Mom and I - Acquired Relationship

I am my Father's daughter. And as I grow older, I am finding how much like him I am—hopefully, an improved version. I have so many of his mannerisms that I can predict with almost 99% accuracy what he is thinking or saying. Growing up, I looked up to my dad, and he was/is my best friend. I would tell him everything and still, to this day, do so. And he never judged me or told me what to do - which is probably why I told him everything.

My relationship with my mom was more of a rebellious nature, primarily stemming from marriage. It seems to eclipse all other memories. In India, you have to marry your daughter with a dowry. Dowry is more than jewels, cash. It also includes all the utensils and handicrafts passed from generation to generation. And from the time I was born, my mom starting collecting dowry. She was expecting her daughter to be like her and learn cooking, sewing, and maintaining a house. She wanted a daughter who would go shopping for clothes and jewellery. And I grew up wanting to read books instead of cooking. Cutting my hair short instead of long hair as traditional women did.

Looking back more than the marriage - it was the act of 'Being Told' to do something. Life works out in mysterious ways, and I decided to do my MBA to avoid marriage. And I met my husband, Adam, during my MBA. As Master Oogway says in Kung-fu panda, 'You often meet your destiny on the road you take to avoid it.' It took time before my mom, and I came to terms with my 'love' marriage and not an 'arranged marriage.

I took the course 'Creativity and Personal Mastery', which started changing my relationship with Mom. I was beginning to see where people were coming from. Yes, I was very selfish for the longest time ever - still am, but relatively less. And I understood her more than before. And as I have grown as a woman and been a wife, the understanding has increased. And my respect and appreciation for what a mother does have shot up exponentially. I realized that there is more depth to a mother-daughter relationship than shopping, cooking.

Switching tracks, I have two nieces. And the youngest one was born when my parents were staying at my brother's. And I watched my mom, and my dad interacts with the baby. My dad was amazed at what she did and said, 'Wow, she grabbed my finger.' And my mom even watching her over skype - the unconditional love in her eyes was so evident. She didn't have to say it, but it was so clear that she was just so happy that my niece existed - however she was, regardless of what she was doing. I do not think anybody else existed in that space - isn't that wonderful. My niece responded to that love in ways that she did not to others. It is the unspoken language of true love. This is why, when I am sick, I want my mom around me. I am sure most of us do.

Women in my mom's generation got married relatively young and were primarily housewives. They cooked, cooked, and cooked some more. My mom still cooks for us as a family when we are all together. And she does that without any grumbling. I complain if I have to cook during the week or if cooking takes more than fifteen minutes. Granted that I have a day job. My mom and others like her have made peace with what is for the most of their lives. They have surrendered and learnt to live with the present moment and accept what it offers. There is very little resistance. As the saying goes, all roads lead to Rome.

• Experience of unconditional love.
• Real-life examples of surrender and acceptance.
• Understanding that there having a day job or being a housewife does not define me.

These are some of the jewels I have learnt from mom. I know there are waiting to be uncovered when I am ready.

Recognize the mother nature in you and rejoice in it!