Mother Knows Best

“I understand, I’ll be there right away.”

I rushed to grab my purse and keys in the hallway and marched to my car right away. That day seemed like such a beautiful day; the sun was shining, barely any cloud coverage, a robin egg blue sky overhead and here I was driving as fast as legally allowed to go into a dreary dark nurse’s office to pick up my sick child. There was a lovely kiss of a breeze blowing by as I parked and walked up to the school doors. The delightful exterior landscaping feels like a trick or betrayal compared to the bite of ridiculously cold air conditioning as soon as I walked in the doors.

The bright flowers and cute artwork on the outside of the building are a sharp contrast to the cold, gray walls of the school hallway. No matter how many posters float on the walls, the school always looked so sterile with its cold tile floors, gray walls, and silver doorways, you’d never know how beautiful of a day it was outside, if not for the giant windows. Which, even then, the thick panes make it so that you can’t even enjoy some heat from the sunlight no matter how close you were.

The nurse’s office was even colder as there were no windows and cheap fluorescent lights in the ceiling. To my dismay, my oldest daughter Joanna was curled up on a chair in the corner of the room opposite me as I walked in. The nurse stood up when she saw me and shook my hand. Joanna had a stomachache and wanted to go home I was informed. However, from the sharp shoulders, the hands across her chest, and the raised eyebrow, I could tell the nurse did not believe Joanna was sick. She stood there half standing between me and Joanna as if to try to challenge the validity of Joanna’s quiet whimpers.

After exchanging words and assuring her Joanna would be back at school tomorrow if the symptoms subsided, I walked out with my daughter’s hand in mine. Her fingers were cold as I held her, her eyes shrunken and sad. Joanna walked with her head down and eyes lowered as if ashamed to have to call for help when she wasn’t feeling well. Anger boiled inside of me when I thought that she had probably been interrogated by the office staff because no one believed she was unwell. My daughter had begged me to let her go to school that very morning so she could take her science test, and I made her promise if she didn’t feel better at the time of her lunch break, that she was to have the office call me to pick her up. So, I was well aware that my daughter had not been feeling well and had intentionally chosen to suffer through in order to go to school. My face started to heat up as my ears turned red with anger at the thought of my daughter being treated like a liar.

Walking Joanna out of the depressing school and into the fresh air did us both a world of good. The sun kissed me with its warm rays, and I could again feel the surprising autumn wind in my hair. I looked down at my daughter who seemed to have been touched by the same magic as I had. Walking to the car, she explained it was probably more early puberty issues which was what I had suspected was the culprit.

Life for young women is so harsh and difficult. Either you spend all day taking over the counter medicines to lessen the symptoms or you must suffer in silence; your stomach churning and bubbling, your bones aching, and muscles cramping. I remember when I was a youth; I would carry around pain medications in my backpack despite school rules about pain medications. The difficulties of having to call my mother to ask her to come to school to bring me pain medication was traumatic and usually resulted in lectures about wasting everyone's time. I refuse to allow my daughter to live under that same umbrella of shame. I was alone in my priorities though, even my ex-husband thought I was being overprotective and was not sympathetic to our daughter's plight.

Joanna and I walked to the car and got inside. It was completely obvious from the relieved look on her face that she was happy to be free of the claustrophobic prison of the nurse’s office. Inside the car, I gave her some Gas X that I keep in my mobile med kit I store in my car. Driving home, I glanced over to see Joanna gazing out the window with a pained look on her face, every once in a while, I imaged I heard her tummy bubbling. By the time I got Joanna home, her face was clearly uplifted. Her mood and temperament improved; you would think a rainbow sprung up from a fountain. Once home, Joanna tried to convince me to let her go back to school to finish out the rest of the day. I refused though, because having been through that journey in life, I was aware that the medications may not actually keep the pain at bay.

“Mom, I will get made fun of if I don’t go back to class. The kids were already making fun of me for going to the nurse.” She whined at me; her pitch was high enough to hurt my ears.

“Joanna, the kids make fun of you no matter what. Wouldn’t you rather make them jealous by staying home for the rest of the day and being able to brag about it tomorrow?” I asked her, trying not to let my annoyance come through in my tone. It’s always so stressful for kids when they must go to school and deal with other kids and teachers. The expectations to excel can be stifling, I certainly am having issues with that myself this semester in college. As important as a good education is, it’s not worth risking your health for and I had to show Joanna that. Because if mommy doesn’t set a good example, who will?

“Joanna, I want you to go get your paint supplies and put them in your backpack. I'm taking you to lunch at Nia’s Cafe.” I said half giggling. That little cafe is one of our favorite places in town and we don't get to go often.

My daughter loves to paint, and we rarely get to go out together without the other kids. Joanna started jumping up and down like a bunny rabbit in excitement and ran off to go gather her supplies. The argument over going back to school ended the moment I brought up painting and her favorite food. I grabbed my art bag as well and went to wait for her in the car. Once I got settled in the car, soft music coming through the radio and birds singing from the trees outside, I decided we would eat on the patio. Not many local places have outdoor seating and Nia’s happens to be one of them with a beautiful view of the downtown shops in the center of town.

Joanna came bounding out of the house, locked up the front door and hopped into the car as fast as she could. We didn’t speak much on the drive since it was only a few minutes away from our house. Once we arrived, I told her to sit at the table while I went inside to order. After I ordered our favorite, Chicken alfredo, I went back outside to join her. Joanna had picked a table right next to the flower box by the parking spaces. Our seats were just out of the sun and under the shade of the patio. We had the staff at the restaurant ask why she wasn’t in school when they came out to bring us our food, but when I explained it was a young woman health day, they complimented my intentions and even gave us complimentary drinks just to show their support.

So often in society, mental health, puberty health and even interpersonal relationship health takes a back seat to the stress of “expectations.” Expectations of good grades, nice car, perfect body, full bank account and superficial friendships, yet at the same time, people are drowning in depression and anxiety. Personal and mental health are often abandoned to push ahead and try to meet those expectations by others.

In this modern era of “me first” society, you would think personal growth, health and mental stability would be the most important thing. However, often it’s the exact opposite as children, and adults as well, strive to get recognition from others to feed their egos. Reputations can be earned or granted depending on your social status or economic situation. Unfortunately, children are not exempt from this same standard. I didn’t expect Joanna to understand all those heavy-handed concepts, but she said something to me while we were spending time together that made me think it was all worthwhile.

“Thank you, mom, for caring so much that you came to get me and let me rest. This was the best day ever; I’m never going to forget it.” she giggled with paint on her cheek. I honestly didn't set out that day to be an example of going against the grain, it was just an authentic moment where I insisted my daughter throw off the shackles of society norms and take care of herself.