My First Mother’s Day With No Mom To Celebrate With Anymore, Ever…

‘Happy Mother’s Day!’

Early this morning one of my sisters posted this greeting on our sister's WhatsApp group to wish all my sisters who are mothers.

Shortly after that, my niece posted another greeting on my family's WhatsApp group for my clan family.

The wishes that were supposedly heart-warming and gleeful now turned to become a stir of sorrow in me.

It recalled the grieving skeleton in me again.

My eyes couldn’t help but start raining...

It’s that time again in the year when we send greeting to the mothers in my clan family, spreading a warm message to all the mothers for their dedication.

Somehow this year is very different compared to all previous years — my mom passed away last year to Covid-19, in the most tragic and unexpected way that my family could imagine.

It was the darkest hour and great sorrow ever to happen in my family due to the way she parted with us. We were all grief-stricken and trying hard to get over it.

It was even more apparent to me as I was the one mainly responsible for her well-being at the senior-care center where she stayed, where the Covid-19 outbreak shocked everyone to the core. Being the youngest child I was also the one that was closest to her in her later years.

It was a complicated family issue where she had to stay in the senior-care center for the past year which was beyond my power to have the say. We all wanted the best for her due to her health condition and I sent her to the best exclusive senior-care center near us.

Some relatives or outsiders may question us why do we send our mom to say outside and not stay with us? I just felt the pain of being not able to tell them about the family dilemma I faced. As my mom had been staying with us for almost all of her life except for the last year of her life.

Every family has its own problems which are hard to explain and comprehend by outsiders.

I'm sure many of you would understand and agree with me if you're mature enough as an adult.

The main reason we sent her to the senior care center was that she couldn't walk which could deteriorate her health further, while she was staying at my eldest brother's house.

It’s extremely hard for me to get over it even though it was 10 months ago now, despite my best efforts and the comforts of my siblings and friends, including my Medium and Vocal fellow writers and readers.

Here is the story of how it happened:

I have turned to be a vegetarian as a prayer for my mom’s better afterlife, which is our custom belief and also hoping to cleanse my sin. I was thinking that if I were to react differently my mom could be still around and need not go through those suffering moments.

It was a test by fate to me and I failed to outsmart IT.

I really do not want to talk so much about this event again as I do not want to spread the negative vibe.

One piece of advice I have for all whom your parents are still around, please spend time with them, be patient with them to leave little regrets when that day comes.

That day will eventually come to everyone’s parents.

You will never fathom this grief till it happens to you.

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* Originally published at https ://medium.com

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