Mom is Forever

If my mother could somehow perform three miracles, the Catholic Church would have to immediately sanctify her as a saint. The strongest substance that this woman has imbibed into her body is caffeine and ibuprofen. She did get married and give birth at the young age of seventeen years old, but that was over 50 years ago, so that isn't a dealbreaker. She is almost in her 70's now and she is raising her two great granddaughters, ages 11 and 12. Her oldest son was murdered when he was 20 and his daughter had died suddenly at the age of 30. In between those two, she lost her husband/soulmate after 35 years of holy matrimony, her daughter in law and her oldest sister. She did get a divorce from her first husband before she married my dad, but if she never did that, I wouldn't be here to tell her story.

My mom and dad decided to buy a house in 1997, out in Delware County, PA. Folcroft, PA, to be more exact. We had lived in Philadelphia my entire life up until then, and I was born in 1976. We all moved to the suburbs together because I was 21 and had begun my own family. I was a late bloomer and I maintained freindships with as many girls that I could but my first real girlfriend turned out to be my wife. I married her in 1998 but had a son with her the previous year. I remember when I first told my mom about my girlfriend, (now my wife of 24 years, another, albeit a foul-mouthed one, saint in her own right, giving birth to 7 souls, caring full time for our autistic child, just to mention a few things, but she'll have her own story. I owe her that), she took us shopping and paid for a whole new wardrobe from JC Penny for my new girl. It was a sort of invitation into our family. I had made previous attempts with girls but never to this magnitutde. It was very special and was just one time in many, many more that my mom humbly showed generosity on my behalf.

She has reached the age in life where some people want to relax, but it's not to be for her. She has been raising children, or helping to raise them at times, since 1970. She help to co-found a support group called Gratitude 4 Grandparents, a group that specializes on grandparents that have lost their children to the opioid epidemic or any death resulting in creating an orphan. They are overwhelmed and in need of legislative assistance but they support one another, welcome and help new members and do a lot more good than harm. My grand nieces lost their mother when they were both around 10 years old, and she was everything to them. My mom does her job silently and the girls are scarred irrevocably, but we love them dearly and will always be here for them. I have had to move in with her temporarily from time to time, all seven of us at times.

What I have learned from my mom can best be summed up by Langston Hughes poem, "Mother to Son"(1). Life is never going to be easy and pain is a part of living, but that's no excuse to quit climbing. Mothers have been enduring and perserving our collective existence since time immemorial. Believing that your own life was harder than your mother's, or her mother's, and so on, is not only not believing in yourself, but not believing in the ones that came before you. My mom would work two jobs when i was little. She took me to boyscouts. She encouraged me to participate in theater when I was very young and I did some theater. She joined me up for Karate lessons and would wait there until I was done. She took me to Toys r Us. I once won a halloween contest for a homemade Gizmo-the-Gremlin-in-a-Barbie-car costume. My mom was the perfect mom. What the hell happened to me?

My mom's family all took a vacation every summer in Wildwood. Her siblings lived a few blocks in any direction. We had birthday parties, christenings and barbeques. Somewhere along the line I stopped attending family functions in favor of hanging out with my friends. I know my mom was disappointed but she wanted me to be happy. I've had my own trials and tribulations, but my mom has been my rock. She is a legendary caretaker, maybe the best of all time, the GOAT, but she'll never receive the accolades that she deserves. She wouldn't even allow it. I believe she answers to a higher calling and she doesn't even realize it. So that's what I have learned the most. To do things for no other reason except they're the right things to do, and to do them quietly and even secretively if possible.

She is my angel. She has always tried her best to make me feel special my entire life. There came a time when I started to believe that I was espescially special and could outsmart the world but that was pure folly on my part. I learned that while I am indeed special to a select few, in the grand scheme of things, not so much...yet. One never knows. Castro didn't just choose to be a dictator. He saw his people in trouble and fought for them and won for them. Because we are Americans, we have been taught to believe that Cuba is a bad, communist country, when, in fact, it's a beautiful secret that combines communism, capitalism and socialism. But I digress. I don't believe I have the potential to be the next Castro but I figured that after learning about him, he really wasn't what his enemies painted him out to be and he did as much good as harm, like every other politician in the world could only pray to do because once you become responsible for a whole lot of lives it's inevitable that blood will be on your hands. My mom always told me that I could be President of the United States one day and through a weird and nuanced thought process, I set the bar at if I was ever to be the president, I was going to do it like Castro. For the people. Greta Thunberg could be my Chè, if she's available. If you haven't guessed by now, this was just an absurd attempt at humor while exposing my innermost workings of imagination. Let's get back to my blessed mother.

My father showed me strength, resilience, work ethic and some wisdom. My mother continues to shape my life. She always will. I was a mama's boy from day one, which created more than a few obstacles. My fighting words when I was younger was, “I’ll go get my brother to beat you up.” With the help of them, and many people, I am learning to appreciate the good things in life. Life is never going to be easy and things will go wrong. But without mother’s, we wouldn’t even be here. So appreciate them in any way possible. During the writing of this essay a friend of mine lost his mother. She was one of the neighborhood moms but she went above and beyond for us neighborhood kids. I can’t express how deeply I feel their loss because I loved her almost as much as my own mom. And their family had been through so much and my friend had recently had a disagreement with her and I experienced the same thing almost 10 years ago so I was trying to just go in between without overstepping because I wanted to let them know that what ever the issue is, it will pass if you let it. I know they were both traumatized and dealing with underlying issues but I can only pray that they found the peace that they needed.

So, for all of those with mother’s that are still alive, call, hug, and/or tell them thank you. Ask the people whose mother’s have passed on and they will tell you the same thing. I can’t think of a more pure thing on Earth than a mother’s love. That, too, shall pass.

Thank you for reading and bearing through my little Fidel Castro silliness. This is dedicated to Cathy McNichols, my wife, my mother-in-law and most of all, my mom. Mostly all moms deserve a special place in heaven. God bless you all!