It is difficult to establish rules without yelling or scolding, so why can't you control your child?

Many parents found that the child's behavior is not normal, thinking of giving the child to establish rules, hoping that the children's behavior to improve, but there is no long-term effect, and finally back to the initial yelling and scolding disciplined way.

The truth is, parents, must see

When my son was in elementary school, calculation and writing is a short board, to let him improve, he made a plan with him to do 20 calculation problems every day, and practice one word every day, and my son agreed.

I went to buy calculation problem cards and word cards with all the excitement, and I also prepared a new pen for him to look ceremonial and grand.

My son followed the plan, and at first, I went to check it every day and found that the calculation was accurate and the writing was neat, so I hastened to praise him.

I thought my son must be very strong in execution, and then I didn't pay constant attention to him, thinking gleefully that my son would be able to gnaw down the hard bones this time.

As a result, one day I went to his room to collect his clothes and took a look at his practice. After a cursory look, I didn't realize that he hadn't written for three or four days. I immediately got angry and slammed the exercise book on his bed and criticized him severely.

He knew he was in the wrong and hurriedly made up the days he had missed.

The actual truth is, parents, must take a look at

Don't think he has reformed since then, as long as not often over, he began to cheat, and ultimately did not do these two things well.

Similar to this, often set up rules, but not implemented in place there are many cases, but also often listen to parents talk about, are said to be helpless, subconsciously that the child is lazy, undisciplined, hopeless, is the fault of the child?

Thinking of this question, I came across a psychological law by chance, which is very graphic and makes sense, and can answer the truth that has been troubling us for a long time - it is difficult to set rules for children. At the same time, I also thought of two behaviors that hinder rule-making and have corresponding psychological principles, and I share them here together to see if you have also encountered them.

The truth is, parents, must see

Truth one, see good, can not hold on

The child's behavior often makes us angry and tries to correct it. As long as measures are taken, there will always be some effect. We think our efforts are not in vain and start to sit back and collect the fruits of our labor.

But when we let our guard down, the child retreats to square one and has to be treated with the same old yelling and scolding. It's not the child's fault that the child doesn't behave, it's the parent's fault.

There is a "penicillin law" that explains it very clearly.

Penicillin is also known as penicillin, and we all know exactly what it does. When we were sick, the doctor prescribed some of this medicine and ordered us to take it for 7 days, every day on time.

We took it for 3 days, felt comfortable, and in the principle that it is a medicine, we stopped taking it. As a result, a few days later, the body felt sick again, more serious than before.

We went to the doctor again, who increased the dosage and asked to continue taking it, as it would be a bigger problem if we just stopped taking it.

This is because the virus that has not been eliminated is more viable, and as long as it survives, it can come back and make the problem even worse.

The truth is, parents, must see

This is the same way we improve our children's problems, if the child's problems have just improved, we relax his discipline, and the child will not consciously adhere to, but automatically back to the original pattern.

Moreover, he knows that we will not constantly supervise, mastering this soft spot, more recklessly. Only when you get angry, he moves a little, forming such inertia is very deadly. We can only get our children to listen by constantly yelling and scolding, making both sides lose.

When we find the child's problem has been accumulated for a long time, correction itself is a troublesome thing.

The child feels new at first, but after this novelty, he loses his enthusiasm again. Only when we help him overcome many difficulties and reach a level where he is itching to do something for a day, does the child not find it difficult to persist.

So, to correct your child's problem, you must not let up and must continue until your child can develop a habit.

The truth is, parents, must see

Truth two, swaying from side to side, the principle is not strong

See the good, or at least see some hope, only too optimistic. There are many times, not waiting to see the effect, parents can not insist, that the child will certainly not change.

One mother's problem is very typical, see if you have encountered:

The child is 3 years old and still does not eat well, must be fed to eat, a meal to spend more than 30 minutes, simply fed to the collapse, each feeding is the worst time for the parent-child relationship.

