Maternal Instincts

Maternal Instincts

The school bus slows to stop at my driveway. I see Scott’s big, black F-150 near the house and shout out to Crystal the bus driver, “Can you drop me at the back road instead?” My bike’s at the stable.”

She looks at me in the rear view mirror, concerned, but continues along the gravel road. Everybody knows everybody’s business in small towns. She stops around the corner, opens the door and asks, “You gonna be okay?”

“Fine,” I say jumping off the bottom step. “Thanks.”

When Scott’s around, I stay away from the house. Not my choice, my Mom’s. Scott doesn’t want to be with a woman who has kids. I’m not a kid, I’m 14 and quiet too but Mom insists it’s best this way.

Sneaking up the back road on my own property is weird but it’s what Mom wants. I wasn’t expecting to see Scott this weekend. I wonder if Mom was? Normally I stay in town at Sophia’s when he’s going to be around. This weekend though is Sophia’s Mother-Daughter Spa Weekend in the city. Sophia will show up at school Monday with her hair and nails done, I’ll likely show up a stinking mess in the same clothes I’m wearing today. THIS SUCKS!

I haven’t been in the stable since Mom sold the horses. Dad asked her to sell them when the hospital moved him into palliative care. He knew she wouldn’t care for them properly and he didn’t want me to have that responsibility, even though I told him I could handle it. That was just over a year ago.

Opening the stable door is like rushing into Dad’s open arms for one of his fierce bear hugs. Many memories flood over me along with the warm sunlight streaming through the dusty window panes. I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting here on the wooden floor, crying.

The electricity’s been cut off to the stable so I’ll have to work fast to find things and set up for the night. As I move toward the back loft where Dad would sleep when one of the horses was sick I have an eerie feeling that I’m being watched. I look up and stare into the moon face of a barn owl perched in the rafters. The minute we lock eyes it starts to screech! Scariest sound ever, and loud!

If I go up to where Dad’s cot is, the owl and I will be almost face to face when I climb the ladder so that doesn’t seem like the best plan just now. I back up, afraid to turn away in case it swoops down on me, and inch my way to the tack room back at the front of the stable.

Woah! Looks like Mom’s sold everything of value in the tack room too. There’s hardly any evidence that horses lived here at all. Come to think of it, there isn’t much of Dad’s stuff left in the house either. My stomach starts to ache; a little from hunger, a lot from sadness.

I scrounge around and see that mom hasn’t sold all the horse blankets at least. I toss a gray one with only a few holes across the blanket box and pull a plaid one with a few more holes around my shoulders. They smell a bit, but I like the blend of musty wool and hay.

So, this is it, my wild, teenage Friday night party! Me wrapped in an old horse blanket, perched on a wooden box, a screechy barn owl, a few mice … Oh! Hello. I haven’t seen you in a while... and the friendly barn cat, a gray tabby, whose green eyes are shining from the tack room door. Do you remember me, puss? He’s aloof but doesn’t run away.

I managed to find a flashlight before dusk set in. Good thing because when I dug my phone out of my backpack to text Mom I saw that it only had two bars left. I check my texts again - still nothing from Mom - and shut it off for the night. It’s only 7:30 but already quite dark. Tonight’s dinner - my party food! - was a half bottle of water and two granola bars that have been in the bottom of my pack since God knows when. I could ride my bike into town tomorrow morning but there’s not much point. I left my bank card on the desk in my bedroom this morning. THIS SUCKS! BIG TIME!

You can hear everything in the dark. There are two owls now. Seems like one has been hunting. I hear softer hisses - baby owls! - and then their excited squeals. I also hear the cat settling near the wooden box I’m lying on top of. His company is comforting. I sleep soundly in spite of everything, too exhausted to care about much.

I wake surrounded by dancing dust flakes in the early morning sun and hear tiny mews nearby. Oh my goodness! Tabby, who I thought was a boy, is nursing five kittens on a half empty barley sack, near the wall. She must have had them during the night. How precious!

I watch them for a long time, fascinated but also afraid to move for fear of disturbing them. Nature is calling to me in many ways here in the stable but the most important call right now is urging me to run to the outhouse. Oh no! The mice ate all the toilet paper.

When I return to the stable, grumpy, I see both adult owls in the rafters - Mama and Papa. I’m dying to see the owlets I heard last night but know it will take some time, trust and a little bravery on my part before they accept me in what is now their home. I return to my horse blanket box and lean against it, sitting on the floor near sleepy Tabby and her kittens. She opens one eye, then blinks, as if to say, “I knew it would be safe to have my kittens near you.”

I don’t have a clue what I’ll do today, besides enjoying the company of my new friends. I grab my phone in hopes of finding some inspiration. Mom has finally texted.

Scott came yesterday to surprise me for our two month anniversary! We’re spending the weekend in the city. Will be back 5:00ish on Sunday so make sure you’re not around.

Geez! Thanks Mom. The house has been empty all night!

Sunday, 4:03 pm. Text from Sophia.

Hey, saw your mom with some guy coming out of the liquor store. You ok?

I’m better than okay but wait to text back.

I smile at Tabby and her kittens, now warm and cozy in a bed I made with old pillowcases stuffed and fluffed in a cardboard box. The kittens are so small and fragile with their tightly shut eyes and wobbly legs. Tabby licks each kitten in turn while they sleep in a sprawl of grey, black and white fluff.

I rode my bike into town yesterday afternoon and got cat food so Mama wouldn’t have to leave the kittens to hunt. She’s all alone with her little family so I thought she would appreciate this. She definitely likes the moist food better than dry. She’s let me pet her, something I could never do before.

After Tabby and the kittens were settled in their new bed, I scrubbed the stall below what I call Lady and Papa Owl’s beam. Owl pellets, yuck! When I finished I went high enough on the loft ladder to sneak a quick peek at 3 bobbing owlet heads. I was hissed at, but not quite as viciously as on Friday night; such a fierce sound, especially coming from two! They stopped their racket when I retreated to the tack room. I don't think I’ll ever feel totally relaxed with the owls, especially when they stare at me with those dark, liquid eyes but I think they know I won’t hurt them.

Got all my homework done this morning after a sound sleep in my real bed and had a nice long, hot shower after lunch so I feel pretty good now settling onto my horse blanket bed which I’ve pulled closer to the window. It’s covered with an air mattress, two quilts and a pillow now. Friday night was cold. Tabby’s box is at the head of my new bed so I can watch her and the kittens easily.

I found the old cooler that Dad used to love filling with his special “sandwiches for heros'' when we went on day trips. I’ve filled it with water bottles, fresh fruit, some veggies and cheese. I also made myself a big “sandwich for heroes” for my supper before retreating back here. I’ll eat it while reflecting on more of my Happy Dad Times memories.

Even if Scott does leave after bringing Mom home, I plan on staying out here tonight with my fur and feather families. We love and look out for each other.

I text Sophia back now that I know what I’ll be doing tomorrow.

Hey Soph! Hope you had a good time in the city. Can’t wait to see your hair and nails in class tomorrow!! I’ll tell you all about my Mom after school. Gonna talk with Ms. Grandin at lunch.