My little boy

Bringing a life into the world is beautiful.

When becoming a parent everyone tells you to treasure the moments dearly. I never understood why until I became a mother myself. Growing up yourself, it feels like being a child is forever. When you’re 5, you claim you can't wait until you’re 10. When you’re 12, you can't wait to be 16. Once you’re 16, you can't wait until you’re 18 and then 21. Once you hit the 21 year old mark you realize you don’t want to grow up, you don’t want to get older, you want to stay young and go back to when you didn’t have the responsibilities that you now have.

Now that I’m a mother, I look at my child and I wish he would stay little forever. Obviously, you love watching them as they grow and they complete the different milestones but it becomes bitter sweet.

My son was born at 35 weeks. He developed later than a full term child. We went through behavioral therapy, speech therapy, we had early intervention, we even had a regular therapist. We maintained these different therapies for three years of his life. I watched him progress, I watched him go from saying one word syllables to speaking full blown sentences at three and half years old. Now, he’s five. He’s into the usual boy things like nerf gun wars, Star Wars anything, Scooby doo movies, Minecraft, fort nite, and anything lego. As the days continue to flash by, it feels like nowadays children feel the need to grow up faster rather than focusing more upon being a child themselves. We have the common arguments where he believes I’m being unfair to have him get ready for bed by 8:30. In his mind, he should be allowed to stay awake for as long as he possibly can until his eyes close without him noticing.

It’s bittersweet. I miss the nights where he’d want to cuddle with me until he fell asleep. I miss the days where he’d ask me to play with him. I even miss the days where he would want to watch the same movie on repeat (Cars 3). We would watch the Cars movie so much, it was to the point i knew the movies word for word. I even knew what part of the movie was on without having to look at the screen.

I've always said, when i have children i was going to raise them differently than what i was raised like. Then again, don’t we all say that? Now being a mom, I look at how I was raised and I’m thankful for what I’ve encountered, what I’ve learned, what I was taught on a daily basis. Some people aren’t fortunate enough to have parents care so much about them and their everyday needs like my siblings and i. Everything I do when it comes to raising my son, it’s somewhat based on how I was raised as a child. Am i trying to say my parenting is perfect? Absolutely not, I am not a perfect person. I make mistakes more often than I like to do. Am I a good mother? I try to the best of my ability to be the best that I can be everyday. If my son and I have an off day where he throws a tantrum and I get flustered and annoyed, I try to think about what I can do differently the next time it comes to that point.

My son, he’s my world. He’s what I can honestly say saved me from the path I was going on. Before him, I loved to party. I loved to be out wherever with whomever and galavant around, not caring of what could happen. Not thinking about the repercussions. Honestly, I didn’t really think at all. But once I ended up taking the pregnancy tests, I was scared. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I was afraid that I would be looked at as a bad mother. Once he was placed within my arms, everything changed. My outlook on life changed, my feelings about things changed. He’s blossomed into a handsome, handful, smart little human being. He has become an independent, thoughtful little boy. He has become my little me. He may look identical to his father, but he has my attitude and my humor. Becoming a mother at nineteen, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m thankful for him saving me. I’m thankful for everything he teaches me everyday. I thought I knew what love was, because I’ve claimed I’ve loved guys I have once dated. Correction, once i had my child, i learned what true love is. I learned what unconditional love is. I've learned that being a mother, you do whatever you possibly can do in your power to protect your little ones. I've learned that even though our little ones grow up, they will always be our babies.