Mom Anxiety

Being a mom is rewarding and the best experience ever. However there can be some downfalls when it comes to being a parent. Now even with these downfalls I would not change being a mom at all! I am a mom to 2 wonderful kids. I have a 7 year old daughter and a 2 year old boy.

When our daughter was born it was a crazy experience. My husband and I decided that we just wanted it to be us in the delivery room and not have family there as we made our daughter in private we wanted to bring her into the world in private. We also wanted to get to spend the first moments with her instead of passing her around to family. I ended up being induced and we did not tell anyone as we knew our families would come up to the hospital anyways. After a long labor and then stalling out I had to go for an emergency c-section as they kept losing our daughters heartbeat. From the time they told me about going for a c-section to it actually happening I was so nervous and scared my body would not stop shaking. Once I heard our daughter crying the world stopped and I started crying because I was so happy to have her here and knowing she was ok.

Taking our daughter home and being a mom was the best, but something would soon be creeping up on me and that was post-partum anxiety. Many know about post-partum depression and it is talked about during your OB appointments and after delivery and at follow up appointments. Even at my daughters doctors appointments they asked me about it and how I was doing. What I didn’t know is that I was suffering not from post-partum depression, but post-partum anxiety. I was constantly scared of something happening to my daughter and scared someone was going to take her. I did not let anyone drive with her except for myself because I felt I was the only one that was going to keep her safe. I was a major helicopter mom. But with my anxiety it cause major mood swings and my husband feeling like I didn’t trust him in taking care of our daughter. When we would go to the grocery store I was so worried someone was going to take her that I would refrain from going at any possibility. We lived in the town that I went to college in and I would take her on walks during the summer on the campus, but that was it. For the most part we stayed home.

When she was around 1 my husband really helped me see that living in this kind of fear all the time is not the life I should be living. I went to get help and was diagnosed with post-partum anxiety. Before my diagnosis I wanted to talk to someone about this but felt like if I did they would just tell me to just deal with it. I went to counseling and was put on an anxiety medication and after a couple of sessions and the medication working it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I still had worries, but it was not as intense and we have been able to enjoy life.

When my son was born it was in the middle of the pandemic and I knew after giving birth to him my anxiety would probably increase, but with the pandemic it definitely increased and increased by double. I work in healthcare and being pregnant in healthcare during a pandemic is stressful enough. I had been able to control my anxiety, but now the closer to birth I got the more anxiety I got. I was so worried of my son getting COVID and dying from it or me getting COVID when I was pregnant and we both died. The fact that my husband couldn’t go to any appointments with me did not help and I felt like I was alone. When my son was born I did not want people around him and if anyone held him they had to wear a mask. But this time around I made sure I talked with my doctor and we stayed on top of my anxiety and I talked to a counselor about my concerns so I had someone who didn’t really know me listening to my fears and concerns and offering me advice. Getting advice from someone who doesn’t know you definitely helps because then you don’t think they are just agreeing with you because they don’t want to upset you.

I encourage everyone whether you’re a new parent (mom or dad) or just feeling off to talk to a counselor. Having someone to talk to where you can vent helps relieve anxiety. Your concerns are validated, but then they also help you work through it. Don’t keep putting it off because it gets worse like it did for me with my daughter as I lived that life for a whole year. There are so many options out there and affordable options to be able to talk to someone or talk to someone about getting a medication to help. Just because you need help does not mean you are broken. You are unique.