Keep Going On:

Its February 15th, 2021 and I’ve come to the end of a long journey and will have kept a promise I made 2 years ago in full. This final act I’m about to complete will make 20,000 good deeds I’ve completed for others. This was a journey that started at age 14 and one that lead me to this moment and date. It’s a journey that I quite frankly still don’t truly understand but one that had to be completed because of a promise I made to my mom before she passed.

Since age 14 my mom, with little explanation, said the goal that was laid out was simple, complete 20,000 good deeds. There was no time limit, no set way to complete the goal and I could choose what good deed I wanted to complete, big or small just as long as I explained to her what I did so she could write it down in a small black notebook she kept. So, with the rules laid out I got started on completing what seemed to be a huge task at the time for a young man. I decided that two good deeds a day would be a smooth pace and easy to manage. Day-by-day, year-by-year I completed good deeds, whether it was opening the door for a stranger or standing up for someone who couldn’t stand up for themselves, it was done without question. Every day I would speak with my mom and let her know about the deeds so they could be recorded. You see, I trusted my mom and didn’t have a reason to question why this was something that needed to be done and after doing it for so many years it became second nature to me. For the next 24 years the good deeds were interwoven into our conversations and lead to deeper conversations about life, family and values. Those were good times that I will always be grateful for and could never repay her for.

However, in the 25th year, mom became ill and unable to fully talk with me about the good deeds or much of anything. I hoped and prayed that mom would pull through so we could get back to our full conversations but that didn’t happen. My mom knew she was going to pass and sensing a profound sadness in me, she made me promise to keep going with the good deeds and to also never lose who I am. Mom passed her small black notebook to me and said that since she would not be here with me to complete recording the good deeds I would have to start recording them on my own and tell her about them in my dreams. That was surreal for me because I didn’t want to hear this at all from her. Before giving me her small black notebook my mom made sure that the pages of all the good deeds that she recorded up to that point were taped shut and her instructions to me were that those pages were only to be opened and read upon the completion of the rest of the 20,000 good deeds that I would have to record myself. She also said that when I complete my goal of doing all of the good deeds to look in the back of the small black notebook for a letter she wrote for me, but she was very specific that I don’t open the letter until then. I was a bit confused why she still cared about me completing the good deeds. I’m not going to lie; I did lose my will to keep going on with doing the good deeds as life was a little less sweet without my best girl to fully share it with. But after she passed, I spent the next two years completing my promise and getting to good deed 20,000, which brings me back to February 15th, 2021.

My last good deed was one I wanted to make special and one I wouldn’t forget. In my day job I work for a nonprofit that helps troubled youth (no surprise in career choice considering all the training I had prior) and I decided to help a mother and her son. The family just needed a break with their rent so the mom could get a chance to get back on her feet. I decided to make my final good deed one where I would cover their rent out of my own pocket for a few months. Sure, I can say I did it because it was the right thing to do or because I was keeping my promise. But if I’m really being honest with myself and I mean really honest, I saw my mom and myself in that family when we fell on hard times and just needed a few extra dollars to get through. In some ways I saw them as a chance for me to vicariously re-live my experiences with my mom through them. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t have done that deed in particular, but I couldn’t help it.

The next day after taking some time to really process completing the promise I made to my mom, I read the letter in the back of the little black book. The letter read:

“Son, I know at some point you will be reading this letter and I won’t be there physically to read it with you. But just know I am there with you always just not in the way we both would like or even planned. At this point your wondering why I wanted you to complete the 20,000 good deeds. My simple answer is, because I said so. My deeper answer is because it’s a mother’s job to teach their children to see the good in this world but how can you see the good if you’re not being a part of it? The small black notebook was a way for you to have a record of our conversations, our good times while talking and to remember who you are always. You’ll have my thoughts and your thoughts to guide you through some of the tough times you are going to go through when I am gone. If you remember what I taught you and keep doing what I taught you, we will see each other again when it’s time. When you get a chance go and check the bottom of my jewelry box, I told you to keep with you. Keep going on and I love you son.”

With her last letter and little black book, my mom gave me an insightful gift that I will always cherish. She gave me a written record of some of the greatest times we had together. Through her small black notebook of meticulously recorded deeds I was able to re-experience a particular day based on what she wrote for that day. We didn’t have much, but we had enough to share and we didn’t have enough years together, but that time was enough to record some of the most meaningful memories I will ever have. My mom taught me that to be a good person I have to show others what a good person is like through actions and deeds.

After I spent some time reading through the small black notebook and reliving some good memories, I went to her old jewelry box. I checked the bottom of it and there was a secret compartment that had an envelope and a note attached to it. The note read, “I put away a dollar for every good deed you completed after we would talk about them and for the deeds you had to finish while I was gone I put that money away with the rest on faith. I knew you would get here, and I am proud of you.” Inside the envelope I found $20,000 in one-dollar bills. I was holding in my hands over 27 years of good deeds that my mom had catalogued in a small black notebook and now quantified in the form of cash. Of course, I was shocked but also trying to process how she knew I would complete my promise before I knew I would. That was always her gift, seeing what I could accomplish if I just kept going and knowing that once it was accomplished nothing, but better things would come from it. Since my mom and I only talk in my dreams for now, we have a lot to discuss and laugh about when I close my eyes and go to sleep tonight.