You ever just feel like you're being trapped inside a little box with one little hole in the center of it. There's no way to get out and that's the little pinch of freedom you ever get. Well, I've felt like that pretty much all my life. I was the sweet girl who always said yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Never stood up for myself. Let people talk to me any and every way possible and I sat there and took it. Every last bit of it. Recently that all changed.
I met my amazing boyfriend early this year and he wanted me to come spend the night with him. I was too afraid to go because I knew my parents wouldn't like it. Mind you, I am 21 and I had never made a decision on my own. I always asked to go out with people, I asked to go on dates, anything I wanted to do I asked because anytime I didn't it was a problem. Even though I was over the age of 18. That was just my life.
My life was in the hands of everyone else but my own. When my boyfriend said, "You're 21 and you can't even spend one night away from home." Honestly, it pissed me off. But he was right. Usually, in relationships people say the woman is always right but not this time. He is right when it comes to most things. I appreciate his realness with me. How no matter if it hurts or not he's honest. And when he told me that, that was the moment I realized it's time for me to take control. And I did.
My relationship with my parents had always been good. They took me in at a young age and I had so much respect for them. Especially because they have three kids of their own and were now taking in three more girls. I always listened, never got in trouble, always abided by the rules. Anything they said I did. That's why I was so scared to do things on my own. I didn't comprehend how to be an adult because the whole time I was being treated as a child. When I started to break away that's when everything started going left.
I talked to my parents and told them I needed more freedom to do what I want to do. I needed to experience things and learn things on my own. I needed to find who I was. Not the person they made me into. It was the greatest decision I ever made. I am happier now and I stopped worrying about making everyone else happy. Sure my parents don't like many of the decisions I am making and that's okay. They don't have to. I'm doing what makes me happy. Being a 21-year-old girl I should have that right. Not even I should have, but I have that right. I'm in control of my own. That means I'm responsible for my own happiness. Not any others happiness. That my friend takes so much stress off of your shoulders once you realize that.
It took some time getting used to doing what makes me happy. But it's worth it. I feel free like I can completely breathe again. And most importantly I learned how to say the word NO. That two letter word has worked wonders. Saying no isn't a bad thing. It means you have boundaries, and boundaries are very important. I hope this little post helps someone who may be in the same position as I was. I'm letting you know, it's okay to be you. It's okay to take care of you first and you'll find life is so much easier.