Love Always, Mom

Love Always, Mom

My mother, a hard worker. The optimist. The intelligent caregiver. The instrumental genius. The original writer of our family. The list goes on. Being a single mother raising 4 children in NY was no easy feat for my mother. Times were hard, but my mother worked hard to provide and to make sure we were happy. To this day, I am not sure where she got the strength to raise all of us, and go through her personal battles at one time. But somehow, day in and day out, she made it work. Amongst the many lessons I was taught, a few were prominent and still hold true to this day for me. As kids, we are taught many lessons, however, when we are adults some of those lessons take hold more than others. My mother taught me that times would be hard, and she in no way sugar coated this fact. My mom taught me tricks to survive on my own, and how to stand on my own two feet. When I went out into the world, I was ready. I was afraid, but I was ready. Afraid. Who wouldn't be? These were times I would call my mom, and tell her how afraid I was, and she would encourage me. "You're strong, you can do this. You got this. You're fine." Simple words that comforted me and let me know that I would be ok. The fact was, I was perfectly fine. I could cook, clean, and work like any other functioning adult. I was fine.

My mother also taught us how to be proud of the talents we had. She believed that everyone possessed their own talent. Hers was music. Instruments to be exact. In middle school, I took up a piano class. I had just ended my long-standing school career with chorus and decided on something new. Everything was great except the fact that 1: I didn't have a keyboard or piano at home to practice with and nor could I afford one, and 2: I was struggling hard when learning how to read music. Immediately I thought of giving up the class, but then I told my mom about it. This is when I learned about her talent for music. My mother could read music, and play the piano. In fact, she knew how to play almost every instrument out there. In high school and part of college, her job was to fill in and play for missing people in the band. Doing this job, she had to know how to play almost everything. Not only did she know how to play, she knew how to teach. I had never seen my mom filled with so much joy and passion as when she was teaching me to read music. No piano or keyboard? No problem. My mom drew one on paper and taught me to play that way. When I went to school and played for my tests, I passed with flying colors. My teacher was impressed with the progress I had made, but I didn't do it on my own. My mom spent hours teaching me, despite being exhausted from working 12-hour shifts at the hospital she worked at. I had her to thank, my mother.

The happiest moments I spent with my mom were not only in the kitchen learning to cook. Although these never felt like lessons, they were fun. Learning to bake most of the time ended with flour fights with the left-over flour, leaving us all covered in flour and laughing until our sides hurt. My mom didn't mind, we were happy. She loved seeing us happy, throwing flour, and giggling. Although this was a happy time filled with hidden lessons, such as reading and math. I learned to read mostly from reading recipe cards. The same went for counting. I was the only kid in my kindergarten class that could already read. Another lesson from my mom. Lessons I will never be able to thank her enough for.

Everyone who knows me knows I am a huge fan of many fandoms. Trekkie, Whovian, Star Wars Fan, the list goes on. Many people thought I learned of these through my older sister, who was also a huge fan of many fandoms as well. I didn't. In fact, we all learned of the love of these things through my mother. My mother was the biggest Trekkie if there ever was one. Comic book lover? That was her originally. I remember sitting and watching Star Trek with my mom and ended up loving the show. She explained things to us if we had questions, and laughed as we pretended to be our favorite characters on the show. I loved this world, where I could engulf myself in these worlds and forget about the world around me. My mom taught me that it was ok to be myself as I was, no matter what it was. Back when I was younger, I was often teased for what is now cool. Then, it was harder to be me, but I often got encouragement from my mom to stay true to who I was no matter who had something to say. To this day, I still thank my mom for the numerous hours spent engulfed in our favorite fandoms. This helped me develop not only a sense of self but also a very creative mind that I use to write my books. I couldn't have done it without her, my mom.

Amongst many other hurdles in my life, one became more prominent as I got older. I realized I was gay. I had people in my life that suspected, but no one really said anything. Although I told my older sister everything, I did not come out to her first. I came out to my mom first, unexpectedly. Thoughts swam through my head beforehand, I thought she'd be disappointed. I thought she'd get upset at the thought of one of her kids being gay, and that kept me from telling for a while. One day while sitting in traffic, my mom started talking to me about being myself and that no matter what she still loved me. Confused, I turned to her and asked what she meant. It was just her and I in the car that day, and we were headed to go grocery shopping. We had moved down south years before and had made our home in North Carolina from New York. She just told me that she knew there was something that I was struggling with, and she wanted me to know it was ok to tell her. Tears immediately streamed down my face at the thought of my relationship with my mother being broken because I was gay. I told my mother with the words coming out of my mouth slowly, looking at her reaction. Instead of the reaction, I was expecting, she smiled. She told me that she had known this about me for a long time and that she loved me anyway. She explained how she'd always love me, and that she was happy I told her finally. My heart lifted at that moment, and weight was lifted off of my shoulders. From then on, I felt freer than I had in my whole life. I had come out, and my mother accepted me just who I was. Because of her, I know that if the day comes that my child wants to come out, or tell me anything difficult to say about themselves, that I will accept them with love just as she did. For most, the story is very different and not quite as heartwarming. I can not thank my mother enough for her acceptance, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I will always love my mom for many reasons, but the lessons stick out more than anything. The most important may be that there is no love like a mother's love. Many show their love in different ways, but love nonetheless. Our moms are the only ones on earth who think we are the greatest, and that we can do anything. No matter what life throws at me, I know I can send a text to my mom and she will send back encouraging words. The most important line in her words and texts? Love always, Mom of course. Love always, Mom.