Looking for a Donor

One of the hardest parts of being a transgender parent to be in a relationship with another transgender male is that neither of us can conceive a child on our own. Which is something we both knew going into our relationship. We decided early on that we wanted children. We had many discussions about starting a family together. It was something we both wanted badly and we started our journey almost a year ago. Unfortunately, it came down to me having severe gender dysphoria which put us on a pause.

After long discussions with a therapist and joining a transgender pregnancy group I have come to the conclusion that I am ready to do this. That I feel prepared that I have support in place for the moments when I am in doubt and know that I am not alone. My partner is the best, to be honest. He is so supportive that I could not ask for a better person on my side. It has taken a lot to reach this point and I already know that we have a great care team in place.

From now until conception is the hardest part. I have to work with my current doctors to get on medication that will manage my mental and physical health. By the suggestion of my OB, I have begun taking prenatal vitamins to make sure my body has the right nutrition in place. I am adjusting the way I eat and the things I drink to cut down on unhealthy habits and have it in mind to begin walking more frequently and take up yoga as a low impact work out to keep my mental and physical wellbeing at the forefront of my mind at all times.

What comes next is the hard part. Finding a donor. Now some people have the luck of having a friend that is willing to donate at the drop of a hat due to how much they adore you, but I do not have many friends as I have a harder time making them because I take great care in the type of person I keep as a friend. I have little patience for high school drama since I am at the end of my 20’s and my family can be dramatic to the point of frustration. This takes a lot of potential out of my potential donors. However, my brother has a friend that is considering donating, but we need to get to know each other to see if it will work out. They understand that we have a contract in mind when it comes to donations.

For my husband and I have a contract is important. Our donor is signing away their parental rights and if they decide they want to have contact with the child they would become a known donor. I am not against having the donor spend a weekend with the child on occasion or visiting to get to know them. It takes a lot of questions away from the mystery of who this donor was and leads to less stress around the whole situation. It seems only fair to the child in my mind.

When you think about it there are so many different parenting styles in the world. For us, it is the most important that there is an open conversation with a child and that we do not leave it up to us to dictate every single part of their life. I did not have parents that gave me the tools in order to live my life on my own so there was a lot of trial and error figuring out how to pay bills, do my own taxes, and understand rental contracts. We want to be able to offer that to our own child in the end. Either way, this is going to be an adventure that will unfold sooner rather than later.