It was only after raising my son that I realized that these three signs were their distress signals.

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Shu Ma's private land, talking about educational ideas, sharing educational resources, but also talking about the hot spots of parents' circle. Follow me and be a long parent.

Adolescent children usually have some "unusual" behavior that makes their parents anxious.

As parents, only by understanding the reasons behind these behaviors and prescribing the right medicine can they help their children solve problems better.

I saw an anxious mother in Zhihu the other day.

Her son is 13 years old and has good grades before the first year of junior high school.

But this year, children have entered a rebellious period, grumpy and irritable, often losing their temper over a small thing and clashing with their parents many times.

Mom and dad say no along, not the other way around, anyway, as long as they open their mouth, they can arouse their children's anger and discontent.

The mother realized that they might be a little tight with their children, so she began to change her strategy and relax the restrictions on her children.

But who knows, the child can't stop at once:

First of all, I am tired of learning. I can go to school if I want to, and if I don't want to go, I won't go.

Then, neither study nor do homework at home, indulge in computers, watch videos and play games.

In the meantime, they took their children to see a psychiatrist several times, but to no avail.

Now, children's hygiene is no longer done, only two meals a day, braces for orthodontic teeth are no longer worn, and keratoplasty lenses have been suspended for more than a month.

Life is irregular and study is a mess.

The children are useless, and the parents are in a great hurry, but they don't know where to start.

Indulge? The child is bound to suffer greatly in the future.

Restrict children like they used to? And afraid that the child will become more rebellious.

So, it's a dilemma.

In fact, whether boys or girls, to senior or adolescent, there are more or less headaches. For example:

Know that learning is very important, but can not change the problem of procrastination, often intermittent complacency, continuous dawdling

In the face of the teachers' and parents' suggestions, either contradict them, or agree to them on the surface, and stick to their own tricks behind their backs.

Or like the boy at the beginning, when something happens, he will never recover and give up himself.

Adam Price, a famous American psychologist, said:

"when children reach middle and senior grades or adolescence, great internal changes will take place in their body and mind.

If parents still use the parenting style of their children when they are young, not only will the parent-child relationship be out of balance, but the children will also lose their self-drive. "

In "Boys' self-driven growth," he also talked about the reasons for the current situation of children.

After reading it, I sighed with emotion: being parents is really a knowledge. if we can't grow up with our children, it's easy to ruin the hard work of the previous decade.

However, before the child becomes worried and anxious, there will be some signs in advance, which can also be understood as the child's distress signal.

If parents can understand the reasons behind their children's behavior and prescribe the right medicine to the case, it will be easier to achieve good results.

If something happens, you will never recover.

It's possible that the child fell into anxiety.

For some time, the children of a friend's family, like the boy at the beginning, appeared to be very unmotivated.

A clever boy, but usually fooling around, he doesn't care about the teacher's requirements, classroom discipline, or even his grades.

Many people will attribute this phenomenon to children's laziness and indulgence. In fact, under these superficial behaviors, there are deeper psychological reasons.

Later, my friend specially hired a psychological counselor, and after several in-depth exchanges with the child, he found that:

It's not that the child doesn't want to work hard, but he has a deep fear in his heart-on the one hand, grammar, algebra, physics and chemistry are becoming more and more difficult.

On the one hand is their own ranking and grades, children are afraid that even if they work hard, they will not get a good result, so they simply cover it up with a nonchalant attitude.

Because when you work hard but don't see the obvious effect, you will fall into a sense of uncertainty.

This will make them anxious, scared, and more worried about other people's jokes, so they are afraid to try and subconsciously just want to escape.

Psychologist Karen Horney once said: "the essence of all despair is despair that you can't be yourself."

Whether it is a friend's child, or the boy at the beginning, behind their irritability, irritability and escape, they are actually calling for help.

Trying to hide their anxiety, they are afraid, afraid to work hard, and afraid to be disappointed in themselves.

As parents, the best way to help their children get rid of their fears is to accept the process of their efforts without demanding results.

At the same time, we can also tell children:

"you may not use algebra (chemistry, mathematics) for the time being, but it can teach you logical thinking and how to identify mistakes.

The brain is malleable, and the more you learn, the more relaxed you will feel.

If we work hard now, we may not be better than others, but we will certainly be better than ourselves in the past. "

Constantly help them release their fears and stress, so that they can rest assured to try to be better themselves.

Once they have found the meaning of learning and tasted the sweetness of hard work, their tenacity will be found more easily.

Such a child, in the face of great difficulties, will not give up easily.

Children who work hard intermittently

Maybe it's the slow development of the brain.

Many parents will also have such troubles: children always do things for three minutes, and when they make up their minds, they are full of confidence, which is particularly touching, but the process of persistence is so terrible that parents can't help but get angry.

In fact, these contradictory behaviors are not children's loss of fighting spirit, but a signal to call for help. This kind of behavior is caused by the unsynchronized growth of their body and mind.

We all know that during puberty, a child's brain has to undergo secondary development, but the path of child's brain development is not uniform.

The part of a child's brain that controls emotion will develop first and usher in explosive development.

However, the part responsible for rational thinking and restraining behavior needs to be slowly connected to complete.

This causes children to be impulsive, pursue freshness and crave excitement, but it is difficult to measure their own ability and persevere in one thing.

Just like some time ago, a mother said that she was very angry with her child.

The reason is that at the beginning of the summer vacation, she reminded the children in the first year of junior high school to make a good homework plan, write what they should write, and say yes to what they should memorize.

During the holidays, she also reminded her children several times.

The child said nonchalantly that he knew it so that his mother could not worry about it.

Even a few days before the start of school, the child said confidently, "I've almost finished my homework."

But the day before school began, the child asked her for help with a sad face, saying that there was too much homework, and he had not estimated it accurately before, hoping that his mother would plead with the teacher and let the teacher not punish himself.

It is most common for children to overestimate themselves, but fail to do so when they are willing to do so, or simply fish for three days and dry the net for two days.

Parents must remember that children's abilities do not grow