Ma Said, “I Got Em, Child… I Got Em”

“Winning is fun… Sure. But winning is not the point. Wanting to win is the point. Not giving up is the point. Never letting up is the point. Never being satisfied with what you’ve done is the point.” — Pat Summitt

My family loves games. This unyielding love of games comes directly from my mother, who was an only child. She dreamed of having a playmate. As an adult, she had six kids to play games with her. Each of her children passed the love of games onto their children.

Family Background

Our family played all types of games: board games, games of chance, sports, cards, Bingo, Po-keno (Bingo with cards), Squeak, Trouble, Life, Uno, Monopoly, dice, dominos, Scrabble, pool, whatever.

My brothers and sister don’t remember I was playing with our mother, grandmother, and various aunts and cousins for years before they were old enough to play games.

My mother and her family took no prisoners. There was no relief given just because you were a kid. Better buck up and learn how to play. Stop crying and deal. Life is not fair. Put your money on the table.

Every one of us learned how to talk shit while playing. It didn’t matter what you had in your hands if you could distract the other players with BS or anger or humor; it didn’t matter. Distract them, put them off their game.

Some of the best weeks of my life were when my mother won a large Bingo pot. “I got em, child,” she would say. “I got em.”

Mom would then proceed to tell the story of the win. How many bingo cards she was playing, who she was with, who else won, did she split the pot and all the other gory details that us kids wanted to know. After a big BINGO win, my mom was happy, so we were delighted.

Sometimes one or more of my sisters would go with Ma to Bingo; they loved it as much as she did. I was not much of a Bingo player; I would rarely go.

We Hate to Lose

My problem is that my family hates to lose. I especially hate to lose if there is money involved. The amount of money did not matter. It was my money. That is why I did not play as often as the other kids.

Once, when I was a young engineer, the other engineers invited me to a weekly Poker game. I begged off numerous times. Finally, after someone implied that I was afraid of the men, that was it. It was on. I agreed to play.

The buy-in was $100. We played with $1 chips. They had no idea that I could play poker. I walked away with $700 of their dollars that night mainly because they underestimated both my knowledge and ability. It was not that I couldn’t play; it was that I am a fierce competitor who doesn’t like to lose. I will bluff my ass and make you cry for your mama. After that, there were no more jokes.

One of the stories I use to make myself smile is the story my sister RC tells of playing Monopoly with her ex-husband KB. KB had no idea that he was playing Monopoly with real estate sharks. My family got him so worked up that he turned the table over with the board, houses, and money on it. The vision of him tossing the table makes me laugh out loud to this day.

My grandmother loved Bingo. One of the ways she figured out that her granddaughter was big stuff was not the beautiful clothes or the luxury car or big house.

It was when my husband and I took her to her weekly church Bingo. She played so many Bingo cards she had to play standing. She won on a $100 pot.

We brought everyone in the bingo parlor, a hot dog and soda for a dollar each. There had to be seventy-five seniors there, many from her senior building. Then, on top of that, we brought her twenty-five pull tickets.

My husband and I made her proud when we played two Bingo cards each. (She kept checking our cards even though we knew how to play.) Grandmother was the shit that day. We got way too many thank you kisses from all the old ladies for lunch.

In our family, there was no penalty for cheating unless you got caught. One of my brothers, VC, is a good enough card trickster that you cannot allow him to deal even if you brought the cards and are standing right beside him. That doesn’t rule him out though; we still love to play with him…he just can’t deal. when we are playing with friends or strangers, cheating is NOT allowed. We can only cheat each other.

Lessons Learned

The game playing prepared us for several real-life activities. It was not only my generation that benefitted from game playing; our children know how to play with the best of them.

SC, RB, TF, and KB are second-generation players that are not to be trifled with as they understand the rules of the game of life. There are so many gaming rules that apply to the real world. Here are my top six:

1. Know the rules of the game

2. Never let them see you sweat

3. Even good people will cheat

4. Be a gracious winner/loser

5. Play to Win

6. Know when to fold them

All that game playing paid off when I graduated from college. I needed to negotiate with a large Aerospace company about my relocation package and salary. There were issues because I was not a regular college graduate. I was a married woman with two children, so the regular relocation package was inadequate for our needs. Human resources told me there was no way that the company would change the package for me.

It was a game of poker. HR was bluffing me to see what I would do. It was to late for me to pursue a different job offer. The hiring manager had come to the university for the initial screening. After the interview invitations were extended, he interviewed the candidates onsite at his facility. I had his card.

I called him directly to let him know how disappointed I was that I was not going to work with him on his “doohickey personally.” I told him how I had researched the doohickey and had spoken to my professors about the issues he was trying to solve. We had an excellent conversation about what I had found out, which was no more than what I had learned at the site visit.

The next day, HR called me back and offered me a better salary and the existing employee family relocation package. We never spoke of the rejected package. I was a gracious winner. When negotiating, it is essential to know when to say yes to their offer. Many a deal has been killed by a successful negotiator who did not know when to quit.

When I called my mom to tell her about the deal, I did not detail the salary or the short-term hotel stay, or the extra per diem or the corporate assistance to buy a home.

Instead, I said, “ I got em, child. I got em.” Ma understood exactly what I was saying.

Originally published on medium.com

https://medium.com/no-air/i-got-em-child-i-got-em-8f1134f24fb7