My Favorite Queer Lullaby

I spent years in therapy. As my first marriage fell apart I begged my wife to seek couples counseling with me. She went exactly once to say, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore.” Then left.

Determined not to repeat the behavior and mistakes that brought us to this point, and determined to navigate divorce for my children in the healthiest way possible, I continued therapy for years.

My therapist was Perfect for me. A gay psychologist, ordained as a minister in the American Baptist church, (the progressive Baptists — not the b̶a̶c̶k̶w̶a̶r̶d̶ Southern ones) who was pragmatic and straight forward. Navel gazing bored him, too — so we had a lot of practical discussion on handling tension, breaking patterns and protecting the kids. He was a godsend.

One of the gold nuggets that came from him — and I honestly can’t remember how this conversation came about — was him introducing me to the music of The Flirtations, a gay a cappella group, active in the late 1980’s and 1990’s, ultimately decimated, as I understand it, by AIDS.

I had to go to a small specialty shop in the far northwestern part of our city to buy their CD’s. I have two. My favorite song of theirs was the song they ended each show with, which appears at the end of each CD. It’s a lullaby called, “Everything Possible,” written by Fred Smalls, who had this to say online about the song:

“Thanks for all the kind words and thoughtful critiques of my song, ‘Everything Possible’ which I wrote in 1983 at the request of a lesbian mother trying to raise her 9-year-old son amidst the pressures of (toxic) masculinity. The song took off in the late 1980s when the Flirtations picked it up, leading to its performance by LGBTQ choruses around the world… As a straight cis man, I’m deeply honored and humbled by the song’s embrace by LGBTQ singers and audiences.

“I’ve thought about revising the lyrics to eliminate the gender binary. It’s not an easy fix. For now, my hope is that ‘You can dream all the day never reaching the end of everything possible for you’ affirms an infinite range of sexual/affectional orientation and gender presentation/identity.”

Michael Callen would end their performances with these words:

“Well, we’re coming near the end of the show, so we’re gonna sing a lullaby now. Try to imagine how different you might be, and how different the world might be, if more parents would sing lullabies like this to their children.”

I get chills, still, hearing, reading, or singing this:

We have cleared off the table

The leftovers saved

Washed the dishes, and put them away

I have told you a story

And tucked you in tight

At the end of your knockabout day

As the moon sets its sail

To carry you to sleep

Over the midnight sea

I will sing you a song no one sang to me

May it keep you good company

You can be anybody that you want to be

You can love whomever you will

You can travel any country where your heart leads

And know I will love you still

You can live by yourself

You can gather friends around

You can choose one special one

But the only measure of your words and your deeds

Will be the love you leave behind when you’re gone.

Some girls grow up strong and bold

Some boys are quiet and kind

Some race on ahead, some follow behind

Some grow in their own space and time

Some women love women

And some men love men

Some raise children, and some never do

You can dream all the day, never reaching the end

Of everything possible for you.

Don’t be rattled by names, by taunts or games,

But seek out spirits true

If you give your friends the best part of yourself

They will give the same back to you.

You can be anybody that you want to be

You can love whomever you will

You can travel any country where your heart leads

And know I will love you still

You can live by yourself

You can gather friends around

You can choose one special one

But the only measure of your words and your deeds

Will be the love you leave behind when you’re gone.

Oh yes, the love you leave behind when you’re gone.

***

Powerful. I did indeed sing this to my children often. It fed my own soul in ways I have yet to tell them about.

I’ve sung this myself in a church at a baby dedication ceremony, and also recorded it for my children. That recording was played during my second (I Know…) wedding ceremony, where they were each given a gift by my new wife and me. I throw one HELL of a great wedding, just sayin’.

As I come to terms with the full truth of my own identity, I encounter so many amazing trans folk on the road to or through their own truth.

This is not an easy path.

I can’t promise it ever will be.

But, with huge thanks to ALL those who’ve come before me — older AND younger — and helped me hate myself a little less, and love myself a little more, I offer this lullaby to you.

May it bring you the kind of peace it brings to me.

Peace, Lovelies

-MM