Just who is having this baby anyway?

The big day approaches, and everything is ready. All the newborn accoutrements are all in their designated places. You have a fresh supply of diapers, wipes, high octane coffee for your significant other, and bags packed for the trip to the delivery room. That's when the question gets dropped, "who is allowed in the delivery room?" Your mother-in-law asks to be in the delivery room. For a minute, you don't know what to think or how to respond.

Due to COVID restrictions, the question might be moot. Many hospitals are still not allowing more than one guest per patient. For argument, assume you can have guests at the hospital. Who do you want there with you in the delivery room?

It's your room. You are the vessel. If it doesn't make your day go smoother, you don't need the distraction. You choose. It doesn't have to take away from the specialness of the day.

Relationships vary in families and if you feel at ease with this prospect, then, by all means, go for it. Just remember, you are the boss in the room. If things get hectic and you start to feel differently, you can tell staff to escort out anyone you please. They hear this all the time, and they will handle it like pros. None of the heat needs to be on you. If there's a possibility of this being an issue, speak to staff privately in advance and establish a codeword or phrase that will prompt them to find an excuse to shuffle her out.

How does your significant other feel about this? You would be surprised at how many people flat out don't want the distraction of having a parent nearby when they become a parent. It is a big moment, and everyone will like to share it. Your mother-in-law will be becoming a grandma after all, but it goes back to your comfort level. If it makes you uncomfortable, then what you say is the rule.

Ok, so maybe you are ok with your mother-in-law being present at some time during the big day, but perhaps not when it gets intense. You would prefer to maintain some modesty. That is entirely understandable and wholly up to you. Discuss your concerns with your spouse to determine a comfort level that works for both. Then sit down with your mother-in-law and establish some boundaries.

Things to consider:

You might be in pain.

You might not be fully covered.

You might be under the influence of medications that could make you say or do things you usually wouldn't.

There will be medical concerns and procedures going on, and you might not want witnesses.

It is a major milestone for your family, and nothing should take the spotlight from that.

Pain

Lets just put it out there: They don't call it labor cause it's a walk in the park. Depending on your birth plan and timing, you might be uncomfortable, and if your mother-in-law is the type to 'feel underfoot," you might wanna signal staff to keep her away until some relief is in place. Consider the times in your life when you have experienced severe discomfort. It's not that labor is terrible, but everyone's pain level, tolerance, and the reaction is different. Think back on times when you were in pain and how you reacted or coped with others who were nearby or loved ones. Did you snap at your dad when you twisted your ankle? Yell at your sister when you had a tooth pulled? Medical professionals have seen it all, but your mother-in-law might take it personally if you tell her to "shove it" if she suggests breathing one more time.

Modesty

So I'm just going to get personal here. My mother in law walked into the labor and delivery room at a moment when I was on all fours, heavily medicated and waiting for a nurse to 'position the baby and relocate a monitor." She saw a lot of me and in a position that was more like an episode of The Incredible Dr. Pol than the birth of her 7th grandchild and 1st grand-girl baby. Her excitement waned, and I don't recall her coming into the room again until her son guided her in.

Frankly, it serves her right (another story). But the point is still the same. You won't be given much cover and when the doctors or nurses need access. It is what it is. Modesty is out the window. The most crucial thing in the labor and delivery room is the safety of mom and baby. The staff will always be monitoring this and listen to them. They will see if you are stressed or distracted and will boot anyone who interferes. Grandma or not.

Under the Influence

Depending on your birth plan, you might not be the you that you mean to be. Everyone reacts differently to pain and pain medications. Add stress and nine months of anticipation, and it gets edgy. You are in labor. You have pain. Nurses are getting vitals and making arrangments for you and the baby. Consider how you will react while all this activity is buzzing around you, and the epidural or pain relief kicks in. Once that medicine hits your bloodstream, you could be grumpy or jovial. You might sound like a drunk sorority girl and say all those things you wanted to say but didn't because you are too polite. You might also not remember what you said, but it will come back to you.

Medical Procedures

A lot will be happening when things get going. There will be catheterization and epidural and possibly monitors that need to be (ahem) put in place. All of these will require you to be exposed. If it bothers you that your mother-in-law might see these things or bodily fluids that might also result from those big pushes, then it would be essential to say that beforehand so that it isn't a distraction at the moment.

Milestone

Those very first moments when they hand you, your child, are extraordinary and overwhelming. It's also an intimate moment for you, your significant other, and your baby. The baby is imprinting on you with the very first touch. For the rest of your life, your heart will overflow with emotion when you remember this moment. If your mother-in-law is the type to interrupt at that moment and her doing so might bother you, it's probably best to have her wait outside.

These things considered, what do you do when you don't want her there, and she or your significant other does? There should be some earnest conversations about boundaries. If your significant other wants you to allow something that makes you uncomfortable, then that needs to be addressed with the utmost care. It is never ok to be pressured to do anything against your will or wishes.

The hospital staff will respect any request you make, so even if another plan has been discussed, you can change your mind anytime. Speak up to your significant other if you have concerns. Make your feelings or discomfort known to the hospital staff. Anyone around you not listening or respecting your feelings or boundaries should back off or leave.

It is best to get these issues and concerns out in the open in advance of the big day. Set up rules, guidelines, and make it known that mom and baby's health and comfort come first. You and your baby are the stars of the show, and everything depends on you being able to do what you came there to do. Don't let anything interfere with your comfort on the big day. You are going to treasure the memories for a lifetime. Don't Worry. You're going to do great!