once. I drink a lot of water. And I like to refill and reuse before I recycle. And I'm aware of the fact that 11 bottles in one sink is a little...excessive. And that something else is wrong. A part of a greater issue. But I'm aware of this. And making changes. Small changes every day.
I spent my evening creating art.
I took half of an Ambien at 10:20. I continued to create art as I became drowsy and then crawled into bed at 10:49. Now here is a dramatic change. I turned off my television, and turned on my meditation app. Which I found through Deepak Chopra. "The Breathing App." And I was out.
Now trust me. I know what the Ambien rules are. You are supposed to get into bed and try to sleep for 20 to 30 minutes. AND THEN if you can't sleep, you take a half. A part of the reason so many people have so many stories, is because they do what I do. You think that you want to be asleep, let's say, within the hour. So you take the half and keep going. Truth, I like the high I feel as the Ambien is setting in. You wake up and there are weird foods in the refrigerator you prepared the night before. Sometimes I start cleaning, and then I'll wake up in the morning unable to find things. But I will get there from here. Because I want to.
> The Breathing App by, Eddie Stern: eddiestern.com/the-breathing-app/
I always saw my mom as a combination of an ox, a Mack truck, and Bella Abzug, all rolled into one. Minus the hat, my mom hated wearing hats, no matter how cold it was. She was smart, funny, and was always the head balabusta in charge. She ran the house, balancing her checkbook to the penny. Years later, I dared to tell her that balancing my checkbook was unnecessary, because I followed my account on-line. She shouted, "I don't trust the computer. I trust math!"
She was born in The Bronx, in the middle of The Great Depression, to immigrant parents. From what I understand, Grandma Bella and Grandpa Saul owned a candy store on Crescent Avenue, across the street from a playground. They sold loose cigarettes, and rolled coins at night, using cut up brown paper bags.
I know that she became a bookkeeper after high school in either the jewelry line or for a watchmaker. I wish I was able to clarify this when I had the chance. She met my dad in B'nai Brith, of course. I believe it was at the Hotel Albert in Greenwich Village, or they used to meet there. In either case, what I find colossally ironic is that I ended up working a few blocks away from there for 20 years.
After they were wed, they lived in the Bronx for a while before moving to Clearview, Queens. You have no idea how badly I wish they had remained there. After having my sister, they moved to Massapequa. My dad had never heard of the place, and considered Long Island to be "the country." My mom came from a very small family, however, she remained close with her childhood friends for her entire life. So much so, that when her best friend, Evelyn, moved to Massapequa, my mom grabbed her two year old daughter and her husband, and moved out there to be near her.
Then, suddenly, as if by magic they produced . . . ME!