My Father Abandoned Our Family When I Was A Little Girl
A letter to my father that left us for another woman
I should note, that this is actually a letter that I sent to my father as my therapist suggested. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. I never heard back from him, and I am glad. Maybe, someone can relate to this, you know even if one person feels like they are not alone after reading this, then I am glad I have put it out there. Love, Mash.
"Hello, I am writing this letter as my therapist believes I hold a lot of hurt and hate in my heart towards you and as she said this should make me feel better. She said I don’t have to send this to feel better but I don’t think just putting my feeling in words like this is enough. I think you should know how much hurt you put me through when I was younger. I guess if you are reading this - well I decided to send it. Here we go."
"For some reason Jack, yourself and Mum seem to think that I don’t want to have anything to do with you because of money. Well that’s not the case."
"I couldn’t care less about the fact that you didn’t give me any money for my UK trip or gave me any money for my car. I mean I only asked for money because Mum pressured me, I saved $7K for my car and mum gave me $7K. She also bought me tickets for UK, so it was only fair to ask my father who was never been there physically or emotionally to be there for me financially. Funny enough, you know why I wasn’t disappointed when you said no? Because I already knew you were gonna say no before I asked. I learned a long time ago what type of person you are. And I am thankful that you payed my rego, so thank you - I did tell mum that I would pay you back but she said I shouldn’t as you have enough money - she is not wrong. But money can’t erase the pain caused."
"The money might of helped Mum support us, but all I really wanted was a dad who’d be there for me, but you choose to put your other family before us."
"Honestly, I don’t want to have anything to do with you because you’ve never really been a father to me."
"Sure you’ve supported us financially because you had to by law and saw us once in a blue moon. That doesn’t make you a dad."
"I still remember you saying - “I am living your mum and not you kids” - were you just lying to yourself?"
"Maybe you believe that because I was your child - I had to reach out to you? Well you see the thing is, if you made an effort when I was younger say 6 to 12 and maybe if you didn’t pick your wife over me when I lived with you and maybe if you didn’t move cities just to not be next to us (my mum) I don’t care - it’s the same shit maybe I would make an effort. You choose to start a family with your mistress over being next to your kids."
"And I can understand the cheating, the breakup and the divorce now that I am an adult because I know things happened and that’s life, but it is your life choices that have destroyed our relationship."
"I grew up without a father not because you and Mum split up, but because you’ve never been there for me. I have friends whose parents are divorced and their dads live in another state, yet they still choose to come down to Melbourne, they call them and they are there for them. While you created a life of your own obviously and somewhere in the process forgot that you have two other kids."
"My friends dads have been more of a fatherly figure to me than you’ve ever been. They’ve helped me move house many times, fixed my car, picked me up from the airport, given me advise and have been there for me in more ways then you have ever been. And I am so thankful to have such great people in my life."
"You see I choose to block you out of my life because I have met people throughout my life who were in the same position as you - they had kids, they cheated, they split up - the only difference is that they cared enough about their kids to make them a priority."
"To be honest I am glad that you weren’t my dad and that I had such an amazing mum. She literally gave up her life, friends and family just to give us a better life. Sure we argue and clash but she has NEVER put any man above her kids even when I’ve been in the wrong. She raised 3 kids by herself and I am so glad that she is my mum."
"Jack was younger when you left, so he doesn’t remember much which is why he has forgiven you. I don’t forget things so easy."
"And I am glad you weren’t really my dad, because I remember how you treated Sasha and I feel bad for her - I truly believe her issues come from the fact that her mother put up with the way you talked to her. Funnily enough Sonya gets treated totally different - that child is spoiled as hell, I wonder if you are compensating for the relationships between your two older kids? Although I love Sonya to bits after all she is my half sister."
"And maybe you didn’t get enough love when you were a child so you don’t know how to love your kids? Well that’s not good enough."
"And it is my amazing mother who was cheated on who thinks I should meet you in person and tell you how I feel, to mend the relationship, to let go of the hate, funny isn’t it? After everything you put her through she can put what you did behind her because that is what’s best for her kids."
"So why am I writing this instead of telling you in person? Well that was the plan when I was in Sydney last time - but I would of just been a mess crying and that wouldn’t make me feel better because that would be a waste of my energy and still wouldn’t change how I feel about you."
"I know that you are clueless about this, so I want you to know how I feel. I want you to know how much you hurt me. I want you to know how many sleepless nights I spent crying when I was younger. I want you to know how great I am doing and they you had NOTHING to do with who I am today. And I am amazing. You really missed out you know? I am starting my own company, I have traveled to 15 different countries, I have lived out of home and supported myself since I was 18. I developed amazing friendships. And there are so many amazing things I am going to do - and you missed out on this and I hope you regret it for the rest of your life. I have carried this hurt for the last 15 year so now you know how I feel. I don’t want to mend the relationship with you, this is just my way of letting go of the pain inside me - father."