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Lucky One

If you search mother in the dictionary, what does it say?

By Janelys OjedaPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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A picture of my mother

If you search mother in the dictionary, what does it say? “A woman in relation to her child or children.” Although that is true, a mother is way more than that. A mother is someone who loves you unconditionally. She will put you ahead of herself without hesitation or questions asked. A mother takes care of her children and provides for them. But sometimes, that last part doesn’t always work out that way.

I know who my mom was before it happened. She was the one to make sure nobody around her was ever down in the dumps. She did everything around the house alone and still managed a smile on her face no matter how tired she was. She loved to dance and to surround herself with the people she adored.

But all of that is just the remembrance of her. I cannot put together actual memories of my mom having a good time. No memories of her being able to do the dishes or cook without somebody’s help. I have no memories of her dancing without holding onto something or someone. I have no memories of my mother before it happened.

I know that one time she chaperoned a field trip I had at a farm in kindergarten. I know she was walking around watching kids and helping them when they needed her, but I cannot picture it.

Instead, I have visions. Visions of me watching the younger version of me. Visions of me telling my younger self everything that was wrong then.

In the vision of the farm, I see my mom in a distance—a fake smile on her face. She’s not moving. She’s just standing there. And the younger version of me doesn’t even notice her. She is too busy being a kid. She is too busy not having a single care in the world.

“Go to your mom,” I say to the younger version of me, but she cannot hear me. “I know you are too young to understand now, but she doesn’t have much time. YOU do not have much time with her before—.”

My mom disappears from the image.

“Mom?” Younger me cries and begs for her mommy. She begs for her mom to come back and run around with her. All she wants is for a second chance to spend time with her mother.

“It’s too late,” I whisper.

I remember a few years ago, my mom asked me to help her make dinner. She thought I should learn how to cook, so when I am her age, I can cook for my family. I didn’t want to learn. I wanted to stay in my room and play with my toys.

Oh no, there it goes again. The visions. One minute she is there, the next—

Ten-year-old me goes into the kitchen.

“Mom? Where did you go?” She searches the house inside out looking for her mom. She is nowhere to be found. Not in her room, not the bathroom; Her mom is just, gone.

Ten-year-old me hurries back to the kitchen hoping her mom had returned. She has not. I see my younger self grab the pots and pans and look at them in confusion.

“Mom!”, she cries out. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I want to learn. I want you to teach me. I need you. I can’t do this alone. Please, come back—.”

Her voice fades away as well as the vision.

Now I’m not visioning anything. I am just sitting in my room regretting the past. Regretting the moments when I told my mother no when I should have said yes.

Your mother is supposed to be the most important person in your life. Not just because she is the reason for your being here, but because of everything after. Being there every time you got hurt and providing anything that was a necessity for you. All the time she spent teaching you right from wrong. Also, teaching you to become the person you are today.

Your mother does so much more than you can ever imagine. And most of us take everything our mothers do for us for granted. We think it is our mother’s job to take care of us and provide. We think it is their job to be there for us whenever we decide we need them.

It is not a mother’s job to do any of that. It is called a mother’s love. A mother’s love for her child or children makes her nurturing and caring and protecting.

But how do we show our appreciation towards them? Choosing to be with our friends over them? How about wanting to stay in our rooms and not help our mom with chores?

I wish I can go back and be able to do those things with my mother when she was able to. I wish I can go back to when I was younger and spend more time with her to learn from her and enjoy each other’s company.

We as people never know when our last days are. Or even the people we care about. We need to cherish every single day as if it was our last. I wish I knew that when I was younger. Many people lose their mothers and it is too late for them. I am one of the lucky ones.

It is too late for me, but my mom is still here. My mom is diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but I still get to see her every day. She can’t go on field trips with me anymore. She can’t cook, she can’t dance, and it is hard for her to stay positive; but she is alive.

Remember that thing I said at the beginning? Sometimes a mother cannot take care of her child. That relates to me because now that my mom is sick, I have to be the one to do everything.

I wish I could’ve done the things she wanted to do with me when I was younger because I would’ve been better prepared for now.

But at least I got a second chance. She can still verbally teach me how to cook. She can dance holding onto me. She can still laugh with me.

Many people don’t get second chances. They don’t get a do-over. They have to live with the mistakes they have made and regret it for the rest of their lives.

Like I said. I am one of the lucky ones.

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