Letting Go

The sun was covered by a thick blanket of deep grey clouds that covered any blue for as far as anyone could see. On this cold, cloudy New York city morning, she walked quickly into her favorite bookshop. Just as she approaches the rain starts to fall, drizzles at first but as she makes it in the door it starts to pour. She finds at the front door a box with a sign that says “Take some inspiration to chase away a bad day.” She reached into the box and pulls out a slip of paper, she made her way to her favorite, oversized green chair; curled up into it. She opened up the slip of paper and read the words: “Don’t let anyone dim your shine.” She laid her head back and closed her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek and she thought of the words that he used to say. She tried to remember the words said in his voice, something he used to say to her almost daily and yet she couldn’t summon his voice to her memory. Tears started to fill her eyes as she thought about the fact that it had only been two weeks but had already begun to fade from her mind.

She thought of all the things he used to do, and the things he would never get the chance to do again. She thought of his brown eyes and the way his hair was unkempt and perfect at the same time. She remembered his laugh and his captivating, wonderful smile. The smile that even on the worst of days could fill her heart and make her see the good in the world again. His face ran through her mind, almost hating herself for not being able to get him out of her head she crumples up the tiny sliver of paper and tosses it on the floor. Frustrated, she wipes the tears from her face, leans forward, letting her face fall in her hands, takes a few deep breaths and stands up.

Leaving the comfort of the bookstore she trudges out into the cold. With no direction or idea of where she wanted to go, she decides to wander aimlessly in the rain. Drops of water stung her face but she continued to tramp through the puddles and ice patches on her way to nowhere. As the rain turned into snow and eventually ice, she decided to head home. Home was just a place she laid her head down at night. Nowhere would ever truly be home again, not without him.

She steps into her apartment and shakes off her jacket and scarf, kicks off her rain-soaked boots and heads into her room grabbing her journal off of her nightstand she sits on her bed. She sets the blank paper down in front of her. She opened the notebook and wrote. Out poured all the words she never got to say to him, all the words that she wishes that he could hear. She sits for a moment staring at the pages with words that she didn’t even know she had, so many thoughts and emotions that she had left unsaid. She folded up the pages that she had filled and slipped them into an envelope; sealing it with a kiss.

She walked through the large, iron gate and weaved through the garden of stone until she reached his. She knelt in front of his stone marker and left the words she had for him, words of filled with emotion: anger and love, loss and acceptance. She kissed her hand and placed it by his cheek then she turned and left him; saying goodbye for the last time.