It's not that I haven't thought of a way to give him rules, if he doesn't eat, he can't watch TV, can't eat any snacks or fruit, and can't play with toys.

In the beginning, the child could insist on not eating snacks and eating at mealtime, but he ate very little, just a couple of times. My mother couldn't stand it anymore and thought that my child was already short, so how could she grow without snacks and meals? Let's feed her! So, the rule went bankrupt in less than two weeks.

The truth is, parents, must see

This phenomenon can be explained by the psychological "Britain donkey effect", from the French philosopher Britain's fable.

A donkey went out for food and saw two piles of food, a pile of hay and a pile of young grass. The donkey was so happy that he immediately ran to the hay, and when he was about to eat it, he thought that the young grass would taste better if it was fresh, so he turned around and ran to the young pile of grass.

When he was about to eat the young grass, he had a new idea. If the other donkeys ate all the hay, I would be hungry and wanted to run to eat the hay again.

In this way, either analyzing the quality or the quantity, and then comparing the freshness, the result was that I didn't care to eat the grass, and finally died of hunger.

This story tells us that if we do things wavering, indecisive, always worried about this and that, and can not make the right decision, will not have good results.

Put in the correction of children's bad habits is also the same, and want children to change, and can not let children suffer for a few days, that bad habits will always remain there, will never be corrected.

If you want your child to develop good habits, you have to make a decision, be ruthless, weigh the pros and cons, and do what is good for your child in the long run.

The truth is, parents, must see

Truth three, different opinions, often disturbed

Sometimes, parents are very strong-willed and ruthless to let their children correct, but if there are many people in the family, the way to educate children is not consistent, and the parents' discipline is interfered with by others, resulting in the inability to adhere to it.

Like the case of the family has the elderly, this problem is very serious, many mothers have complained, and my family also exists in this situation.

My rule for the second baby is that you can't watch cartoons at dinner time, you have to sit at the table and eat by yourself, but grandparents often break this rule.

See the second baby does not eat, grandparents will please him, watch cartoons to eat it, the second baby will come to the fore, you want to stop, the second baby will cry and fuss.

Urban does not come to the table to eat, grandma carries the rice bowl to Erbao's designated place. Grandma thinks that the second baby eat a little bit less, you have to chase and feed on a big bowl. This situation, which often occurs and requires frequent coordination, is very frustrating.

The second baby sees this and always challenges your bottom line, and the rules set are often null and void.

The truth is, parents, must see

This phenomenon can be attributed to the "law of the watch".

The monkey "Mangko" picked up a watch and quickly figured out its purpose. The whole group of monkeys came to Mangko for advice, and Mangko was able to plan their time and soon became the king of the monkeys.

Thinking that the watch brought him good luck, he wanted more watches, and he found a second and a third.

But trouble arose when the times of several watches did not match and he did not know which one was accurate. When his subordinates came to ask him the time, he couldn't answer and the monkeys' work schedule was in chaos.

The monkeys started to rebel, the watches were obtained by other monkeys, and of course, the new monkey king also encountered the same problem.

This law shows that if two different rules of behavior exist at the same time, individual behavior will be chaotic.

If there are two inconsistent ways of education in the family, the child will not know which is right and which is wrong and will adopt the principle of avoiding harm and choosing the way that is good for him. As a result, avoiding heavy and light, what bad habits can not be changed.

So, when it comes to inconsistent family education philosophy, it is important to communicate and coordinate well. Either follow a principle of education, or one side withdraws to avoid two ways in parallel.

This is difficult, but for the sake of the child, must be decisive.

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Conclusion

The child problem, not overnight, but latent for a long time, when it becomes very obvious, has been very tricky to solve itself is very difficult.

When we want to change our children, we must remember to stick to the end, execute decisively and be consistent, only in this way can our children's problems have the possibility to improve. I hope that everyone is well in solving their child's problems and that they are moving in a better direction.