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Living With the Narcissist

The Beginning

By Christie BuskirkPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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As young girls, I’m sure we all had the fantasy of one day meeting the perfect guy. You’d go on dates, laugh and talk for hours on end and get married one day.

As young women, many of us start to date and start to find out that there are far more frogs than princes. This generation of men was not taught the same respect as that of our grandparents and great grandparents. For many of us, we end up with men that we should never have given a second thought to.

When I was a child, I was such a daddy’s girl. He could do no wrong. When Mom would spank us, he would come in with a glass of ice cold Diet Coke and give us a drink and try to console us.

All I really remember about my parents’ divorce was one day being loaded into a car and moving away. I don’t remember ever hearing my parents fight. It just kind of happened. I hated living with my mom only because I wanted to be near my dad. It was never anything against my mom.

One day, our mom decided to let us live with dad. Apparently, he had more money and she felt he could give us the life we deserved. We moved in with our dad in a two bedroom apartment.

I don’t remember a time when my dad actually spent time with us. He would go to work, then come home and tell us he was going to the store. “I’ll be right back.” I was 8, my sister was 6. Dad never came “right back.” He would be at the bar until 1 AM or later. He would come home as if nothing had happened. He never asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. Never asked what we did in school. It was just work, bar, sleep, repeat.

I used to try and make macaroni and cheese for us because that’s pretty much all we had. I had no idea how to cook, so it would be soupy and crunchy and we would eat it like it was actually good. There were times we would be waiting on dad to come home and the weather would be bad so I would turn on The Weather Channel and wait for the severe weather alerts to clear. To this day, hearing the music on The Weather Channel makes me sick to my stomach. My husband and children avoid that channel like the plague just because they know it makes me uncomfortable. This isn’t even the worst of it.

Dad got a girlfriend. Her name was Kathy. Kathy had flaming red hair, sagging cheeks and breasts that seemed to sag down to her knees. She reminded me of Cruella DeVille, but with red hair. They drank together and fought nearly every night. Physically fought. You could hear my dad’s fists connecting with her body. I recall at one time begging him to stop and he made us go to our room. Then I remember having a mindset that she deserved it. Why did I develop that? I have no idea. How can two people beat the crap out of each other then say “I love you” and go to bed?

My dad was a narcissist. He preyed on bringing Kathy to the lowest she could be and then blame her for his actions. He ingrained his hatred for her into us and we hated her, too. I still don’t even know why. Hatred is a learned behavior. Have you ever heard anyone say, “the type of man that your father was is the type of man you will seek as a husband?” Is it true for you? It was true for me. Only my future ex-husband would make my dad look like a walk in the park...

Living With the Narcissist

My reflections on my life growing up with, then marrying a narcissist. How my life has changed and how I maintain positivity. I hope my story can empower women in the same situation to reach for their highest potential and run for their lives with it.

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