Leading By Example

I was in the process of moving into my very first apartment. I was nervous and slightly apprehensive of moving out of the nest. My mother was very apprehensive of me moving out as well which of course makes sense because she does not want to see her little baby leave the home. However my step father was adamant about me leaving the home. He would say "It is time for you to be a man and be independent and live on your own." My step father was really the catalyst of me finally leaving the home. I knew deep down I wanted to do it but I was nervous and hesitant, however my step father was the kick in the ass that I needed to finally spread my wings and fly away. I was meeting with the superintendent that day with my girlfriend, mother and stepfather. As I was in the process of reviewing the lease the superintendent asked my mother and step father if they can be co signers of the lease. Before my mother could answer my step father gave the superintendent a hard "No". The superintendent was somewhat taken aback my my stepfathers assertiveness and from stating he was not going to be a co signer for the apartment. He said " We are absolutely not signing because we don't have to. My step son is mature and responsible enough to be able to pay for his own apartment on his own. He does not need us to be a safety net for him, he can handle the responsibility of financially supporting an apartment on his own. "My step father's response to the superintendent was inspiring to me. It was nerve wrecking having the responsibility to pay for an apartment on my own. However his confidence that he had in me inspired me to find the confidence in myself. The truth of the matter is I don't believe that if it was not for him I would have had the confidence to support myself in my first apartment. If he was not their and it was up to my mother she would have signed the lease to be my financial safety net for the rent. By doing this it would have sent the subtle indirect message to me that I am unable to support myself and be independent. Despite the push back the my step father got from my mother and the superintendent he did not cave. He held his ground and he was adamant of not co signing the lease. His calm certainty and assertiveness was inspiring. I looked at him think "Wow, I wish I could be as strong a verbally assertive, and calm as he was. The very next day I was having dinner with my girlfriend at the time she said "Your step father was a somewhat rude to the superintendent yesterday wasn't he?" I looked at her and "No, I don't think he was rude at all." He was stating what he felt and he felt that I had the ability of supporting myself in my own apartment. I really looked up to the fact that he was able to be so certain of of his stance of the apartment despite the amount of push back that he got from my mother or superintendent. That to me that was a leadership quality I wish I had. A few months later my girlfriend and I were having dinner at mother and step father's apartment. My mother and my girlfriend were finished dinner and they were assembling cloths in the bedroom. My step father and I were having our dinner and chit chatting in the dining room. Moments later my mother and girlfriend came around the corner and they both look at me and said. Logan, come with us now you need to try some clothes on that we bought for you." I felt annoyed and agitating because I was still in the middle of dinner. I looked at both of them and said in whiny tone of voice "But, I'm in the middle of dinner, can't I at least finish my meal?" "My girlfriend said "No! Get up and come try these clothes on now." I felt frustrated and disrespected by her demands and tone of voice. I was not sure of to handle the situation. Do I stand my ground or comply with their demands? I turned to my step father who was sitting next to me to see his reaction to this situation. He had very amused look on his face like he was enjoying watching this situation unfold. I was looking at him for some sort of solution to the situation. He looked at me in the eye and very calmly he said "You know what to do." It took a few seconds for me to realize what he wanted to do. He was not saying it verbally but I was able to read his sub communications. I knew now the course of action that I needed to take. I turned to my mother and girlfriend and they were able to see that my energy and vibe completely changed. I said to the both of them no longer in a frantic, uncertain, insecure tone, but in a calm, assertive and certain tone "I am going to finish my dinner when I am done then I will join you, I would appreciate it if the both of you would leave me be, respect my dinner time and go about your business. That's the way its going to be". My mother walked away calmly. My girlfriend scolded me for a few moments and just stared at her grinning confidently. She eventually walked away. I turned to my step father for his reaction to the situation. He looked at me with a proud look on his face and said "That is how its done, very good." He held up his glass of wine I held up my beer and we cheered each other. He lead me to the proper course of action and I delivered. My step father showed me on a consistent how to model positive strong behavior. He knew that he was in a leadership to me and his own son from his previous marriage and we both were watching him to see how to conduct ourselves in the world as men. Through difficult situation he was able to lead me by example.