my body will never be the same again

Despite being the same weight for most of my 39 years, my body's shape has changed immensely. Thankfully I have never had much problem with my body or worrying about what it looks like, I do think I have my husband also to thank for this.

My mum and sisters are not body positive but neither are they body negative it was just never mentioned growing up it just wasn't a thing. None of us are particularly bothered by make-up or looking glamorous although my older sister has always been very cool!

When pregnant with my two children, I put on weight, but with my first, it dropped off fairly quickly. My second was different as she was a big baby for my small frame and after her birth, I was put on medication due to post-natal anxiety. The medication had a plethora of unwanted side effects one of which was weight gain something that I had never experienced before.

I’ve never had to watch what I eat and I’m not a massive fan of forced exercise so when I for the first time did not like what I saw in the mirror I started down the road of dieting and exercise and it was debilitating. No one else seemed to notice except me, whilst seeing my reflection or my clothes getting a little snug.

I tried for a month to restrict my eating and up my exercise but not having a huge appetite anyway I began to feel unwell as I was restricting myself and with a small baby to look after I decided to go down a different route and come off my medication.

Now two years on when I look at my bumpy body I’m proud to say that it made two babies and I’m comfortable in my now ageing skin. I think no matter how much exercise I do, there is only so much kale I can eat in a day it will never look like it did 20 years ago and frankly I can't be bothered!

I still do have body hang-ups occasionally like everyone, I wish my teeth were a bit straighter, my boobs and my bum have started to go south and I have age spots on my hands but there is nothing I can do about it now.

I want to set the same example to my two daughters that my mum did to me which is just to be nonchalant about it, neither positive nor negative. Not easy with a teenager growing up with TikTok and Instagram but I have instilled in her that it is better to eat what she wants (within reason) and be happy in her skin. Thankfully she is very much into sports so is quite fit and strong!

When she gives you the gift of children. She’s given you herself. Her life will never be the same.

She will change. Her ambitions. Her priorities. Her body. Her work. Her entire life will uproot. She’ll push her own desires and even her own self worth to the back of the shelf whilst she focuses on everyone else in the family except herself for a while.

Your job as a husband isn’t to support her through pregnancy. It’s not to “provide” for her. It’s not to “get annoyed” because she’s always cranky, bored because her body has changed and it’s certainly not to start looking for greener pastures….

There will be days when I don’t like what I see, this year in particular as I turn the big 4–0 but I’d rather age gracefully by looking after myself and being grateful for the body and skin I’ve got as it’s all I’ve got.

Thanks you for reading:)