Like Ripples In The Water Mistakes As A Parent Ripple Through Time

Things ripple through time, and we fail to realize how much of an effect those things will have on us. Worse yet, what about the future of someone else? Remember that thing called responsibility? Well, that too is on you, like blood on your hands that you can’t wash away. I am talking about the sins of parenting. As soon as you create life, you’re responsible for how that life turns out.

Some parents look at raising children as a burden. They can be somewhat burdensome. No child should ever feel that they are a burden. So, why do some parents treat their kids that way? Why is it against the law to “slap the stupid" out of those parents? Someone should, for the young ones that can’t do it themselves.

From my perspective, at 19, someone said two words to me that rocked my entire existence.

God, were we young and dumb. Yet somehow, through all the trials, tribulations, and heartache that something like this causes young people, it was unequivocally the best thing that ever happened to me. Little did I know that no amount of planning would change the fact that I chose the wrong girl.

I could not pay her to take an interest in her life. She actually told me I was the best person to care for him because she could not? How in the hell did that happen? On what planet did I become the best choice to be responsible for a life? I was a colossal dumb ass, filled with all that childhood angst and crap from my father not being there as a kid while being raised by a mentally ill and abusive mother.

But, we have two choices when faced with the unthinkable. We rise to the occasion and get to work, or we run like hell and find ourselves in Mexico under the name Juan Pablo Garcia — not that I give it much thought. No, I was going to be a father.

Children need their fathers. They need their mothers. My biggest failing in the world was being unable to give my son a mother. I have never been prouder of him than I am today. Because after thirty years of her repetitive cycle that he had to suffer, he finally voiced his pain to her about her behavior and her never making her firstborn child a priority.

Maybe their relationship will be better now. He's stared the devil in the face and shared how he really felt. Hopefully, she takes this as an opportunity to make up for that by becoming a better person. If she'd regularly call her son, make sure she seizes on every opportunity and shows up for birthdays, holiday opportunities, and the special things they can still share, then there's a chance.

I know what I know from my family, especially my dad and my grandfather. Getting a new dad at 10, I learned over the years that you do your best, accept your failures, and keep going. Parenting is not a job that ends, not as long as you have a pulse.

I also see another child about to go through the same thing. Four-year-olds should not be suffering anger because of a parent, especially because of their father voluntarily disappearing from their lives. Watching it happen to a kid, seeing and hearing the sadness and anger in him, is a very hard thing to experience.

I imagine other kids suffering the same pain because of a wayward parent. They're someone not there that could be if they chose to grow the hell up. It breaks my heart and makes me want to lobby for a one-day deadbeat parent hunting season. Once a year, we should pay a fee, get a tag, and be able to put a boot to an ass or two and remind the men, and women out there that are ignoring their responsibilities, what price those kids will pay for the rest of their lives.

In the meantime, I’ll try to be a difference to the little one in my life whose father deserves that boot in the ass. Why, because I love the little one. Today, when my son, who was on his way home from work, hit a dear out on US 150 in Illinois, he called and woke me up. Despite any mistakes I might have made as a parent, he knows that no matter the time, day, or circumstance, if I can be there to help or just for comfort and support, I will find or create a way to do just that. On our way back into the city, he reminded me how much he appreciated me because I always knew that being there and trying was what mattered.

That’s what I’m trying to say. To fathers out there that aren’t in their kids' lives, and the mothers, I hope you listen. Grow a spine, pick up the phone, and call your kids. And if you’ve been forced out, get back in the fight and don’t stop until you see your kids. One day, on a lonely highway, in shitty weather, they might need to know that even if there’s nobody else in the world that will, you will get to them or die trying. And that’s how parents are supposed to feel about their kids.