Meant To Stay Hid By SYML

It was in August before my junior year started in high school. My mother got a call from my Aunt that said " Grandma has collapsed from a stroke" I was in utter disbelief. Denial even. I kept saying to myself " Oh, she's fine! I highly doubt a stroke would take her down!" My mother immediately left the house to the hospital. I slept peacefully that night thinking that she is perfectly fine. The next day my sisters and I went to the hospital to visit her. walking into her room slowed time. Everything felt unrealistic, I see my aunt standing next to a hospital bed. Next I see my grandma, laying down eyes barely open until she sees us all. She awe's I expected to hear her voice tell us that shes perfectly fine. Nothing, she only awe's and looks at us with her eyes wide open. She can't speak nor move anything besides her left arm. Devastated I fake being strong for my family, hoping that no emotion gives my family support. That night that I came home crying silently I noticed one of my favorite musicians SYML came out with a new song. "Meant To Stay Hid" is a personal song about loss. Its that tangible and uncomfortable whole-body feeling that someone is gone. It's the reality that our memory of them will fade and change. But it's also the beautiful, yet unreasonable, hope that we will see them again" SYML says in the end of his lyric video of the song. I knew right then and there my grandma was lost. She will never return to the strong adventurous woman that was, with me on my day of birth. Day after day during school I would visit her in the hospital or in rehabilitation/ nursery home for elders. I would listen to the song every time we approached where she was staying. My family realized we had to clean out her home and take whatever we wanted and give away the place I basically grew up in, without her there to greet me and hug me whenever I would walk in her home. Finding notes and papers that were meant to stay hid from my eyes. millions of pictures of my dead father in what was his room. I and my mother mainly cleaned the house out having our laughs and cries at what she kept. For seven months I missed school on and off to visit her and cleaning out her house. I fell in a deep depression and failed many of my classes. She was an empty shell of someone I dearly loved. She cried non stop at times while I was there. In a diaper that had to be changed by the nurses ever so often. The day that my grandmother passed I visited her one last time. Held her hand saying my goodbyes and how much I love her even though she was barely responsive. That day she didn't open her eyes at all but only at me once. Her crystal blue eyes softly looked at me before closing forever. My grandmother lived for seven months only hearing her say " hi" and "yeah" to me once in all those days. We had a beautiful celebration of life for her at her favorite gardens in The Morton Arboretum. I made every flower arrangements for her with her favorite flowers. Hoping it would makeup for the times I didn't spend with her while she was well. Meant To Stay Hid put all my emotions and thoughts in my head in the most beautiful way possible. Everyday I wish I could see her face once more and hear her voice again.