More Than a Mom
Mama,
Remember all those years in elementary school when we celebrated “Kid Appreciation Day”? As all the kids around me became surrounded by bouquets of flowers, gifts and treats I would read a lengthy and heartfelt handwritten letter that often brought me to tears while enjoying some chocolates. Sweet and simple. Just like you. You would express how much you love, appreciate and see in me and how we had been raising each other; considering that you were just eighteen when I joined you on your journey. I know you would cry when you wrote them, reflecting on all that I had been through and accomplished already and the woman I would eventually become. I could feel your emotion. Your love. I have always felt it so deeply. I hope you can feel mine as I write this response. A response which reflects all the ways that you have inspired me and helped shape me into the incredible, strong, loving and resilient young woman that I am.
24 years now that we have been together. Oh my, look how far we have come. From an abusive marriage and addict husband, to just you and the three of us kids. The three of us who you have given every ounce of your heart and soul possible to. We never made it easy. You worked countless jobs to keep a roof over our head and food in our bellies to provide a more stable home life, even though that was something you were not exactly privileged enough to have. That is something I admire greatly. The fact that life has not made anything easy for you, yet you never give up. You always push to be better, do more than those before us and turn things around. Which is exactly where my resilience comes from.
I unfortunately took all of that for granted for a long time. I was a handful, and I still to this day wish I could go back and show my younger self, who gave you a tough time, what I know now. I thank the universe every day for the fact that I still have time with you to tell you all this now, because I know not everyone has the chance. Like Alex, your much younger sister who lost both of her parents in the same year at the age of eleven. One of which was your dad too. While healing through your own loss, you took her in as your own with no hesitation and obligated yourself to raising her alongside your two youngest children. As much as it breaks my heart to consider all that we have been through, one thing that gives me relief is knowing that you now have Alex. Or shall I say, she has you. She gets to grow up and go through high school and all her milestones with you cheering her on and loving her like you love me. I know that she is going to thrive with you by her side, just like I did. You have taken on the responsibility of several children who are not yours and loved them like your own, even when you were not quite sure how you would pay the bills. Children whose parents failed them, who were lost and broken. Having three humans of your own to love and give yourself to never stopped you. If there was a child in need, you were the first one on the scene. I have yet to meet another who is as self-less as you.
You have an incredibly powerful mind. You managed to manifest anything you set your mind to, even if you had not even the slightest idea of how you would do it. You believe so deeply that you pull it off. Every. Damn. Time. You taught me of the Law of Attraction and the importance of self-love. How to believe in myself and never stop chasing my dreams. To set boundaries for myself and never worry about what anyone else thinks of me. You showed me to be kind, respectful, and to always keep learning but also keep an open mind and an ever-changing perspective. You taught me to love everyone of all colors, shapes, sizes, ages and life situations and to have compassion for every living thing. To not take life too seriously and enjoy the present moment. Valuable things that are unfortunately not always taught or expressed.
I sometimes struggle to understand how you did all of it. How you were such a great mom, hard worker and compassionate soul day in and day out no matter how exhausted you were. Look at us now. You are 42 with three amazing grown kids, one sister that you have taken on as your own, and two grand kids who you adore more than life itself. You are on track to graduate college, while running your own small business and are the most secure that you have ever been in your life. Not even a stroke and aneurysm could hold you back through that. I have a hard time finding the words to express how proud I am of you. Of us. And if you ever look at me in awe and wonder how I grew up to be such a wonderful, kind, passionate and resilient human being then please, look in the mirror and remember all that hard work. All the hurdles. Remember that I am purely a reflection of you, and I would not be who I am today if it were not for the fact that you laid out a beautiful foundation for me and inspired me since the day I came into this experience.
I feel incredibly grateful and fortunate to say that among all of those in my sister circle, my mother is not only my greatest friend but also the best teacher, influence and support in my life. Over the years I have come to understand that not everyone is blessed with that kind of relationship. Although it has taken many years of experience, growth and open communication on both parts to build the relationship that we have in the present moment, I would do it again and again to reap the benefits of what we have sewn. To be loved so unconditionally.
Moms are a special type of superhero. To this day, as a grown adult, you will text me when I am having a bad day because you “felt” me. You will always be the first one I call when I need a recipe, a car diagnosis, a healing remedy, a good therapy session or just someone to talk to about the next crazy esoteric topic I am researching. I have a feeling it will always be that way. At least, I hope it is. Thank you, a million times, for being so self-less and amazing. Even though I know you would say, “Oh, hush. Its my job, but you’re welcome.”
It may not be Kid Appreciation Day this time, but it is almost the end of International Women’s Month and I cannot think of any woman who inspires me more, personally, to rant and rave about than you. I love you endlessly. We did it. We have survived all the trauma and heartache. We have risen above the darkness, began breaking generational patterns and started building a future of hope for ourselves, our family and those who encounter us. There might be more hardships to come, but the fact that I get to conquer them with you by my side gives me comfort knowing that we can get through them together.
To the woman who gave me life and continues to breathe it into me no matter how old I get, the women before you who fought and those who walk among us keeping the fight alive to instill these morals, values and love into the generations to come- You are extraordinary. Thank you.
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