Welcome back to "How to betray your child 101". A step by step guide on how to ruin you relationship with your son and daughter in law. Brought to you by, the actions of my very own mother in law.
Now, I know we all make mistakes, we are only human right? But the point of mistakes is to learn from them and always mend the wounds you cause...or at least try. I don't think my mother in law has learned that yet, because I still have yet to hear an apology for the shit storm she made. Who knew that being a MOM to a child that is not my own would land me so high up on someone's shit list that she would actually try to ruin my life.
Now I'm sure you understand that following her actions, we cut her off COMPLETELY. From June till about October, there wasn't contact. Unless it was about my fiance's phone bill or her bullshit attempts at guilt tripping us, we had no contact. She wasn't invited to anything. We refrained from telling her anything regarding the baby. She didn't see SD (unless BM let her have time, seeing as she was now BM's BEST FRIEND). She was not allowed at the hospital for the birth of our daughter and she missed most of the beginning of her life. She missed our engagement. She missed MANY family events. She contacted my fiance several times after our little girl arrived, with more bullshit guilt trip attempts. My favorite was the "I know you don't want me knowing but someone congratulated me on Facebook, after all I am the Grammy she will never know". She even tried to have my sister in law guilt us into forgiving her. Ironically, my fiance gave her options several times "if you would just apologize to Brittney for what you did, this could go away". But each time, she refused. She continued to say she didn't see a problem with her actions, she was just trying to do what was in the best interest of SD. BULLSHIT. She also mentioned that I disrespected HER as an adult because I called her out. (I confronted her and told her I was not okay with her telling BM my private information)...
Time passed and after a while, I could see that it was hurting my fiance...not having his mother around. Not having her around to share memories with, or seeing the kids grow up, or see him get married (at that time, we had no plans of letting her back in, so we assumed she would miss the wedding). At this point, my daughter was turning two months old and she had already missed those two months. So finally, I decided to take the higher road and I APOLOGIZED. Yes, I apologized (for doing nothing wrong). But I told her that I was still hurt and angry about the route she chose but that I could not stand to watch my fiance hurt any longer as well as see the kids miss out on knowing their Grammy. I told her we would take things slow and that she could come around for a FEW events... The Halloween parade in our city was the first chance she got. My fiance was IN the parade driving the firetrucks and I did not want to sit alone with all three kids, so since she planned to be there anyways, I suggested meeting up with her. It was the first time in almost five months that we were going to be in the same place, face to face. So I took back up...my mom. That was the first time she met our daughter and of course, she did not fail to make it all about her. Her friends were there... So instead of introducing me as her daughter in law (seeing as I was now actually engaged to her son), she introduced me as "this is his girlfriend"... and skipped right to "I am a Grammy again, this is my new grand daughter". I should have expected that... Shockingly, the next few months weren't that bad.
Now if you read part 1 of "Monster in law", you'll remember reading that she started showing favoritism towards SD. Unfortunately, this continued... and almost got worse. Now, my son and SD almost share birthdays, they are 4 days apart just different years. This past year we planned to throw them a JOINT party because we couldn't afford separate ones. Regardless, the kids had a blast, but of course SD made out like a bandit compared to my son. Same thing with Christmas, can you guess what happened? SD got name brand clothes and shoes. My kids...? They got clothes from Walmart (Not bashing, just trying to show you the difference). Now again, it is not all about gifts or money. You can clearly see the favoritism, when they take SD to do things but won't invite my son. OR when we ask my mother in law to babysit, she always questions why she cannot have alone time with SD. She repeatedly says she doesn't know why she always has to take my son too. Here's the thing, if his family treated my son differently, I would understand. I would absolutely NOT be okay with it or support it, but I would understand because he is not biologically my fiance's son. BUT his mother did the same thing to my daughter, who is very much my fiance's daughter. Now I know she was only 4 months at the time, not much to buy for a baby. But there were definitely other options than buying her two things for Christmas. Till this day, SD comes first. ESPECIALLY now that my daughter is no longer here.
Which brings me to my next topic in this interesting tale of my MONSTER IN LAW. This subject is sensitive and quite infuriating. So to be blunt, my daughter died. In January. Sudden, devastating, painful, uprooting. Now, this isn't a contest...but in anyone's right mind, you would thing the attention would be on that baby's PARENTS, right? NOPE. This has been a popularity contest for my mother in law from the second my daughter took her last breathe. Everything surrounding her passing, has HAD to involve dear mommy in law, if it didn't, well we all know what would have happened... but with the circumstances, we were trying to avoid any and all confrontation with this crazy bitch. So ever since our girl left us, my mother in law has been acting like "Grammy of the year"...by constantly posting about her on social media, suddenly printing out every picture possible and making a shrine on her wall at home, getting things made in her memory (even copying some of the things we were gifted), talking to everyone and anyone about her, and repeatedly posting about how "near and dear" the Gift of Life foundation is to her heart. As well as suddenly feeling entitled to being included in things we have chosen to do to remember our daughter. Okay, now I have a question...? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE? Why did it take her dying for you to give a shit? This woman even went to the extreme of getting angry at another family member for buying US a keepsake but not buying her one....WHAT? WE ARE HER PARENTS!
OH OH OH, how about the most recent event. So we planned to have a special memorial event for what would have been our little girl's first birthday. It was supposed to be private, just family and a few close friends. Sweet mommy in law decided to share it publicly all over social media and invite complete strangers, probably so she could have her moment of being "GRAMMY OF THE YEAR" again. Since this wonderful charade, we have since decided to make it public and open to anyone, where we will be releasing butterflies in our daughter's memory.
Now I have put up with a lot, and I mean a lot from this woman. I have bit my tongue countless times, for the sake of my fiance and SD. I have forgiven and brushed off many things that she has done. But when it comes to MY KIDS, it is hard for mama bear to stand down. Because, I care about the well being of my children more than myself. Because when you become a parent, it is NO LONGER about you, it is about THEM!
God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change...
This has been another chapter of MONSTER IN LAW, don't go far, I am sure there will be more. She is... unique!