We experience many forms of loss in our lives. Loss of relationships, loss of time, and loss of loved ones. Loss is not easy. But it is a necessary part of our lives.
I have read many wonderful posts from bloggers about their losses and how they’ve dealt with their grief and one thought of one of my own stories kept cycling back through my mind.
About five years ago my Grandmother passed away, just two weeks shy of thirtieth birthday which was a pivoting time in my life. Her death hadn’t been expected and threw my family on quite the spiral. She became sick for several months prior making for long days of care and visits. When we thought maybe there was hope for improvement, things took another turn.
I was devastated losing her. She had always been such a rock for me in life. And in the last few months of her life, daily visits and chats had become a part of my routine. My grandmother was the type of woman that always knew what wisdom needed to be shared in any moment. And now all of sudden, in a challenging year of my life, that soundboard was gone.
I found myself sitting in a coffee shop one afternoon writing this letter:
I miss you. Yesterday I turned thirty and I am feeling myself faced with a life challenge; a challenge of love, of faith, and of finding happiness. I desperately listen for your words of wisdom, to lead me down the right path. You were more than just my Grandma, you were my friend and my safe haven. I would look to you for strength, for inspiration. I miss having you here to hold me, to tell me it’s going to be okay, not to worry, to lead me to pray. In my heart, I know you are still with me, forever in my heart. I’m sure you have become a beautiful angel, watching over us all. Even though it hurts so much that you are gone I know that through faith and prayer we will stay together. Grandma, please hear my prayer and be with me, give me strength and the wisdom to make the right choices. Help me live up to be the Granddaughter that you deserve to have and to follow in your soft footsteps ever so gracefully. I will always miss you, I will always love you, and I will never let you out of my heart.
Your Granddaughter, slightly lost without you but not without hope.
I revisit this letter a few times throughout each year since she’s passed. A year later my Grandfather also passed away, again about two weeks shy of my birthday. I miss her and my Grandfather both so very much.
Time does heal things and both myself and my family have come a long way since their passing. The imprint that they had on our lives remains and for that I am ever so grateful. Without my Grandparents influence I wouldn’t be who I am today. When my Grandfather passed I almost unconsciously went into hoarding mode with a lot of their things that remained. In a way I think I thought that keeping all their stuff would keep them here with me.
This year I have started going through the collection of items I had taken into my possession. I know it’s time to let go of those material things, for those items are not the memories or love of my Grandparents. Their spirit and love still remain with me, in my heart. I will always miss them but I am allowing the cycle of life to be what it is and to accept it. In loss also comes growth. This is what makes it necessary for our lives. This is why we must experience it.