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My Adoption Story

This is how my life became complete

By Dr Deborah M VereenPublished 3 years ago Updated 2 years ago 6 min read
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My Adoption Story
Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

Introduction

I devoted my life to my career as an educator. Teaching at the middle, high school, and university level was what I did and I loved it.

Most of my career was spent serving as an elementary and secondary school principal in a highly diverse and economically challenged school district. Working up to 14 hours each day was normal for me. So was spending several hours on the job each Saturday and frequent Sundays, too.

I also remained focused on my desire to marry and have children as my career grew. As I lived the best life that was right for me, I found love several times but love didn't find me.

A serious health condition caused me to have multiple surgeries until I was forced to make a decision to either hang on to the hope of marrying and having at least one child or to save my life. The choice that led me through the stages of grief was initially difficult to make. However, on the morning that I had the surgery that would forever extinguished that hopeful possibility of motherhood that remained in my mind since childhood, I was confident that my decision was the best choice for me. I have never regretted it and have appreciated my good health since that time.

Despite being in my early forties, the desire to become a mother remained in my heart and out weighted my desire to marry. This is where my story begins.

My Desire For A New Beginning

By Ross Findon on Unsplash

As a devoted school principal who advocated for my students, I decided to impact the life of one precious child in much more of a deep and authentic manner than I could professionally. Adoption became my choice.

I attended classes, had medical examinations, received various certifications, prepared my home for inspections, and completed first aid and safety training including CPR to comply with the rigorous state and federal requirements to adopt. I also produced all of the financial documentation that proved that I was capable of caring for a child. As I worked with several agencies over a two year period, I made it clear to each one that I wanted to adopt an infant. Even though I was informed how unlikely it would be to have a baby placed with me, I held on to that desire.

After I fulfilled all of my requirements to adopt, the waiting began. I waited for notification that my daughter was ready to come home to me for two years. Sadly, there were several disappointments. Babies and young children were promised to me as quickly as decisions were made for the possibility of motherhood to become out of my reach. The agencies never considered my feelings as they changed their minds about placing children with me so quickly.

One particular promise was especially heartbreaking. I was told that an infant would be placed with me any day. Baby furniture filled the beautiful freshly painted purple and pink bedroom that my baby girl would occupy. In April, 2006, my entire school staff surprised me with a wonderful baby shower and blessed me with everything that I needed to care for my baby. As a single woman, I was absolutely ready for motherhood.

While I patiently waited for the baby to be place with me, I received a call on my job from a social worker who used to work in my former school district. She told me that she heard I was adopting and that she was working for a private adoption agency. I vividly remember how enthusiastically she said "and we have babies". My response was that "my baby", the baby the agency promised was my daughter, "was coming home to me any day". As I concluded my conversation with the social worker, I remember carefully placing her telephone number in my lunch bag after the call ended. Sadly, within a few days, I was notified that I was no longer being considered as the mother of that baby. No explanation was ever given.

I mourned silently for several weeks because I only told my mother my terrible news. I did not believe that anyone would understand how an unmarried independent woman felt after finding out that the hope and dream of motherhood was abruptly snatched from my grasp. What I experienced can be compared to the death of a child. Each day I went to work and interacted with those who gave me the lovely baby shower and I did not tell them that I was not going to be a mother after all. I struggled with my decision to return the gifts or hold on to them through May 2006.

My Turning Point

By Wesley Hilario on Unsplash

Something inspired by God began to happen to me in late May. I kept having a feeling to call the social worker who called me a few weeks earlier but ignore the urge to. One night at the end of that month I had a very vivid dream that I called her. I only remember that something good happened when I did. So the next morning, I opened my compartment of my lunch bag and pulled out the social worker's telephone number. As we briefly spoke, I sensed excitement in her voice. It was at that time that she urged me to visit the adoption agency where she worked later that day.

Once I rushed to the agency after work, I was urged to immediately take a few more classes and fulfill additional agency requirements. Within a few weeks I was told that a precious baby girl was born in late May. Her birth was around the time that I had the repeated feeling to call the social worker and had a dream that I called. Since there was no home for the new born baby, the agency was ready to place her in the family services system with other orphaned children. The most beautiful thing about this story is that I was selected to be her mother. My baby daughter was legally placed with me when she was two months old and her adoption was finalized several months after that.

My Happily Ever After

By Derek Story on Unsplash

My daughter is now 14 years old and is the most perfect daughter a mother could ever hope for.

I would be dishonest if I said that being an only parent has been easy. Despite the difficult moments associated with assuming the role of dad while also being mom, I would not trade anything. Nothing compares to being the mother of my beautiful, talented daughter.

Love did find me after all.

It fills me with much happiness when I share my adoption story because it offers hope to any adult who has the desire to adopt a child. My heartfelt goal is to inspire couples with infertility struggles, single women, single men, and married couples to embrace the possibility of parenthood through adoption.

Thank you for reading my adoption story and reflecting on the joy of adoption.

If you enjoyed this story, consider sharing it on your social media platforms. Also, please consider adding a tip to help fund my work to increase family engagement in education.

Did you know that I am a YouTube content creator? Be sure to visit my "Ignite Family Engagement" channel to watch videos about the role parents play in education. Here is the link:

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About the Creator

Dr Deborah M Vereen

As a mom, former family and consumer sciences teacher, and school administrator, I write about parenting, family, and education topics. Visit www.Drdeborahmvereen.com to view my work as a family engagement influencer & my YouTube channel!

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