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Lessons From My Father

That I Heard Loud and Clear

By J. P. FrattiniPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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(Don't worry, my dad doesn't strangle me)

1. "If I see you with mutton chops again, I'm kicking you out." - My Father circa June, 2016

I lost a bet near the end of my junior year of high school, and the catch was I would have to accept an academic award while wearing mutton chops. I grew my beard for a couple months, and then shaved it into shape for the day. When I walked from the bathroom to the kitchen the morning of, those were the words my father spoke as he casually read the newspaper.

I ended up going through the day wearing those face-catapillars, and he was back at the kitchen table when I got home from class. "Get those fucking things off before dinner," he said with an oddly-calm tone, "I'd like to have an appetite." He sure didn't have to tell me twice.

Were those warranted responses to my actions? Probably, but many might say he was a bit brash about it. He's one of the bluntest individuals I've ever met, but it's because of that day that I'll never accept a bet where the penalty might be awful facial hair. Both because it was a terrible experience walking in public with those things, and because I was scared of getting kicked out.

I've learned a lot of lessons from the old man in my short time on the earth, and I learn something new everyday. His way of phrasing each lesson also gets more and more colorful.

He was raised by immigrants, and has instilled pretty much the same enviornment, but in the modern age. When you give that attitude an iPhone and the ability to share memes, expect some interesting stuff.

2. "If you're gonna be using your phones while we have company, you better send me pictures of pets, and they better be hilarious"- My dad before anyone showed up to the house

Yes, my father loved doggo and lolcat. He claims they were among the few things (alongside food, fly fishing, and television) that gave him legitimate joy. Every Easter, where we would host 25+ family members in our kitchen, he'd prepare by sitting on the couch and looking at dog-shaming albums on Facebook.

He always said, "Make sure you're in a good mood when something begins, so then when it goes to shit you're not as low as you would've been otherwise." Probably the least vulgar piece of advice I've gotten from him.

3. "If a woman uses Ragu or some other cheap, canned pasta sauce, leave her and get yourself a dog. At least a dog won't fuck up that bad." - My dad to me, after my cousin made dinner using Ragu

My father made sure I turned into at least a partial food-snob. The rule of the house was: "All pasta sauce has to be homemade. Everything else is not sauce, it's a lie." I don't know how far this advice will go for me when I'm living in my own place with no money, but something does make me want to try to stand by it. Good food is good food, I guess.

On a side note, he did say it loud enough for my cousin to hear. She wasn't too happy, but he still forced it down like a gentleman. I guess he taught me two lessons that night. No Ragu, but eat it anyway.

I may do a continuation of this list, but in the meantime feel free to follow me on Twitter!

Have a great day!

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About the Creator

J. P. Frattini

Culture, music, politics, art. It's all fair game to me

Follow Me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/thejpfrattini

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