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Looking Through the Glass

Marriage

By Chris LarkinPublished 6 years ago 7 min read
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I am sharing my thoughts and opinions on the subject of marriage; First off let me ask you what does marriage mean to you? I see marriage as a journey it is full of life lessons and experiences. I have done so much growth in just a short amount of time of my marriage. It has changed my morals, realizations, and understandings I have formed in my life. Having a wife has really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking and gave me a fresh perspective on problems and the way I think and act on them. Now don't get me wrong marriage isn't all rainbows, sunshine and glittery unicorn farts, sometimes it's frustrating and it gets hard at times because no one likes to admit they are wrong and that there is a better way. If you come into a marriage thinking you are without flaw it will inevitably fail and more often than not it is going to be a messy and draining affair. So, if you want to have fulfillment and success in your marriage here are some advisories to help you get on the right foot, and to have what I feel is a healthy marriage in my opinion.

First, off Honesty. Honesty is a big thing for me day one. If you feel you can't be your true self with a person from the jump how do you expect to be your true self someday with them? And maybe yes you will act your true self eventually and your partner will accept you and grow to love you, but why put all that equity into a relationship with the risk that this could all fall apart in front of you and there is nothing you can do about it. When I met my wife, she was upfront and honest about her intentions and although I was a little thrown off by it at first, I found the blunt honesty refreshing and necessary to build what we have today. But I can't stress how important honesty is in a relationship, it builds firm foundations and invokes trust for you in your partner and vice versa. It also keeps you two from fighting so frequently, which brings me to my next point Communication.

Communication is a must because if you can't communicate your needs and wants in your relationship how is your partner expected to give you those things. Communication is vital to the very survival of your marriage. How do you expect your partner to know that you like to sleep on the left side of the bed if you don't tell them, or how you love it when he/she surprises you with lunch and an I love you at work, or how you think it's their job to walk the dog that you bought them as a wedding present or how it's their job to kill all the bugs that wander into the house you both share. Communicating problems, you have with your partner is another example, and when I say communicate I mean you talk about what's bothering you and listen to the rebuttal of why they did that toward you, not put your partner down for having flaws and being human. Listening is another big part of how communication is important, well you told them how you feel and you don't think they might have something to get off their chest too. You must listen to each other and there is an old story out there that teaches the values of listening and communication: A king was in a very unhappy marriage and his wife despised him. Until one day when he saw a merchant and his wife in the market, and they had the perfect marriage he had ever seen so he demanded to know how the merchant made his wife so happy with so little to give. The merchant replied simply that he fed her tongue every night as they sat down to dinner. So, the king rushes back to the palace and he orders the chef to feed his wife the finest beef tongues in the land. He did this for weeks and with no improvement in his wife state of hatred for him, he became furious so in a blind rage he went back to the market and took the merchants wife and threw her in his dungeon. The man pleaded for the king to let her go and the king would not see or hear the man's pleading for days, until one day the king told the merchant that if he would share his real secret to how to have a happy marriage he would release his wife. The man agreed to tell him everything, he sat with the king and explained that feeding her tongue every night wasn't literal. He said, "I talk to her about my day in the market, the things I had seen, the people I had met, I shared my hopes and dreams of our future together, and all the stresses of the world, as well as listen to her day too." He then went on to say, "Talking to my wife about everything, shows her how important she is to me in this life, leaving her happy and fulfilled." So, I hope you see how important communication is to your marriage.

Now, let's move to the next thing, Humility; people it is called a partnership, not a dictatorship. Learning Humility and swallowing your pride is key for a marriage to succeed because if you think you are the only one that matters in your partnership it's doomed from the start. There have been times in my marriage where both my wife and I forgot this and it almost ruined us a few times. But with the ability to take those steps back and communicate with one another we found a way to make up and move forward. Having humility helped us realized that the things we thought were important to us were really selfish and that it didn't benefit the other. Humility allowed me to forget and forgive my wife and vice-versa, it helped us grow stronger as a partnership and allowed us to learn about one another in the end. So, if your spouse tells you about yourself, and they are making sense or made a good point, tame that ego & swallow your pride, and fix the problem.

So, the final point and in my opinion an important and big part of every marriage, sex and intimacy. You need to meet the sexual needs of your partner, whatever they may be; I'm sure we all know that old saying, “a stray dog will wander.” If you neglect to meet your partner’s sexual needs then you will find them with side lovers. Don’t let it comes to that, meet your spouses’ sexual needs; if she likes men in uniforms surprise her shirtless in yellow coveralls and black boots with your ‘firehose’ in hand, or if he needs an activity to take the stresses of work from his mind, ladies surprise him with your blank canvas eager and willing to be painted in lustful passion. Make the effort, It is like I always tell my wife “you got to be in it to win it sweetheart”; guys if you want to know what that mouth do, show her why she should, and girls if you want that “man chicken” drop him a hint and tell him what you need it for; he can't read your mind. It's that easy people just communicate; tell them your likes, needs, and wants; you know what you like, and if you don’t share that with your spouse. how is he/she going to know you like it fast and rough or you like to be tied up and feeling helpless if you don’t tell them? Explore and experiment with each other's boundaries and limits, find out what works and what doesn’t. Don't let the scrutiny of the outside world dictate how far is too far in your intimate relations behind closed doors; you're married to each other not the world.

I hope this article helps you both enter and maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Remember that you both committed your souls and lives to one another and you will need each other's help and reliance to make that lifelong soul journey in life. Now go out there and see what you will discover looking through the glass yourself.

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About the Creator

Chris Larkin

I'm a husband and a father to two amazing ladies. I struggle with stress and life the effects it has on my family so I chose to use this media to express my thoughts and ideas with you all and to hopefully make progress in unifying humanity

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