It's ok Mom... Your doing great!

I question my parenting a lot! "Am I a good mom?", "Do I show my kids enough attention?", and, "I hope I'm raising them right.", are my all time concerns. I want them to grow up and be happy and to know that I will always be there when they need me, no matter what! I love helping people. It may sound strange but I am such a people pleaser that I will go above and beyond to make people smile. I'm the type of person that lives my life like, “ if i've got it, I'll give it”, and I won't ever expect anything in return.

One night I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and on the way out I was approached by a gentleman who said he had just gotten custody of his daughter and she was spending the weekend with him. He said he didn't have any money for food and he asked if me If I could buy him a loaf of bread and a pack of bologna so that he could feed her for the weekend. I put my groceries in my car and told him I'd spend twenty dollars on groceries for him. He looked so surprised and couldn't stop thanking me as we walked around the store while he picked his items. As we were checking out I told him to get a candy bar for his daughter, and he almost cried. I began crying just because I was so grateful that I had those extra twenty dollars and I was able to help him and his daughter. If I have money I will give to the panhandlers and whoever asks. For some reason I feel like they deserve something because I know how hard it is to ask for help when times get tough.

I used to work at the welfare office and I got in trouble on a regular basis because I would laugh loudly in the lobby. On one occasion I was helping a woman fill out an application for food stamps. She looked very tired and sad. She told me how her mom had just passed away and they were like best friends. I can't remember exactly what I said, but the woman began laughing so hard she started crying and told me she hadn't laughed since her mom passed over a year before that. I always cracked jokes with the clients because a lot of them told me stories about how embarrassed they were to walk into the welfare office asking for help. My supervisor told me it wasn't professional for me to be laughing so loudly with them. I got fired shortly after I told her, " Well sorry but a lot of clients don't feel good about themselves coming in here asking for help. So.. If I can make them laugh and feel good about themselves, i'm not gonna hold back.".

I also experienced some good karma. In 2016, My family became homeless for about 3 months. It was hard living out of a car with my husband and our 2 kids who were only 4 and 5 at the time. My husband and I were so stressed out over the situation but we didn't want our kids to know what was really going on so we kinda pushed our feelings aside and told our kids that we were on vacation. We spent our daytime at the parks where they'd play for hours. Some nights my mom was able to watch them overnight and I'd be relieved because I hated seeing them sleeping in their carseats in our small two door car. We were able to get some money together during my oldest son's birthday and we took him camping and hiking in the mountains. There was one incident that I will never forget. We had gotten robbed from a friend of ours. He took all the money we had saved to fix our car’s back window that someone broke about 2 weeks prior. I was so angry because this friend knew my kids sometimes had to sleep in the back seat and it was getting cold so we needed to fix the window. I had dropped off my kids at my moms and their dad and I went to the park to figure out what we were going to do. We had no gas in our car, our back window was gone and we had no money. we stood outside for a bit and a white SUV pulled up behind us. Neither of us knew who it was. A woman gets out of the car and walks up to my kids dad and puts something in his hand. She said," Here, this is for you: She then turned away, got in her car and drove off. "Who was that?" I asked. "I don't know,", my husband said. He opened his hand and it was a 100 dollar bill. I laughed and cried at the same time. We picked up our kids and went to the gas station. My oldest said to me, “Mom we don’t want to be without you and dad in the night.” My youngest son interrupted as I was about to explain and said, “Ya mom, because we are a family and families stick together.” I was speechless because they were only 4 and 5 years old and I had a feeling that they knew what was up and they were letting me know it was going to be ok. We were able to get our window fixed.

There are many more incidents where it seemed like the universe was listening to us that I would like to share but there are two little boys’ generosity that tops all of them combined!

My oldest loves helping with everything. He helps me keep things organized and likes to draw pictures and give them away to cheer people up. He has given his own money to help the poor and he donates his old clothing and toys to a lil boy who lives nearby. In 2018 my kids had started 1st grade (they are 10 months apart and are in the same grade), and they were separated and put into 2 different classrooms. I knew this was going to be hard for at least one of them but the principal told me she couldn't put them in the same class. My oldest did very well socially and academically. As for my youngest.... He completely stopped speaking (only at school) and was failing. Long story short, I was able to get them in the same classroom, proved that my youngest didn't have a speech problem, and both of them passed 1st grade with high scores and lots of academic awards. They are both in third grade now and my youngest still isn't speaking in school. He will not say one word to the teachers or his peers. He will whisper to his brother but only when no one is listening. My oldest has been so helpful and so patient when helping my youngest try to communicate in school. At home, my youngest talks all the time so I make arrangements with teachers when it comes to presentations because he is so embarrassed to talk that we have to record him at home and send it to the teacher for grading. I'm actually kind of impressed that he has not said one word at school for 2 years straight. I figured he'd give in by now but he just won’t.

My kids have heard the stories of how certain events happen at certain times in my life and lately they have been around me more when I'm helping others and doing my best to keep everything running smoothly. They have been helping me more around the house and they are noticing how happy I am when I'm helping whoever needs it. They are amazed at how no matter what happens we are always ok and we share a lot of love towards one another. Now, lately I have been questioning my parenting skills more than usual and the answer to my questions was this:

It was the kids first day back to school (online) after christmas break, and my youngest walks over to me and told me, "Mom, can you come here, I want to do something and I want you to see". I didn't know what to expect. The laptop is on and they are on Zoom with their class and teacher and my youngest says, " Excuse me everyone I want to tell you guys something", and everyone became silent. One student said" Apollo talks" and their teacher said, "oh my gosh Apollo! please tell us!" I stood there crying because after 2 and a half years, my son spoke his first words in front of his teacher and classmates. My son looked at me and smiled and told the class, " I got this Gamestop card for Christmas and it has $25 on it. Im going to give the card number and the pin to the person who can guess what number i am thinking of.". The class was so excited and one by one they tried to guess my sons number. After a few tired to guess, one student guessed correctly and my son said, " Merry Christmas!” I don”t think I’ve ever heard of a kid give up their video game card to make someone else Christmas better. I was in awe, in shock and I couldn't stop smiling because this was the universe letting me know that I am doing a great job as mom and I do show them attention, and I am raising my sons right. I can’t wait to see the good men that they are learning to become!