Learning just how deep all the hiding and the lies went with my mother, couldn’t have come at a worse time in my life. We were all still grieving the traumatic loss of my dad. Never be the type to keep her opinions to herself, the most recent elections were going on with Trump and Hillary in the running.
As most people do, I woke up to read my Facebook. It was February 2. Not long after the September passing of my dad. One of my Facebook friends had a long commented debate going on about the election year. Always one to read the comments, I proceeded to scroll through the comments. What struck me the most is one man I knew from the small town I grew up in, making the worst inappropriate comments to a local woman. A woman I personally didn’t know, but found the injustice in how he was going far outside the perimeters of just adult debate, while she was just trying to state her opinions and facts.
Me being me, I took it upon myself to defend this woman by backing up the facts she was trying to state. It all started out in a respectful manner, but the gentleman, (or quite the opposite) made sure to keep it on an angry and very personal to me note. By my defending her and scolding his immature way of choosing to respond to both me and the woman I was defending, he decided to bring my recently past away father into the discussion. That was too fresh and too rude for me to just let go off.
Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have made such a bold and publicly stated remark towards this man. I partially blame it on my grief and in part to his ignorance. The next day I made a public post on my Facebook shaming and calling out the young man. Going into the details of the trauma our family had endured watching my father suddenly pass away in front of our eyes. In that moment, I saw no issue with it. It actually felt good. I was releasing my anger and defending an atrouish act on his part. My family, however, did not agree with my actions.
While buying my mother birthday presents with money me and my husband really couldn’t afford, my mother called me. Screaming! All over that post. I tried to tell her the reasoning for my actions, but she didn’t want to listen. I was told to remove it or be banned from the family again. Oh yes, you read correctly, banned again. This is ammunition my mother uses and has used on me when she doesn’t agree with my actions as an adult. By that I don’t mean I was abusing or hurting myself or anyone else. No, I’ve been banned many times for outing her affair, to getting into relationships and trying to live my life. Also calling me, “One sick bitch” in the conversation she and I were having.
I then took it upon myself to not only take the post down right after the conversation was done, but to yet again ask the question I’ve been asking for many years. I said, “If you’re banning me from the family again, then for the last time, I want to know about my biological father.” Her exact response was, “Good luck, he’s 6 feet in the ground!”. Followed by a click and dead silence.
I was shocked to say the least. I messaged my husband screenshots of me and my mother texting after that, because as you can imagine I was beyond confused, angry, and hurt. My mother took it upon herself to call my husband, not realizing I have sent all the facts to him already, tried to manipulate him to be on her side. Like a husband should, and knowing how this all made me feel, he defended me to my mother. Big mistake. She then yelled to him, “I thought you were a good person but you’re not! You’re terrible!”.
I then took to Google shortly after returning home and looked up Richard Fisher obituaries. Finding him didn’t take long.