My journey as a mother so far has been amazing, hard, and frustrating all at the same time. You hear from other mothers the terrors and pain and all the negatives. Yes, I had the symptoms and pain, however, those symptoms were bearable and wonderful. What made the pregnancy hard for me was waiting to give birth to my daughter. The anticipation of seeing my beautiful little girl and getting to hold her is what made pregnancy difficult for me. I am an impatient person and this time was no different. I wanted to see my daughter now, but I had to wait. I went through the pain of my chronic back pain getting worse and morning sickness; it was all worth going through to get to be with my daughter.
One other thing I had to deal with during my pregnancy and after, but gratefully, was the mood swings and sadness. Just like a lot of mothers I had and have those moments when I feel like I am being a horrible mother and messing up my child. However, there are also those moments when my daughter shows me that I am doing alright and that she loves me and wants me.
Now that she is over a month old, I am glad she is here in my arms finally. All her new developments, such as smiling and rolling over, are well worth the wait of nine months of pregnancy. I still have those moments of messing up, but I got lucky of having a support system where my fiancé and mom and dad talk to me and help me to feel better. I am having fun with her by trying to teach her things we all take for granted, like talking and walking. I am so proud of her; she eats well and grows well and moves like she is supposed to.
Do not get me wrong, I do get frustrated, but I have found that asking my family to watch her and then going and taking an hour long hot shower that messages my sore muscles and removes the clutter from my mind helps. I also have found out that I got lucky with being able to produce breast milk that is 5 oz. total. I guess a lot of people get only about 2-3 oz. total. Knowing the fact that my baby is getting fed what she needs in nutrition is what keeps me from completely losing my sanity.
For those that are on the fence about having a child, I have to say that it is all worth it. I also believe that waiting until you are ready and stable financially is not logical. Life does not wait for you to be ready, and you will never truly ready for a child. My whole family told me I was not ready for a child financially, but in my heart, I felt ready to be a parent. However, I feel scared all the time that I am going to mess up and lose her. Does every mother feel this way? Do they feel like they are doing things wrong and going to mess up their child and then lose them? I mean, I have help to do this, but I still feel like I will do this all wrong.
I am trying to raise my daughter in a way that is positive and encouraging. I am trying to be the parent that does not scream and hit their child like children used to be raised and disciplined. I mean, I will still discipline her, just in an encouraging way so she wants to learn and grow. So far, me encouraging her and saying she can do it seems to be giving her the desire to grow and meet her milestones.