Learning to Love

My Mama and I spoke different love languages in the beginning. As an immigrant, she wasn’t used to showing any weakness or affection. To her, women had to be strong. Resilient. Unwavering in duty and responsibility. Mothers were the backbone of entire families. Without them, all hell broke loose.

Mothers: the OG influencers.

She drilled these ideas into my head as I reached adolescence. You are your family. Your reason for being, apart from God, is for them. Your children will be molded by you. Your husband will be a man because of you. Your community will be influenced by you.

Then times started to change, as they do. I went on to high school, then college and Mama was shocked at how much the world had changed since I was born. Her strict demeanor softened as she saw how I showed my own affection towards her.

Things I Taught My Mama

I taught her about how it’s okay to be in touch with your emotions. That it’s healthier to understand them than to ignore them.

I taught her about self-care. What it means, how it’s different for everyone, and how important it is to truly love yourself.

I taught her how to improve her English. She still gets shy and hands me her phone to text someone a simple message for her sometimes, but her vocabulary has improved more than she will admit.

And the lesson she appreciates more than all those stated above: I taught her how to use the smartphone. Now she barely gets off the thing.

In lessons of love, my Mama taught me by action. Through action, I learned more about the deepest and most genuine form of love that I could never have understood any other way.

The way she held her hand, cupped with water, to my mouth to help me rinse after teaching me to brush my teeth.

The way she had me lay on her lap, slipped her hand onto my back beneath my shirt and rubbed gently after a tough day at elementary school. I’ve never been good at fractions..it was a stressful time.

I later understood why she was strict, why she was protective. What I used to complain about I have now become so grateful for. She knew the world that I was being born into. It wasn’t great then and it isn’t great now, but she made sure that my time with her was worth remembering in the fondest way.

My Mama’s actions spoke so loud.

When we were waiting in line one day, the woman behind us spoke about my Mama in Arabic. Because of our darker skin, they assumed we didn’t know Arabic. I didn’t, but my Mama sure did. She could have reacted any type of way. But she turned around and smiled. She told them to be careful of what they say in public and she said it in Arabic. And she turned back around and moved me along. I didn't learn what she said until many years later but damn, my Mama has class.

The strict and protective Mama that I knew growing up soon became my friend. My parents were never keen on me moving out unless it was for marriage. So a time came when I, still unmarried, needed to move out for my own sake. My Mama saw it, she understood. This was a breakthrough in which she swallowed her own fears to see me thrive in this world. She had my back. This was the first big decision I made that initially went against what my parents wanted, and my Mama decided to support me because she knew how much it meant to me. The moment a parent lets you make your own big decision for the first time is monumental.

She is my Mama, but she is also my best friend. Because no one has the capacity to love me the way she does. And there is no one that my heart will ever reach for more than her.

We now learn together. We teach each other. She is my main supporter and I hers.

One thing she hasn’t passed down to me though, is her ability to be a naturally talented cook.

Sorry Mama, it’s frozen pizza tonight.