My Dad Has Dementia - Journal Entry #3

For as long as I can remember, my dad has had a sense of humor. Quick witted is an understatement. He’s five steps ahead of everyone where jokes are concerned and sometimes it’s as if he planned entire conversations to set up the punchline a few hours down the road. Amazing. And amazingly funny!

These days, even if dementia has cornered a part of his brain, it definitely hasn’t thwarted that part of him. His wit and humor are still intact that’s for sure. Just a minute ago I asked him how his hand was because yesterday his thumb was very swollen and hurt so we thought maybe he hit it or got it jammed in something and just forgot. He showed me the correct thumb, so I assumed he remembered but he asked me – “What happened to my thumb?” I told him what we found yesterday and upon further inspection…Hmmm…no swelling. I told him “Maybe it was just your gout!” (Implying that he should watch what he eats and drinks) And his quick reply back laughing was “Must be bachi!”. (which basically means karma in Japanese) We laughed.

Secretly in my own head, it’s not funny at all because I know what he should be eating and drinking. While I’ve had the opportunity to feed him the way I’d like him to eat, we’ve wasted a lot of money because he will just plain refuse.

I could see today was another rough one for him because he seemed “lost”. Challenged by thoughts of “Where are we?” and “Whose house is this?” Then “Shall we fix the upstairs and clean up the whole house so we can sell it?”.

Huh?

I just go along with the conversation. It keeps him calm and helps him to get his thoughts out. There are moments when the words are stuck so I just finish up the sentence and he doesn’t skip a beat.

In between the disorientation, we traveled down memory lane to past workers, jobs, and all the funny stories of how he and his brother ran their business. I was there for the most part, so I knew what he was talking about. It’s fun for him and for me…makes me realize how much they actually did through their time as contractors. They were successful as business owners, but also as brothers. When I think of all the great times we had growing up, it makes me happy, laugh, and appreciate all they did. It was a LOT.

He drank two beers tonight. Leftover from the party with the gang the other day. It’s natural for him to reach into the fridge at the end of the day and grab a cold one if it’s there. I’m starting to notice that maybe it’s better that they are not there because it seems to get in the way of his cognitive abilities the next days. He ate a big salad that I made for dinner but didn’t want to eat the food I made and snacked more. Either he didn’t like it, or he just wanted to eat snacks since he was drinking. By the time he downed bottle number two, he looked at me and said “Ok, we go already.”

I reminded him that we were at home already. HIS home. And he looked at me confused. I never want to continually correct him as I know that can be frustrating when in that kind of state of confusion. Instead, I divert his energy and focus to something he does know. So, I handed him his toothbrush and he snapped back into the daily routine. He took his night meds, and I closed all the lights except the one in the kitchen and the one in his room. He walked right into it as I told him it was late and time to sleep.

He didn’t quite know what to do until I fluffed the sheets. He asked me what time I was going to get up. We’ve been down this road of questioning before, so I knew to just give an answer and added that I’d get him up too. It worked.

That put him at ease as he laid down and he went right to sleep.

Another successful day. Challenging but mostly peaceful.